Chapter 29: THEN - The Safe Room

My happy friend slid a tequila shot across the table and grinned at me. I shook my head, feeling my cheeks flush bright red, but she nodded, egging me on.

“Come on, Amber. Exams are over! Live a little.”

I was in what ought to be my worst nightmare—a crowded bar full of drunk, excited people, deafening music and alcohol. But as Karolina nudged the shot one more time, I reached out for it and braced myself for the burn of the bitter liquid. After it trickled down my throat, she passed me a lime wedge to suck on.

“Yuck!” I exclaimed.

Rachel, the redhead on my left—not her natural colour—started to laugh. Karolina—who always reminded me of Honey with her long blonde hair, grimaced as she took her own shot.

I was out with my housemates in York after finishing our second-year exams. At this point, I hadn’t heard from Peter since the restraining order was put in place, and I’d reached a new level of complacency that felt alien to me. I truly believed he’d left me alone.

“So, tell me about Ed,” Rachel said, smiling. “How was the date?”

“It was good. We went for a walk.” I shrugged.

Karolina made a face. “A walk? Where?”

“Around the city. We went in bookshops and had a coffee afterwards.” I smiled sheepishly. I knew my date sounded boring to them because it didn’t entail food or alcohol, but I’d wanted to do something in the day while it was light, and definitely in public.

I’d been tense at first on our date, but as we chatted about the books we like—he’d even read some Jane Austen and Toni Morrison—I started to feel relaxed around him. Sort of like I was at home with just his company.

“Is there going to be a second date?” Karolina asked.

“I think so.”

“Good.” Rachel gave my arm a squeeze. “But we need to meet him. He needs vetting before this gets serious.”

“Absolutely,” Karolina chimed in. “No man-whores allowed, only boyfriend material.” She made a face. “That’s the new pact for next year.”

“What, no man-whores?” Rachel took a big swig of wine.

“And no more friends with benefits. I’m now officially done with Nathan,” Karolina said.

“What?” I exclaimed. “But you two were fun together.”

She rolled her eyes. “He’s getting back with his ex.”

“What?” I said again, my jaw dropping open. “Oh, fuck him then.”

We got up to dance, and my thoughts moved away from Ed. My thoughts moved away from everything except the music, the warmth spreading around my body, and my two housemates. At some point we got more tequila shots, and Karolina threw up in the toilets. Rachel and I got her in a taxi to go home but decided to carry on. That was until her boyfriend turned up.

“Babe, I’m gonna walk with Dave back to his,” she said, slurring her words near the bar entrance. “You good getting a taxi back on your own?”

I had liquid courage in my belly. I was in York, miles away from that estate in Leeds where Peter haunted my every move. I hugged her goodbye and told her I was going to be just fine.

I stumbled down the Shambles, high heels catching on every cobble. There were a few other weekend partiers in groups, and the sound of laughter echoing around me. The cool summer air dried sweat on the nape of my neck. Maybe it would be okay if I walked home, just this once.

But then I suddenly seemed to be alone. I checked around me for the reassurance of someone else and saw a figure out of the corner of my eye. Tall, dressed in a long overcoat that reached his knees, with dark hair clipped short, walking in the opposite direction. When I stumbled, he held out a hand for me to take and, in that instant, I took it.

The man let out a strange whimper of ecstasy. “Amber. Oh, Amber, I’ve missed you⁠—”

I yanked my hand away, a wave of revulsion hitting me, like realising I’d eaten something rotten after swallowing it. Peter Harlow stood in front of me, thinner, his eyes darker, his smile wider, like a grimace. I curled my hand into a fist to stop the shaking, but the sensation didn’t fade. He was printed on my palm now.

He reached for me again, but I flinched away from him.

“It’s so good to see you, Amber. How are you?”

The sour tequila threatened to come up from my gut. I turned away from Peter and started to run.

“Oh, Amber, come on. It’s not safe doing that.”

I felt like Bambi losing her legs on the icy lake, my sore feet squashed into uncomfortable, heeled shoes, toes blistered and bleeding from dancing, my ankles bending under the strain. When I saw him easily catching up with me, I kicked them off and started sprinting, pure panic raging through me.

“Amber!” he called after me. “Wait, I just want⁠—”

But I could no longer hear him, I was tearing down the streets of York, bemused revellers watching me like I was an exhibition at the zoo. I only stopped when I thought I might throw up, though at that point I was stone cold sober. I searched every face for him, but he wasn’t there.

Then I saw two men in uniform and ran across to them, jumping into their path.

“Oi,” one said, his eyes narrowing. “You nearly bumped into us then. Watch it.”

“Sorry. I… I saw my stalker, h-he’s dangerous. There’s a restraining order and… and he just violated it.”

The other officer, older, with greying whiskers, took out his notebook. “Where was this?”

“On the Shambles. Three minutes ago.”

“What’s his name?”

“Peter Harlow.”

The first officer sighed loudly and asked, “Have you been drinking, miss?”

“Yes… um… a little, with friends.”

He raised his eyebrows. “And yet your friends aren’t here now. Neither are your shoes by the looks of things.”

“I took them off to run away,” I said. “I was scared. He started stalking me when I was fifteen, and… and I…” I bit my bottom lip, trying to stop the tears from starting.

“Oh, dear,” the belligerent officer said.

The kinder man ignored his partner. “You’re all right now. We’ll take a look, see if we can find him. Can you give a description?”

I was able to give him a thorough description of Peter that he dutifully noted. He also took my phone number and name.

“All right. There’s a taxi there. Are you able to get yourself home?”

I nodded and limped over to the taxi.

For the first time in years, I cried my eyes out, and when I got out of the taxi and into the house, I couldn’t stop searching the space around me, checking the front and back doors were locked, looking for open windows, drawing each curtain. How long had he been watching me? Did he know where I lived? Was he out there right now?

I found Karolina asleep on the sofa and made sure she was on her side. I fired off a text to Rachel to check she’d made it to Dave’s okay. Then I went to bed and pulled the duvet up to my chin, trying to stop my body from trembling all over.

The shock of the anxiety unravelled me and for days I stayed in my room with the curtains drawn, never wanting to leave the house again. I had to rearrange my second date with Ed, too scared to even contemplate being around another man. Eventually, the officer called me to tell me they’d spoken to Peter Harlow, and he claimed to have bumped into me unknowingly.

“That’s not possible,” I said. “The restraining order was updated, and Peter was given a zone in which he could not enter. He knew what he was doing.”

The officer was quiet for a moment. “If that’s the case, then we can arrest him.”

I held my breath. Was this it? The moment I’d been hoping for? Peter Harlow put behind bars?

“You’d really arrest him?”

The officer laughed. “Well, he broke the law, Ms Ellis.”

Finally, I thought, sinking onto my bed. He broke the law. He can be punished. Maybe the terror was all worth it because I’ll get to see justice being served.