Chapter 9: Broken Threads - Sorry, You're Not My Type

Rajhans College, Delhi

17th September, 2012

What do you call it when all you feel is pain and loneliness? When you are in your house but it doesn’t feel like home, when you look back in your life and every choice you made seems wrong, when your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame, when you smile and laugh but you know it’s all fake, and when nothing makes you happy at all. Anamika felt exactly the same. She felt unheard, unseen, depressed, and weak.

‘Someone find me, I am scared. Please hold me until it all ends. I don’t want to be alone in the dark. Just hold me as I start to disappear from the light. Just hold me so I won’t be alone. Do you know what it feels like to be left behind? Losing everyone around you in such little time? I never thought I would cry over someone. I was such a carefree girl before. But now why do I feel as if I’m all alone, as if something is killing me?’

With a heavy heart, she went to college on Monday, the day after the finale performance. She felt as if everyone around her was looking at her and cursing her for what she had done. She wanted to talk to Yuvi and explain to him the entire scenario after apologizing. Yuvi was sitting with Vikrant in a vacant classroom. Anamika felt ashamed to face them and wanted to run away. She wanted her friends back. She went inside the classroom and stood in front of them. Vikrant told her that Yuvi was extremely upset over what had happened yesterday and wanted to be left alone for some time. But Anamika couldn’t take it anymore.

‘Guys, I am sorry. I never thought Anurag would spoil our show.

‘Look Anamika, I had warned you umpteen times that keep your love affairs private and don’t let it mess with our performance. But you didn’t listen to us. You had to mess with him and spoil everything. How can you even expect us to forgive you? I don’t know about Vikrant, but at least I won’t forgive you. Vikrant ran away for his true love but you spoiled the show for your own fun. You never wanted a serious relationship and still were roaming around with him. You knew how cheap Anurag is, why did you continue roaming with him? How cheap can you get? Now go and trap another guy. You will gain more popularity.’

‘How can you say that? I did not expect this from you. You mean to say I sleep around with guys to increase my popularity? I thought at least you would understand me. But I was wrong. I never knew you had so much of hatred inside you.’

‘Get lost. Don’t eat my brains. I beg you to go away right now,’ Yuvi screamed.

Anamika had expected at least her friends to understand her. She wanted to hug Yuvi and tell him that it was not her fault. She wanted Yuvi to stand by her and fight against Anurag. But nothing like that happened. Instead Yuvi blamed Anamika. Vikrant told her to leave and assured her not to worry as he would handle the situation. The only person who could convince Yuvi was Vikrant. Anamika left the classroom on Vikrant’s suggestion while he tried to calm him down.

A broken piece of thread can never be joined back without a knot. Anamika feared her relationship was headed in the same direction.

* * *

‘Vikrant! Vikrant!’ Anamika came running towards him. Her screams caught him completely off guard.

‘They will kill each other. Please, let’s go fast.’ She caught hold of his hands and lead him towards the main gate.

As they reached the main gate, they saw Yuvi attacking Anurag. Anurag kept defending himself and hitting him back. Yuvi tried to show his dominance by punching him so hard that he fell down to the floor. He tried to get up but Yuvi was in no mood to stop. He kept hitting him hard with the deadliest blows.

Vikrant was speechless and didn’t know what to do. Anamika kept screaming and begging for them to stop but they ignored her. Vikrant ran in their direction to put an end to the fight.

‘Vikrant, I beg you to please stop them. Please stop,’ Anamika kept screaming.

As Vikrant went close, Anurag gave him a strong punch on his stomach that knocked him. This angered Yuvi even more. He pounced on Anurag like a tiger and knocked him to the ground. He could have killed him that moment had Vikrant not interrupted them.

‘Yuvi stop it. What are you doing? Don’t act childish. Leave him. You’ve got my swear you will not hit him again,’ Yuvi heard a voice behind him say just when he was about to give his final blow. Kashish’s words made him stop dead in his tracks. He got up leaving him unconscious on the floor. Blood was rolling down his forehead and the cuts were visible on his face. Even his knuckles were bleeding. If Kashish would not have come there at that moment, a disaster would have happened. Yuvi had completely forgotten that he had called Kashish over since they were supposed to go for a date. Before she could come, Anurag had provoked him, which led to a big fight between the two. He had teased the band’s repeated failure and questioned their creditability. Yuvi couldn’t digest the insult and had hit him hard.

Kashish dragged him away from the fight scene. Vikrant and Anamika followed them outside the campus. Some of the college staff had watched the act and had already informed the principal about it. Yuvi was given a notice of suspension with immediate effect. It was the end of everything. The end of VAYU.

* * *

Kashish purchased a bottle of Bisleri to clean up Yuvi’s wounds. She made him sit near the tapri on the corner of the road. Yuvi hugged her and cried loudly. He was heartbroken. Vikrant and Anamika stood beside them without speaking a word.

‘You guys please leave. I don’t want him to cry anymore. I can’t see him like this. I love him too much,’ Kashish pleaded with Vikrant and Anamika.

‘Let Vikrant stay. I want him to stay,’ Yuvi whispered.

Anamika understood Yuvi didn’t want her around. She looked at Kashish who pleaded with her to leave. Anamika felt heartbroken and left. She felt a slight tinge of jealousy that at such critical phase Yuvi had Kashish by his side while she didn’t have anyone who could understand her feelings.

‘I had told you that her relationship will screw up everything. I had warned you so many times. But no one bothered to hear me or take my words seriously,’ Yuvi cried.

‘Yuvi forget it. We will get over all this. We will get the band going again. For now, just don’t think about it and spoil your health,’ Vikrant consoled him by patting his back.

After some time they parted ways. Yuvi and Kashish went to his home by car while Vikrant walked towards the metro station. On his way to the station, Vikrant wondered what life would have been like without Yuvi and Anamika and he realized how important these two friends were to him. He desperately wanted Yuvi and Anamika to re-unite once again. He just prayed that this break up won’t lead to the end of their band. Sometimes breaking up can breathe new life and love back into a relationship that has lost its passion and trust. It can act as a wake-up call. When the person we love the most is absent from our lives, we realize how much we truly need them and start valuing them more. Vikrant decided to bring the band back together anyhow. If there was anyone who could, then it was Vikrant. If VAYU had to reunite, Vikrant was the only one who could bring them together. Vikrant knew that even though they showed that they didn’t care, nothing could break them apart!

* * *

Vikrant boarded the metro and saw Sanaya sitting quietly reading a book. He wondered from which station she had boarded the train as he hadn’t seen her at Vishwavidyalaya metro station. He mustered the courage to talk to her.

‘Sanaya, I know you don’t hate me. It was because of our band that you kept a distance from me. But now you know the bitter truth. I told you that we were in no way connected with Anurag when I approached you for the first time. I also told you that what the reality behind their relationship was. You are ignoring my love for a guy who forced himself on Anamika? What’s my fault in it? You think every guy is the same?’

‘Vikrant let me tell you clearly. It’s not that I hate you. You are a lovely guy. I don’t want to take any decision in a hurry. I am not saying that every guy is the same, but my experiences with guys have always been bad. They are all sweet at first. And later, they start taking things for granted; even cheat,’ she stated.

She had expressed so openly for the first time in front of Vikrant. She told him many things about Anurag—how he used to abuse her and force himself on her. Vikrant lent her a sympathetic ear. At least it was clear that she didn’t hate him and neither was she a wannabe kind of a girl. Vikrant had made the right choice. She would make a perfect wife for him.

‘I agree. But ask yourself—do you seriously think that I can hurt you or even harm you? I’ve been holding my feelings back because I am afraid of its outcome. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable if you don’t feel the same way as I do. For a few days, I even tried to get over my feelings but alas! All in vain! You have captivated my heart. I have no work left other than thinking and dreaming about you. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on. Have you ever seen me talking with any other girl apart from Anamika who is my group member? I am shy to express my feelings because I fear rejection. Whenever I am in a bad mood or am rehearsing for long hours, I think about you and that puts a smile on my face. Think over it. I will always be there for you—whether we remain “just friends” or more. At least don’t refuse to take a chance due to that jerk of a guy who doesn’t even know what a relationship is. He abused you and insulted you and Anamika and tomorrow it will be someone else. Just get over him. He doesn’t deserve so much attention. I will not force you but that’s all I wanted to say. Take care.’

Vikrant had poured his heart out to her. Without looking back, he got down at Rajeev Chowk. His honest speech had forced Sanaya to think. She wondered whether Vikrant’s feelings were true or was he pretending like Anurag had. Somewhere she felt his feelings were true because of Vikrant’s repeated attempts to convince her about his love. Would she be able to accept his love with an open heart or were the grudges of the past going to kill her every minute? Somewhere she felt that he would keep her happy because of his caring nature.

A person’s character reflects in his behaviour. Anurag impressed girls by wearing branded clothes and watches, driving luxurious cars, and keeping a heavy bank balance. But what he forgot was that he can’t keep the fire in the relationship alive with those brands. To sustain a relationship, you need to pamper a girl with love and care. Vikrant promised to give Sanaya everything she deserved! Sanaya feared those promises would break once more! She could not take another heartbreak.

Dil jab kisike liye sochne pe majboor ho jaaye,

Tab woh dastak hai naye rishte ki shuruvat ki,

Dil jab kisiko aazmaane ke liye qubool kar jaaye,

Tab woh dastak hai naye rishte ki shuruvat ki!!

Dil jab tanhaiyon me kisike liye muskuraane lage,

Tab woh dastak hai naye rishte ki shuruvat ki.

Ahista ahista jab aap kisika yakeen karne lage,

Ahista ahista kisike kareeb jaane lage,

Tab woh dastak hai naye rishte ki shuruvat ki.

* * *

Anurag felt cheated and wanted to teach Anamika a lesson. A lesson which she would never forget all her life. His anger had risen to a level that it had become an obsession. For the first time he had loved someone and that girl had betrayed him. The incident with Yuvi acted as a catalyst to fuel his anger. He became furious and made plans to hurt her in such a manner that she could never lead a normal life again. He had started drinking regularly to avoid the pain. Sometimes he even slept in his car or on the pavement outside the bar—not knowing what he was thinking and speaking. On one such day, he messaged Anamika,

You told me that no one could ever replace me. You lied! You told me that I was your one and only. You lied! You told me that you would love me forever and never let me go. You lied! You told me that you would forgive and forget about everything I did wrong. You lied! You told me that you will erase the memories of that night. You lied! You told me that you will never leave me. You lied! You told me you would never lie to me! YOU LIED! All you did was lie and cheat. Just get out of my sight, get out of my mind. Get out of this world. This feeling in my chest is no longer just a feeling. You held my hand when you needed me and threw me away after using me. Now when I want you, you slapped my love. I will kill you. You won’t live happily ever. This is just a start. Your band is over, and now me teri band bajaunga. Fuck off.

Anamika didn’t pay attention to his threat messages. She had decided she was not going to let his anger affect her. She wanted to lead a life of normalcy again. She even changed her mobile number and decided to block him on WhatsApp. But he caught hold of her number from somewhere and started calling her up again. In every message and phone call he just warned her that if she did not forgive him, he will make her regret one day and even harm her. Anamika was a brave girl and handled it on her own without letting anyone know except Vikrant as he was the only true friend she could trust. Yuvi had been keeping a distance from her ever since that incident. Their distance increased as the days passed. It was getting difficult for Vikrant to handle both Yuvi and Anamika. He cared for both, he loved them both, and wanted them together. But life is strange. It always does the opposite of what you want.

* * *

Mia Bella

15th September, 2013, Around 5 am

‘I can’t believe it. Shit man, how could he even think like that,’ Sakshi wondered aloud.

‘No one could believe what was happening at that time. But it was the truth. Everything was slipping from our hands. The band, fame, friendship, love, and grades. In short, our life had come to a standstill and we had no control over it,’ Vikrant stated.

I had no words to describe my emotions. I admired the courage Vikrant had showed in narrating the story to us. You don’t realize how strong a person really is until you see them in their weakest moment.

He had narrated the entire story to us even though it was hard for him to think about it again. If you look up the meaning of ‘friend’ in the dictionary, you will find that friend means a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection who guides us through loss and pain. He had tried to be such a friend to Yuvi and Anamika. But when a bond is broken, is there any hope for a reunion? When words have different meanings, when feelings are left ignored, is there any hope for a reunion? Maybe our misguided actions are a part of our lives that enable us to learn from them and fully discover ourselves.

A few misconstrued words and misguided actions had put their friendship in risk. What was more surprising for me was to see how nasty Anurag could get. He was ready to even kill Anamika for the sake of revenge! And then he said he loved her. I still felt the same and believed it was the after effect of the break-up.

‘Did Anurag and Anamika come face to face with each other again? How did Anamika react to those messages? I mean, she should have filed a complaint against him straight away,’ I said.

‘I told her the same thing. But she didn’t want her parents to get into any trouble. I was worried for her, as I knew how vicious Anurag was. His friends said that he has changed and seriously loved Anamika and wanted her back in his life but that was not the way to win someone’s love. Every day I feared for Anamika when she left the college premises alone. But she preferred to not tell the cops about it. You know how tough it gets for a girl, right? I mean the cops will ask all kind of weird questions to her in front of her family. She was brave enough to handle it on her own so she decided to simply ignore him. However, Anurag never tried to follow her home or harass her physically. Whatever he did was through text messages and calls.’

‘What about Yuvi?’ Sakshi inquired.

‘What about him?’ Vikrant said sipping his drink.

‘I mean what about the grudges that had developed between Yuvi and Anamika?’ she said reframing her query.

‘It was unbearable for me. Every day I tried some or the other way to bring them close but that didn’t help. They kept avoiding each other for silly reasons. Anamika had no issues but Yuvi had many. He was upset obviously upset because of their performance at the intercollege festival for which he blamed Anamika. But he was more upset because of the love that viewers showered on Anamika. Wherever we went to perform, guys and girls would go crazy for Anamika and that brought a sense of insecurity in Yuvi. He was the lead and wanted more appreciation but that didn’t happen. Not because he lagged somewhere in his performance but because Anamika was the more popular of the two because of her hot looks. It killed Yuvi from within and made him behave badly with Anamika.’

‘Was he even attracted to her? That’s what you said,’ I asked.

‘Yes, the fact was that the more he tried to hate her, the more he got attracted to her. Rather obsessed with her. He never told anyone about it though. Kashish was the one rescuing factor in his life. Had she not been present with him in his difficult hour, he would have gone insane,’ Vikrant explained.

Some moments bring us together, some moments tear us apart, and some moments change us forever! That evening had changed Yuvi forever.

‘Did you manage to bring them together?’Sakshi asked curiously.

‘Yuvi was hurt. Bringing them together as they were before was a tough task. Yuvi had lost everything except Kashish. He suspension letter came as a shock for him and changed everything. Things slowly took a turn for the worse. I kept telling him that we had to reunite for the band’s sake and that things were finally shaping up for the better. That trip was the last chance to bring them together.’

‘What does that mean?’ I asked immediately.

‘I convinced Yuvi and Anamika to come along for a trip with me and my love. They had no choice but to say yes. I had hit bull’s eye. The trip was my way of bringing them together,’ Vikrant smiled.

‘What are you saying? I can’t understand anything Vikrant,’ I said scratching my head.

‘When I met Sanaya in the metro that day, she was forced to think about what I had said. I had told Yuvi to convince Sanaya to join us for an overnight trip. She thought of Yuvi as a friend and trusted him. By taking her on the trip, I wanted an opportunity to show my real self that she was not acquainted with. Life seemed like a struggle, but there was one thing that remained constant. My love for Sanaya. My love had no definition. Yuvi knew how much I wanted Sanaya in my life though she was senior to me. Yuvi had agreed to convince Sanaya. He was on talking terms with her and it was not difficult for him to convince her as they both had one thing in common. Hatred for Anurag. Every time he would meet her, he would start praising me in front of her. In due course of time, he was able to convince her to come for the trip. Though she was not on talking terms with me or Anamika, she agreed to come for Yuvi’s sake. He also told me that she had a soft corner for me and I just need to make the most of this trip and tell her all I had in my heart. Yuvi had already created a good image of me in front of her. All that was needed was a push,’ Vikrant explained.

It was the beginning of a new relationship. Vikrant was positive that this trip would bring all of them together. Sometimes the best beginnings of our lives may end in sorrow but sometimes even after darkest days, the sun shines brightly the next day. Vikrant hoped for the sun to shine bright, bringing a ray of hope to their lives.

The story had completely taken over me. I had gone through so much in my life. But after listening to their story, I realized so many people in the world are sailing in the same boat as me. I was living their lives listening to Vikrant and experiencing all the pain that they had gone through. At a difficult junction in their lives, Vikrant had donned the cap of leader and was managing the troop well. He had brought Yuvi, Anamika and Sanaya together which was certainly no small feat. He knew exactly what he was doing. The only time he did not know what to do was when he came face to face with Sanaya. But that’s love and we should love a girl like the last drop of alcohol in a bottle on a dry day.

‘So what happened next? Where did you all decide to go?’ I was curious to know more.

‘We were yet to decide the place. I wanted to leave the decision to Yuvi, Anamika, and Sanaya so that they could get talking each other while planning for the trip. I preferred to isolate myself from the planning just for the sake of our friendship. Even small discussions can help to bring back that intimacy in a broken friendship. More importantly, I wanted Anamika and Sanaya to gel well together. Both were equally important people of my life. I was somewhat successful in getting things right by bringing them under one roof. At least they didn’t throw things at each other. They even smiled occasionally and as the day of the trip came closer, the frequency of smiles increased between them. We had decided to go to Daman.’

‘Did Sanaya get any hint that was going to happen there?’

‘Yes. She had a hint that I was planning to propose to her. That encouraged me more. Even though she knew about my plans, she seemed perfectly normal. Was Yuvi behind it? I had no idea whatsoever. I didn’t dig for the reason behind it as I was content at least they were getting along well with each other,’ Vikrant replied.

It was a new start to things. Relationships are like lemons, sweet and sour. Vikrant and Sanaya were scared to show their feelings because of their past experiences. But Vikrant never gave up trying. He never let go even though Sanaya said she was not ready for it. As days went by, they realized that this feeling inside them cannot be denied anymore. Sanaya made him fall crazily in love with her.

Feelings always speak the truth. If you try to hide them, then they come out through other unspoken means like body language and facial expressions. And when you are in love, it’s never too late. I sat back and relaxed. I wanted to hear more. Yuvi-Kashish and now Vikrant-Sanaya’s relationship made me realize that two relationships can never be the same. There are different thoughts, feelings, and people involved.

‘Kashish didn’t join you all?’ Sakshi asked.

‘No, she had a family function to attend that week. But we all were ready to have fun, including Yuvi. I was nervous as I had to express my love to Sanaya and make her feel special. I wanted to let her know how much I loved her and needed her in my life. Our journey started on 2nd October and we reached Vapi a day later by the Aug-Kranti Express.’