Chapter 47 - Chase Me, Cowboy

We go back to Wyoming the day after next. Serena sits in the airport, frowning intermittently. I can tell our phone call back home took away a little of the excitement. It would only make it worse to tell her that Coen expressed some hesitation in me dating his future sister-in-law. Honestly, I should have seen this one coming. For some reason, I thought Coen would be as supportive of me as I was of him. I get that this is a different circumstance. I do. But I’m a little bit pissed.

I’d rather Serena not know that, though, so I force myself to hide it.

We hit the ground in Dallas and decide to stay the night in a hotel. The flight was delayed, the wait was long, and we’re both cranky by the end of it. I keep that hidden, too, because I want her to feel like she can express herself to me. She’s had a good week, but a hard one. A lot has changed. I’d be surprised if her mood was stable.

“You get in bed,” I say, shutting the door to our hotel room. “I’ll figure out food.”

She walks past me, and I glance down.

“Hey, sweetheart, you got something,” I say, catching her waist.

She twists, looking back.

“Damn it,” she says, voice breaking.

She has a little stain on her sweats, the ones I got her in Maine. “I’ll run out and get dinner and pads. It’s no big deal,” I say gently.

She sinks onto the chair and covers her face. Alright, so she’s doing a little worse than I thought. I drop our bags and sink down, taking her hands. She pulls them back, letting out a frustrated sigh. Her lashes glisten.

“Sorry, it’s not that,” she says. “I mean, I didn’t really want to start my period, but it’s not that.”

“I know,” I say. “You are on the pill…right?”

“I am; I still bleed,” she says. “I’m careful, I wouldn’t stop it without telling you.”

“I know, I was just asking.”

She’s quiet, and I let her sit and think. Finally, she sniffs and wipes her eyes.

“I just wanted them to be excited for me,” she whispers.

My heart breaks. “I know, baby.”

It doesn’t do any good right now to tell her that Coen is having a reasonable response for someone with his past. I’d be concerned if he didn’t express hesitation. Yeah, I’m kinda pissed he couldn’t put on a better front for Serena, but I was there for all the good, bad, and ugly. The ugly got real fucking ugly.

But the good was good, too.

Serena is a different case than Coen. We went into music without anyone seasoned holding our hands. Marion had experience, but not in the way we needed. She’d never toured, her client list was pretty small, and all she had to offer was her limited perspective. But Serena has me, and I have been in the trenches.

“I will talk to Coen,” I say.

“And Sabrina?”

“Sabrina is probably just worried. She knows how bad Coen got hurt.”

She lets me take her hands.

“I need you to take a deep breath,” I say, in my best client voice. “This is coming from a place of concern. It’s not anything else. Your sister wants you to be safe.”

She sniffs.

“You understand?” I say.

“Yeah,” she whispers. “I do.”

I rise and go to the bathroom to turn on the shower. “Now, you take a hot shower and get in bed. I’ll be back with food and some pads. Or tampons, whatever you want.”

“Pads are fine for now,” she says wearily.

This is one of those moments where I want to reassure her that everything is fine, but she needs me to show it instead. That, I can do. I give her a kiss and leave the room, the faint sounds of her getting in the shower lingering as the door falls shut. On the way down to the first floor, I think about what all this means. Everything will change, not just for me, but for her family. For Coen and me.

I step out onto the street. It’s blisteringly hot and dry.

That’s alright. Things change. Seasons end, and I think I’m in whatever season Coen started when he retired, just my version of it.

Not meaning to, I smile. The city lights are bright and familiar through the hazy night sky. I’ve been in this city a hundred times before. Never like this, never with someone waiting for me inside the hotel.

Whatever I have to do to get Coen and Sabrina to accept this, I’ll do.

If he wants me to retire and be the full-time keeper of Serena, I’m happy to do just that. I’ve done good work. I’ve made my money. Retirement could work.

Thoughts rattling, I head down the street to the CVS on the corner. I’m not sure what she needs; it’s been a long time since I had to buy feminine products. I scan the shelf, tapping my wallet against my palm.

“You need some help, honey?”

I glance up at a woman about ten years my senior, dark hair cut in a blunt bob and eyes hidden behind thick plastic frames. She gives me a kind, hesitant smile.

“Uh…yeah, maybe,” I admit.

She picks up a pink-and-blue pack of pads and a small box of tampons. “These are some good choices, can’t go too wrong here,” she says, handing them over.

I take them, kinda dumbfounded. I’m so busy, I rarely get a chance to interact with regular people doing normal things. She didn’t have to do that for me.

“Thanks,” I say, voice rough.

“Don’t forget the Midol and chocolate,” she says, winking and dipping around me to continue on her way.

I open my mouth to thank her again, but she’s gone. A little turned around, I obediently go to the medicine aisle and get some Midol, then pick out a few chocolate options, and pay at the register. As I hit the street, bag in hand, a strong sense of belonging hits me, even though this city isn’t my home. I think, knowing that she’s here, that I fit into her life, that I have a role there, makes me feel good.

Security.

For the first time…since I got left behind.

Serena’s filling a spot not even Marion could fill.

I clear my throat and keep walking, heading to a little burger joint a few blocks down. It’s late, and it doesn’t take long to get a couple orders of burgers and fries, then carry everything back to the hotel and to our room. She’s curled up in the bed in one of my shirts, eyes heavy.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hey, baby, I got everything I could think of,” I say, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Chocolate, pads, all that shit. And dinner.”

She pushes herself up, eyes soft.

“Come here,” she says.

I do, and she leans up to kiss me. She tastes like the cherry Chapstick I know she keeps in her makeup bag.

“Thank you,” she whispers, pulling back.

“I love you,” I say, before I can stop myself.

Her body tenses, pupils blowing. Fuck, did I mess everything up?

“You do?” she asks.

I nod, heart pounding. She kisses me again, this time deeper and longer. When we break apart, she sniffs and smiles shakily.

“I love you, too,” she breathes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Sliding my hand around her nape, I pull her in again and kiss her mouth, her forehead, the side of her neck. God, I’m so damn relieved. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since I laid eyes on her a year and a half ago. That’s a whole lot of suffering to go through. It was all worth it in the end.

It all worked out. And it’s gonna keep on working out, I believe that.

We eat together, a movie flickering on the TV. She falls asleep against me, and I shift us both down until we’re on the pillows and pull her into my arms.

The next morning, she’s pretty grumpy, which I expected. I bring her breakfast and another Midol, pack us both into a car, and get us to the airport just in time to catch our plane. We’re in first class, so there’s space for her to curl up against my side. She’s out like a light, before we even take off.

I take out my phone and open my calendar.

There’s a million and one appointments here, from meetings to phone calls to boardroom appointments. Until I met her, I didn’t think any of these things could wait. Now, I’ve found that if I ask for a little time, most people are willing to give it. And the ones who won’t can go the way Lenny went.

I glance through the window. How many times have I looked out over the clouds? Not many. Usually, I’ve got my laptop open and my headphones on.

I’m at a crossroads.

Hopefully, the conversation I have with Coen when I see him helps clear some things up. He didn’t give much insight when I spoke to him before. I put my phone away and lean back, resting my eyes for a moment.

There’s time.

For me, for her, for us.

There was always time, I was just too lonely to want it. So I put my head down and let a whole lot of it pass me by. That ends. Now I have something I need all that time for. Someone I want to spend it on.