Chapter 6: An Ending and a Beginning - Sorry, You're Not My Type

‘What do you think of yourself? Were you out of your

mind? Do you even know what you have done and how badly it has affected our band’s image? I am getting so many messages about our cancelled show. Everybody is asking us for a valid reason to justify your abrupt escape. What am I supposed to tell everyone?’ screamed Yuvi at the top of his voice. ‘Will you fucking care to speak up?’

Anamika was standing beside Vikrant while Yuvi gave him an earful. Vikrant, Yuvi, and Anamika had met later in the night after the cancellation of the show on Vikrant’s request. Vikrant had managed to convince them to meet him by apologizing for his mistake and promising not to repeat it again. He had also convinced them that whatever he did had a strong reason behind it. Anamika consoled him and told him not to worry about it.

‘At least tell us what had happened? What was going on in your mind?’ she asked holding his hands as a sign of support.

After a long silence, Vikrant spoke teary-eyed, ‘I love her. I am crazy about her. I want her anyhow. Help me.’

‘Who?’ both Anamika and Yuvi asked in chorus.

‘That girl.’

‘Which girl?’ Anamika asked first.

‘The metro girl.’

Yuvi and Anamika were getting irritated now. They could not understand what Vikrant was trying to say. This continued for some more time until Vikrant told them about the girl he had seen in the metro a couple of times. They were surprised to hear that Vikrant had a crush on a girl. According to him, it was love.

‘Dude, are you still on drugs? I mean, you have not even talked to her, you don’t even know her name, and she hardly knows about you—except from the fact that you’re part of a band. That’s all she knows. You also don’t know much about her expect for where she lives. Grow up. I don’t want you to get into all these complications.’

‘What’s my fault, Yuvi? Aren’t you in a relationship? Did I ever tell you to stop fucking around? No, right? Then how can you say this to me? I am saying that I really like that girl. Yes, I am confused about a few things but I want to give it a try. Just when I need you people the most, you are demotivating me,’ said Vikrant losing his temper.

‘We are with you Vikrant. Now forget everything and let’s chill out for the day and then plan the best way to approach your girl,’ Anamika said patting his back.

We never choose love, love chooses us. It is that unpredictability that makes the journey so worth it. In every age, in every place, love is certain to be there; Vikrant had found it in that girl. He felt like he had searched his whole life and had finally found the one meant for him. Life on earth is just that brief moment you spend with your loved one. Meeting that stranger had made him realize how precious and fragile life can be. He could give up everything for that one moment with her, for that one moment would be better than a lifetime of never knowing her. He could not imagine a life without her now and wanted to meet her again. He was happy that his friends had understood him and were willing to help him out of this situation. Yuvi though was upset with whatever had happened but he let it pass because even he loved someone. However, he warned not only Vikrant but even Anamika to be very professional and not let such things hamper their success. Many dream to achieve what they had and Yuvi didn’t want to lose it due to a small mistake. They all hugged each other as a sign of support and togetherness. Anamika kept forcing Yuvi and Vikrant to come along for a day’s trip with her and Anurag.

‘No yaar, you both go. I will join you guys some other time,’ Vikrant said.

‘Yuvi, at least you come with us. You can bring Kashish along if you want. It will be fun. Then even I can spend some time with you and get to know you more.’

‘You want your boyfriend to kill me?’ Yuvi added.

‘Won’t Kashish kill me?’ Anamika asked and they all laughed.

‘Come on, Yuvi. Now, don’t make excuses. At least you should come,’ said Anamika tried to convince him.

‘What will we do there? Neither Kashish nor I know Anurag much. I mean we are not friends with him,’ Yuvi asked puzzled.

‘Shut up. You know me, that is enough. You come along for me and not for him. And obviously I will introduce you both to him. You will not feel like strangers. Trust me,’ she said excitedly.

After lot of convincing, Yuvi finally agreed to go along with Kashish. Vikrant was not in a mood to go. Anamika was excited that at least Yuvi was joining them. But before agreeing, he had put a condition in front of her that if he didn’t like Anurag, he would stay away from him. Anamika agreed.

* * *

Satyam Cineplex, Nehru Place, Delhi

24th August, 2012

All of them decided to go for a movie to Satyam Cineplex. Yuvi and Anurag were supposed to reach early to buy the tickets. It was an awkward moment when both of them reached almost at the same time and stood one after the other in the ticket counter line. Being from the same college, they vaguely knew of each other but had never got a chance to talk. To avoid embarrassment, Anurag broke the silence.

‘Hi. So what’s up? We never interacted with each other much. But I hope everything is going well,’ Anurag asked Yuvi.

‘Indeed. Everything is good. Even the grades are good,’ Yuvi replied.

‘I hope we both didn’t disturb you. I mean you know how Anamika is. She must have forced you to come along, right?’

‘Not really.’

‘Where is Vikrant? He didn’t come?’

‘He is in Lapataganj,’ Yuvi smiled and said, ‘How’s it going with Anamika?’

‘I am confused as to what it is that she wants from me. You won’t believe it but we still haven’t taken our relationship to the next level,’ he said.

‘That’s not a big deal,’ Yuvi said casually. He believed if you are serious in a relationship and have made up your mind to be with the other person, then the physical act of love does not really matter.

‘Yes, I agree. But if you want your relation to sustain for long, you need to get close. Else how would you…you know…’ Anurag gestured shrugging his shoulders. Yuvi felt weird talking to Anurag about such intimate matters. He wanted to run away but kept put just for Anamika’s sake. He felt that Anurag wanted to take advantage of Anamika and was in the relationship only for sex. On the other hand, he knew that even Anamika was not serious about Anurag. Then why did the relationship last so long? Probably, that’s what relationships have become these days. Chalti ka naam gaadi.

Where Yuvi and Anurag were a complete mismatch, Anamika and Kashish gelled along well, especially when the topic of discussion was Yuvi. Though Anamika and Kashish had not interacted with each other ever before, they got along like a house on fire. Kashish was a bit shy when it came to expressing her views. But when the conversation drifted to a discussion on Yuvi, she completely let loose.

‘How do you manage to handle his mood swings? He goes crazy once he’s doped,’ Anamika winked.

‘You have not seen the worst of him after doping. I know him better that way and I know how far things can go,’ Kashish smiled teasingly.

‘Is it? Then I should try it once,’ Anamika added.

‘No no. He is best suited for me. No one else can handle him the way I do. He is mine,’ Kashish said holding Yuvi’s hand.

‘Who is what? What’s going on?’ Yuvi asked but Kashish pushed him inside the theatre.

They took their seats. Yuvi and Kashish took the corner seats while Anamika and Anurag came and sat next to them. The lights were put off and the opening credits started rolling on the screen.

As time passed, Yuvi tried to get close to Kashish. Kashish hesitated as Anurag and Anamika were sitting right next to them. But eventually Yuvi managed to seduce Kashish and kissed her passionately on her lips. Anamika was more interested in what was happening in the seats next to her than the actual movie. She saw Yuvi insert his hand into Kashish’s top. Anurag had no clue what was happening. He felt Anamika was staring at him in the absence of lights. He put his hands on her shoulder and brought her close. They gazed at each other for a while until Anamika took his arm from her shoulder and placed it back on his lap.

‘Now what? Why are you pushing me away?’ Anurag asked in frustration.

‘Nothing. Please, not here,’ Anamika replied.

‘Is it the first time we are doing this?’ Anurag questioned again.

‘Please, not now. Can we just watch the movie, please, like the rest of the audience?’ Anamika requested.

‘Of course. Anyway, I don’t mean anything to you, right? I am a loser. Thanks for letting me know.’

‘When did I say that?’ Anamika said raising her voice.

To avoid fighting, Anurag kept quiet and did not react further. It would have been embarrassing to fight in front of Yuvi and Kashish, especially when they were having a good time together. Anurag didn’t talk to Anamika for the entire movie. On the other side, Yuvi and Kashish’s romance was picking up heat to which not only left Anurag but even Anamika feeling insecure. But lovers are lovers! They just look for an opportunity. The movie got over and Yuvi decided to drop Anamika and Anurag home.

‘Just stop the car at a nearby restaurant. I want to take a parcel,’ Anurag requested Yuvi on the way.

‘Sure. Buy some booze as well. You can make the most of it,’ Yuvi teased Anamika from the rear-view mirror.

‘Thank you for your suggestion,’ Anamika said dismissively. She kept looking at him through the same rear mirror while driving the car. Yuvi dropped Kashish at her house and gave her a goodbye kiss at the gate. This made both Anamika and Anurag jealous as they had had a bad fight during the movie. Dropping off Kashish, Yuvi took to the wheel again and finally halted at a good roadside restaurant. Anurag got down to take the parcel while Yuvi and Anamika sat in the car. Yuvi turned back to look at Anamika and gave her a smile.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.

‘You really love Kashish a lot, right?’ she questioned.

‘Of course. No other girl has brought me the same amount of joy that she has in my life. I know now that if there was ever someone who could love me and take care of me, it is Kashish. You know what, Anamika? I fall deeper and deeper in love with her every day. The passion in our relationship is still alive,’ Yuvi said with a big smile on his face.

Anamika smiled back and looked outside the window.

‘What about you?’ Yuvi asked.

‘Me…. me too!’ Anamika whispered.

‘Really? I thought you were just…. with Anurag. Remember you had told me?’ Yuvi asked curiously.

‘Oh, you are talking about Anurag. I was just kidding. Obviously, I am not serious. We are more like friends than lovers. Did you see me getting intimate with him in the movie hall like Kashish?’ Anamika winked.

‘Maybe you are too shy or maybe he is not bold,’ Yuvi laughed and they gave a high-five to each other.

As their hands touched each other, Yuvi held her hand and said, ‘I am sorry.’

‘Why are you saying sorry?’ she asked.

Yuvi held her hand firmly, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand. Before they could talk, they saw Anurag walking towards the car. Yuvi immediately let go of her hand. Then on second thoughts, he took her hand again and kissed it to apologize for the wrong things he had thought about her.

‘Anurag is watching. He will kill me if he sees you kissing my hand,’ Anamika whispered nervously.

‘Don’t worry, my windows are fully tinted. He can’t see what’s happening inside,’ Yuvi smiled.

‘Why did you say sorry?’ she asked again.

‘Will tell you some other time,’ Yuvi replied unlocking the doors of the car.

Anurag got into the car and gave Yuvi directions to his house. An hour later, Yuvi dropped both of them at Anurag’s apartment. Yuvi wanted to tell her that somewhere he assumed that she would just go wrong way and spoil the band image. He felt that her not-so-serious relationship would hamper their growth. He also thought that Anamika was that kind of a girl who could sleep around with others for her own benefit. But he was wrong. He still had doubts about Anurag though. He also wanted to tell her that somewhere he felt attracted towards her. If it was not for Kashish, he would have surely thought of making a move on her. But that wasn’t a possibility. Yuvi was trying to build the bonding stronger than before. However, Anurag bumped in between and Yuvi didn’t utter a word.

* * *

Anurag’s Residence, RK Puram, Delhi

‘I have brought your favourite brand and your favourite flavour—just to make you feel special,’ Anurag stated revealing the contents of the bag he had picked up from the restaurant on their way to his house.

‘What the fuck!’ Anamika shouted.

‘What? You dirty mind. I am talking about Vodka,’ he smiled.

He had purchased a vanilla-flavoured Smirnoff Vodka for the night. Anamika loved that flavour and her eyes glittered with happiness. She hugged Anurag for making the evening so special.

‘I have something else for you,’ Anurag added.

He brought out a greeting card from the bag and gave it to her. Anamika just gazed at him for few seconds before kissing him on his cheek for giving her such a lovely surprise. It had their photo on the front and a picture of Anamika dancing at the back. On the inside, their names were written in a beautiful font on the left and a message on the right. She started reading the text.

I don’t know how you will react to this little note of love. You may feel surprised, flattered, or be indifferent. But rest assured, this is my first love letter to any girl. I am not good at words but I will still try to convey my feelings to you. I have been in a relationship in the past but have never felt this way about someone. I am so struck by your innocent, child-like face. This is a small poem for you. Though it hasn’t been written by me, it reflects my love towards you.

To my love,

When nothing makes sense and every thought is blurred,

Love will find its way!!

When you look into my eyes, you view my soul.

It is everything I am and because of it,

I will always love you!!

If there was a word to describe my love,

Surely it would only be spoken by God!!

All I have to offer you is me and my love,

Though both are simple, I promise they are true.

Life is truly a mystery,

A puzzle waiting to be solved!

Although one might be able to solve it alone,

The answer will be found easier with another!!

I want to discover life with you Anamika,

And experience all of life’s mysteries together in your embrace!! I love you, dil se!

She closed the greeting card and kept it on the table beside her. The next moment she jumped into Anurag’s arms. They hugged tightly for the next few minutes after which Anurag took her to the bedroom for some drinks. He made a Vodka peg with sprite and offered it to Anamika.

‘Cheers. This is for our love,’ he said raising a toast.

Anamika started feeling awkward as she didn’t really love him. Her guilt had caught up with her. She remained quiet and took a sip of the vodka. She had started this relationship just to escape ragging and get over her phobia. But the same relationship was now getting on her nerves as Anurag was trying to come too close to her. She had never imagined Anurag would get serious about her. She gulped her drink down in one go and refilled her glass again.

‘Are you fine? Don’t drink too much,’ Anurag requested.

‘Chill. I am fine. Make another one for me,’ she ordered putting down the glass after her second shot.

Anurag made another peg which she gulped down again at the speed of lightning. She remained quiet for some time and then turned towards Anurag. She was not in her senses anymore and the alcohol was having its effect on her.

‘Do you really love me so much? I mean, I don’t. Then how can you?’ she said in a low tone.

Anurag took it as a joke and ignored her. But she kept asking the same question again and again. Anurag kept the glasses of vodka aside and came close to her leaving no space. Their thighs rubbed against each other.

‘I can’t express how much I love you. I agree that I just wanted to show you off in the beginning, but as I got to know the real person behind this hot and sexy figure, I started falling madly and deeply in love with you and now I can’t live without you baby. I can fight with everyone to keep you in my life.’

As he said this, Anamika started feeling guiltier. She wanted to tell him everything but she knew how aggressive Anurag could be if he got upset. She kept mum for her own safety. They hugged each other and continued drinking.

‘I love you Anamika. You are so sexy and so ravishing. I so want you right now,’ Anurag whispered in her ear holding her by her waist.

‘I love you too,’ Anamika replied.

‘Would you mind playing golf tonight?’ Anurag teased her.

‘Shut up,’ Anamika said pinching his shoulders lightly.

Anurag still continued to woo her by caressing her back and kissing her neck. Anamika knew that her neck was her weakest point and whenever anyone touched her neck or licked it, she would lose control easily. Romance in any relationship demands time; it demands being open to feeling loved and wanting to love. But Anamika was not craving love. The more Anurag touched her, the more she turned cautious. She never wanted to get intimate with him and had preserved her womanhood for her prince.

Anurag was surely not the one. Her top fell on the floor and he pulled her skirt up to her thighs but Anamika pulled it down again, opposing Anurag’s action. His hands had almost gone inside her skirt reaching for her secret place where he felt warmth and sweat. Anamika stood up in shock and turned to leave. This sudden change in her behaviour pissed Anurag off as he was at the peak of excitement and was longing for more.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you? We are couples,’ he screamed.

‘That doesn’t give you the right to do this to me. I don’t like all this. You might be used to it but I am not. I am not so drunk that I will allow you to take advantage of the situation,’ she screamed louder than him.

‘You bloody whore. What do you mean by this? Was I taking advantage? You are my girlfriend God dammit. I did not force you to come here. I brought you here so that we could share this moment and take our relationship further.’ Anurag couldn’t control his anger anymore and hurled the air conditioner remote at Anamika. Luckily, she escaped unhurt.

‘That’s it. I am going. I can’t stay here anymore,’ she stated.

Anurag got up and went closer to her. He held her so tightly by her arms that it almost hurt her. Tears came rolling down her eyes. But Anurag ignored it and kept shouting at her. Every passing second his grip on her arms got stronger, hurting her even more.

‘Please, I want to go. I am not feeling well. What do you want me to do? Sleep with you on this bed? That I should obey your orders and lose my virginity?’ she asked.

‘Oh please. Don’t tell me you are a virgin. Girl like you can’t be a virgin,’ he shouted again.

Anamika pushed him aside. This time, his words had really hurt her. For a split second, she felt as if she was really a slut. For a split second, she feared losing her virginity. But she managed to escape his grip and immediately left the place. She didn’t even wipe her tears or comb her hair. Her eyeliner had spread all over her face leaving black marks near her eyes. Anurag tried hard to stop her but all in vain.

Her self-esteem was shattered. She was left void and empty. She knew this was coming but she didn’t expect it to come this way. Anurag tried hard to express to her that he didn’t want her only to satisfy his physical needs and that he really loved and cared for her. When a relationship fails, it hurts. But when you fail a person, it hurts even more. On her way back, she kept comparing how Yuvi treated his girlfriend with so much care and how brutally Anurag treated her.

Why do we blame ourselves when the other person decides to cheat on us or force himself on us? Why does it make us think that we are not worthy of love? Both of them thought that night that they were not worthy of love.