Chapter 7 - Golden Kingdom

— Part II: Sunder —

I stumbled into my chamber, feeling as though I’d just been kicked in the back by my sister Broga. We’d never gotten along, and I’d always called her Broga the Brick, in part because she had a punch that could flatten a man. I felt like I’d been flattened before having my lifeless body lifted and thrown onto a sharp rock. I couldn’t take a deep breath. I couldn’t see for the tears I could no longer control. I couldn’t even stand.

I fell to my knees and pressed my forehead to the plush rug, inhaling the strange scent of Zleyval. Taio had been so unforgiving. So hard. So dismissive. One moment he was telling me he loved me. The next he could not even look at me without his lip curling. I fell onto my side and pulled my legs up to my chest. My entire body ached as though I’d been physically battered and bruised. How was I supposed to exist without Taio? I couldn’t imagine being without him for a few hours much less the rest of my life.

There had to be something I could say or do to make him love me again. Suddenly, I sat up and swiped at the tears on my cheeks. I knew what I could do! I could find the cure to the red vein disease. He’d forgive me if I found the cure. He’d love me again...wouldn’t he? I couldn’t have ruined things between us forever. He couldn’t hate me forever.

But every time I tried to convince myself of that, I remembered the look on his face and the sharpness in his voice. My body went cold because it was not difficult to believe Taio might never forgive me.

Tonight was the last time he’d hold me. The last time he kissed me. The last time he looked at me with desire and tenderness. I began to weep again and curled into a ball of pain and despair.

I don’t know how long I lay like that, but when the tears dried and the pain was a hollow pit in my belly, a sense of self-loathing washed over me. This agony was my fault. I never should have permitted myself to fall in love with him. I never should have told him I loved him. This was what happened when you allowed emotions in. You all but asked for people to hurt you and make you embarrassed and ashamed. I wished I could take back my declaration of love. Then, even if Taio hated me, at least he wouldn’t know that I loved him. He wouldn’t have that power over me.

How would he use it? Would he tell everyone how silly I was to ever think he’d love me back? I shook my head. No, Taio was not like that. Taio did love me—or at least he had. He was not the liar. I was. A liar and a fool. But I wouldn’t play the fool any longer.

A soft knock made me turn to look at the door. With a glance at the window coverings, I saw a soft gray light in the cracks. I’d made it through the first night without him. I sat and could not stop myself from calling out. “Taio?”

“No, it is Omira. May I enter?”

Did she know? Of course she knew.

“Yes.”

The door swung open, and she stepped inside. She closed the door behind her without looking at me. I still wore Taio’s long shirt, but I pulled the tail over my knees as protection. “Go ahead. Tell me how awful I am.” I wanted to hear the words. I wanted to use them to build my armor. Omira had been wary of me when we’d first met, and her rage was not so novel.

She raised her eyes, so much like Taio’s, especially now as they held the same anger. “I should kill you,” she said. “You’ve been nothing but trouble from the moment we saw you.”

“Kill me then,” I said. “You think I care?” In that moment, I didn’t. I’d lost everything anyway. What did it matter what happened to me?

“I can’t because we need you to find the cure. But once you find it, watch your back.”

I snorted. “You think you can best me? If I decide to fight you, you will be flat on your arse.”

“We shall see. Whatever you do to me, it won’t be worse than what you did to Taio.”

Shock like a dagger ripped through me. “What I did—?” I rose to my knees. I would not allow Omira to hurt me too. I had to fight back. “I did nothing. I waited to tell him news that he could do nothing about anyway. You Zulenii take this obsession with loyalty too far. It wasn’t as though I was plotting with my father. I just waited to tell Taio.”

“Mayhap if you had told him sooner, we could have sent you back.”

There it was—my greatest fear laid bare. But I wasn’t about to admit to Omira or anyone that I’d wanted Taio so much I’d hidden my father’s plans to keep him a little longer. “He needs me to cure the red vein virus.”

“I think we would rather take our chances with the Twilight Men than with a traitor,” she spat. “After all, those with loyalty to none are a danger to all. You, Mara, are a danger to us all.”

I stared at her, trying to see the Omira I loved. But she had donned her armor too. I was no longer among friends, and all I could do was defend against the blows raining down on me. If I didn’t allow myself to feel their anger and contempt, it couldn’t hurt me. “Why are you here?” I asked when I had control of my voice again.

“I am to escort you to an audience with my parents.”

So Taio had ignored Leed’s counsel. Or perhaps Leed had not had the opportunity to speak to him. I shook my head. Taio would have gone to Leed as soon as he’d kicked me out of his chambers. He’d probably not even shed a tear.

“Am I allowed to dress?”

“Yes.”

I nodded and rose from the floor. I found my pack in one of the cabinets and beside it lay my clothing, cleaned and folded on the shelves. I didn’t know who had cleaned my garments, but I was grateful. If everyone thought I loved Earsleh so much, then why fight it? I washed hastily before dressing in my leggings and tunic. I fastened my belt and secured the Zulenii hammer in the loop I’d always used for my skullcrusher. I stuffed my feet into my boots, which were clean but still looked worn and tattered. Lastly, I plaited my hair and tucked it under as I always did when going on patrol. I’d better be prepared to watch my back here from now on.

I stepped out from behind the screen and Omira’s eyes widened as she took in my dress. But she said nothing, simply started for the door, assuming I would follow. I did follow, stepping out in the corridor in time to see Saabin. Saabin’s light blue eyes also widened as she saw my clothing and my hard expression. She took a step back, and as we passed, I hissed at her. She jumped.

Her reaction gave me cold comfort as I realized I would soon be face-to-face with Taio again. Somehow, I would get through that without breaking down. I dug my nails into my palm and bit back the sobs threatening to spill out of me. Omira led me to the same parlor where I’d dined yesterday. No one was at the table this morning. We passed through it to another, larger parlor. Taio, his father, his mother, and Leed stood at a round wooden table and looked up as Omira and I entered.

“Here she is,” Omira said, crossing the room to join the others. I was left standing on the other side, alone. I wanted to lock eyes with Taio, and I couldn’t stop my gaze from flicking to his face. He was dressed all in black again, and his expression was just as dark. My heart hurt to look at him. I’d never imagined we would behave as strangers. None of this seemed real, and yet, I had to accept this new reality or break down. I straightened my shoulders and reminded myself I was the daughter of a king. I could endure anything.

Even Taio refusing to look at me. Even the rejection of his eyes fixed on a point above my head.

Leed finally crossed the room to stand beside me. “I’m here to translate for you,” he said.

“I understand.” And I did. He was making it clear he was not on my side. He was just doing his job.

“I did warn you that loyalty is everything here,” he muttered.

“Just translate,” I said.

He did. The First Gentleman spoke. “Thank you for coming this morning, Lady Mara. Can we offer you refreshment?”

“No. Just say what you called me here to say.”

Leed cleared his throat and translated, though from what I saw of Taio’s expression, Leed softened my response.

“Very well,” the First Gentleman said. “There are two matters to address—that of the cure and that of the army coming to attack us.”

I nodded.

“First of all, will you help us find the cure?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. Not only did I want a cure for all the kingdoms, but I felt some responsibility to the Zulenii. The people in the city hadn’t done anything to deserve my father’s wrath. They were like little saplings that could be effortlessly snapped and trampled. The least I could do was spare them an inevitable attack by the Hollows. “Leed told me he would have the scroll ready for me. I’d like to start on it now to have as much time as possible to decipher it. Then I will help make the cure and test it.”

Taio’s gaze flicked to mine for a moment.

“Thank you,” the First Lady said. “That is very kind.”

“It’s not kindness,” Taio said. “It serves her people too.”

Leed didn’t translate Taio’s words, but I understood. Nothing had changed in the hours we’d been apart. His heart had hardened against me.

“And the second matter,” the First Gentleman said, after clearing his throat. “Taio tells us you were warned that your father, the king, will send an army to level our city.”

“That is what I have been told,” I said. “I should have told you right away.” I kept my gaze on the First Gentleman. “But in my defense—”

Leed made a sound, and I glanced at him. He shook his head slightly. Very well, I’d try different wording. “In my opinion, the danger is not imminent. If the warriors who had accompanied us have made it back by now—and there is no guarantee they were not killed on the way—then my father must still recall the patrols and assemble the soldiers. That will take several weeks, if not months.”

“That is good to know,” the First Lady said when Leed had translated.

I nodded. “It is, my lady, because it means we can still stop the king and avert attack.”

“And how do you propose we do that?” Taio asked, speaking to me for the first time.

I met his gaze with mine, trying to ignore the way my belly clenched when our eyes clashed. “I will return to Highcastle and stop him by any means necessary. Then we all get what we want. You wanted a cure, and I can go home.”

“Is that what we all want?” Taio asked.

“Yes,” I said. I’d been foolish to ever believe it wouldn’t end this way. And I was glad to go home. I didn’t want to stay in Zleyval and watch Taio hate me. How was I to see him every day and know he’d never hold me again, never smile at me? Zulen was a place I had never dreamed might exist, but it was nothing to me without Taio.

“If that is all,” I said, “might I begin work on the scroll with the cure?”

“We won’t keep you,” the First Gentleman said. “Leed, will you take her?”

Leed bowed. “My pleasure.” He gestured for me to go first, and I turned on my heel and marched out of the chamber without looking back.

* * *

THE LIBRARY WAS ON the first floor of Gold House. The north side of the chamber was circular and looked out upon a garden that rivaled any I had ever seen. Leed had told the truth when he said I would be impressed by it. Large trees with leaves of red, orange, yellow, and green shaded the far side of the garden, while the section closest to me was full of flower beds. I’d never seen so many flowers and flowering bushes. Benches sat among the flower beds as well as small structures with vines climbing on them. In the center of the garden was a large pool with a gentle fountain. I swore I saw a fish jump in the pool.

The south side of the chamber was not rounded but had large windows. These looked out on some sort of field that abutted the garden wall. As I soon found out, the field was used for training Leed’s warriors. I’d been working on the scroll for about an hour when I looked up and spotted a few men and women sparring. I immediately recognized Kintle’s carrot-colored hair. I rose and went to the window and picked out Yung and Omira. I didn’t see Taio until a couple of warriors moved slightly, and I realized he was sparring in the center of the group. He’d stripped to the waist, and I immediately recognized his broad, muscled back. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him move. He was so graceful and yet so powerful.

And then I saw the woman circling him. I’d never seen her before, but she had obviously been trained as she was easily evading his jabs at her. She had dark hair she’d secured in a knot on the top of her head. Her smile was quick and almost infectious. I found my own mouth wanting to curve up when she grinned at Taio and then kicked out at him. These kicks were not at full force, but still hard enough to hurt—at least they looked so to me. Taio allowed her foot to connect with his side then grabbed her ankle and sent her tumbling to the ground. Her fall didn’t look too hard, and he offered her his hand and pulled her up. She put her hand on his bare forearm and looked up at him. It seemed an eternity before he released her, and then they stood together as the next pair moved into sparring position.

But I’d seen enough. Clearly, it would not take long before Taio moved on. The pit in my belly yawned wider and filled with more hurt. I pushed it all down and turned away from the window. The sooner I deciphered this scroll, the sooner I could leave.

I returned to the scroll and studied it for a long time. The recipe—I called it a recipe because one section seemed like a list of ingredients—was harder to translate than I’d expected. Firstly, because the scroll was old, and some words were faded and I couldn’t be sure which letters were which. Secondly, because I was slowly realizing that my facility with the royal language was mediocre at best. This recipe contained vocabulary I didn’t remember learning or only vaguely remembered. I hadn’t had practice reading the royal language regularly since I’d been in school.

After Leed had taken me to the library and given me the scroll as well as showed me where ink and parchment were located, I’d decided that I would copy the contents of the scroll onto a fresh sheet of paper so that I could work off that and not risk damaging the original. I’d only copied a fraction of the original, though, because I kept pausing for long periods as I stared at faded ink and tried to make out one letter or another.

I was also not one for long periods of sitting still and focusing. I’d always been the kind of person who wanted to be out doing something. I’d never enjoyed studying or reading or listening to others lecture. I’d probably been in the library for only a couple of hours before there was nothing I wanted more than to escape it.

But I pressed on, forcing myself to concentrate by pretending that every time I lost focus an imaginary Hollow behind me took a step closer. That worked for a while until I started thinking about the actual Hollows on the other side of the river and had the urge to go up in the air boat to take a look.

I forced myself to get back to work, but then the door opened. The library had two doors. One was at the end of a secluded corridor and the other opened into a large, formal music and dancing room. This door was from that room. A man in white and gold—the palace livery, I supposed—smiled tentatively at me. He said something in Zulenii and the word I understood was food.

My stomach rumbled, and I realized I hadn’t had anything to eat at all today. I needed food if I was to focus. “Yes,” I said in Zulenii. “Eat.” I motioned to another table. “Food here.”

The man shook his head and said something I had to have him repeat several times and the gist of which was no food was allowed in the library. Very much used to rules, I didn’t question him and rose to exit the library, but he pointed to the scroll and made a sign of a key in a lock. Leed had taken the scroll from a locked drawer in the wall of book-filled shelves on one side of the chamber. He’d left me the key, and now I placed the scroll carefully back in the drawer, carried it to its place on the shelves, and inserted the key, locking the scroll in place. Then I pocketed the key. I stood for a moment admiring all the books. I wasn’t much of a reader, but I’d never really been given the opportunity to read either. Books were carefully controlled in Earsleh. I’d heard rumors of books with stories, but I’d only ever seen histories and battle guides. I wondered what was inside these hundreds of books. Leed had said I might read any I chose, but I couldn’t read Zulenii.

The palace worker escorted me down a back staircase and into a bright kitchen on the first floor. Windows let in the sun and looked out on the training field and the mountains beyond. On a table facing the windows sat a bowl of steaming soup and a slice of bread. A woman in what must have been a cook’s uniform filled a mug with water and gestured for me to sit. I did so, glad that the training session had ended and I didn’t have to watch Taio’s muscles gleaming in the sun while I tried to eat.

After the meal, I returned to the library and worked on copying the scroll. When my head started aching and I crossed out more than I copied correctly, I decided I needed a rest. I locked the scroll away again, along with my notes and my copy, then opened the door to the corridor. No one stood guard. I stepped out and began to walk, expecting someone to stop me, but no one did. I passed a few workers, and all smiled at me and kept their distance. I took the wide staircase to the second floor and made my way past the receiving room, where I heard voices and music. I had to pass Taio’s room on the way to mine, but I managed not to look at his closed door. Once I reached my room, I rushed inside and leaned against the door. The bed had been made and everything tidied, and I realized sunlight streamed in from the second floor. Curious, I climbed the stairs and stared at the open drapes. I had a view of the mountain side and the scrubby plants that grew there. Taio had told me I might enjoy having them open in the daylight. I had to stop thinking about Taio. I felt a stab of pain each time I remembered something he’d said or did. Each time I pictured his face.

I forced my thoughts to the only thing that could absorb them—the Hollows. Looking at the mountainside, I remembered the Hollows on the other side of the river and wondered if I’d be allowed to go to the lookout on my own.

Only one way to find out.

No one stopped me as I walked out of Gold House. It was late afternoon by now, but the streets were as full as ever of people talking, watching playacting, and playing or listening to music. The food vendors were out as well, and I thought I smelled the manza corners Taio liked—why was I still thinking about him!—in one cart I passed. It wasn’t the old woman’s cart, but a younger man’s. I might have bought a pastry, but I didn’t have any Zulenii coins. Then it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen anyone using any sort of money. Was the economy solely based on trade and barter here? There was a good deal of that in Highcastle too, but people also earned wages for patrolling and other duties.

Again, one way to find out. I signaled to the man with the cart, and he looked behind him as though hoping I was gesturing to someone else. I approached him, and he slid to the opposite side of his cart. Clearly, he was afraid of me, but he smiled anyway. These Zulenii seemed compelled to smile.

“Food,” I said and pointed to the cart. “Eat.”

He nodded, opened the lid of the cart and handed me something wrapped in pale pink. I didn’t know how to talk about money in Zulenii and I didn’t really have anything to trade him. Apparently, he took my long silence as I tried to figure out how to ask if I owed him money as wanting more because he reached into the cart and gave me another pink-wrapped item. He nodded at me rapidly as though hoping that would satisfy me. I said thank you and went on my way, hoping I hadn’t just robbed him. These people were so very soft, but I found it almost endearing. I opened my pink cloth to reveal a pastry that resembled the manza corner. But when I bit into it, the fruit inside was different.

I got lost looking for the air boat platform, which wasn’t like me at all. Then I tried to ask the way but most of the people I asked smiled at me and then hurried in the opposite direction. Finally, I stumbled upon the platform and the operator who was sitting and strumming a guitara to pass the time. That was a good sign. If something had been happening with the Hollows, more soldiers would have been going up. I motioned for him to propel me up, and he nodded. If some order about restricting my movements had been given, this man didn’t know about it. I climbed in the air boat, and the operator began to crank the pulley system.

Once I was off the ground, I looked down at the city. The sun had begun to lower over the western mountains, and the city lights were just now flickering to life. Such a beautiful place, even if I found it heartbreaking. When we reached the platform, I gave the operator at the top my second pink-wrapped food parcel and surveyed the three soldiers standing on the platform. The men stared back at me with expressions somewhere between fear and curiosity. All except the one soldier I recognized—Kintle. Kintle brought his fist to his chest when he saw me then started over to meet me. I was thankful his understanding of my language was as bad as my grasp of his because I didn’t want another lecture about how I didn’t have any loyalty and how I had betrayed him and the others by not telling them about my father’s plan.

But Kintle didn’t say anything. He motioned for me to follow him to the edge of the platform. He must have known I wanted to lay eyes on the Hollows, to know how close to danger we were, to see the threat with my own eyes. We stood together, watching the swaying mass of monsters as darkness fell and they began to grow more active. Most moved purposelessly, but a few approached the river with obvious intention. Still, by the time it was full dark, no Hollows had yet attempted to cross the river. I sometimes had the impression they were looking at us on the mountain and doing something akin to plotting how they might reach us. Were they making progress on a group plan? Would they suddenly attempt it as we all slept, and we’d wake up tomorrow to see Hollows scaling the mountainside?

“Bed. Sleep,” Kintle said to me when the stars were out, and the city below had gone silent. Three other soldiers had arrived while I’d been here. Kintle must have stayed beyond his shift.

“You go,” I said slowly and with gestures. I’d begun to appreciate hand gestures. “I want to stay.”

“This place bed?” Kintle asked.

I nodded. I didn’t want to spend another night in my big, empty chamber, wondering what Taio was doing in the chamber next door or remembering how he’d touched me my first morning in my bed. “You go,” I said again in my language and then repeated it in his. He nodded then went to a supply chest, opened it, and returned with a blanket and a flask of water.

“Thank you,” I said. The nights were growing cold, especially up this high.

With a nod, Kintle left, and while the other soldiers spoke quietly amongst themselves and did regular checks of the perimeter, I stood at the edge of the platform and watched the Hollows until the sky began to grow gray. When I was so tired I knew I would fall asleep without tears or time to think, I lay down away from the edge of the platform, rolled myself in the blanket, and slept.

* * *

BIRDSONG WOKE ME—THAT and the smell of a hot beverage. I pushed the blanket off my face, blinking in the morning light and sniffing at the mug that had been placed beside me. Yung crouched beside it and smiled at me. “Thirsty?” he asked.

I nodded and took the warm mug in my icy hands. I suspected Kintle had told Yung I was here and sent him to check on me, but perhaps Yung had an early shift. I wondered if he would give me a lecture about fealty, but he offered me a piece of bread then went to the overlook. “All quiet,” he said.

“Good.” I rose, stretching my aching muscles. One night in a bed, and I’d forgotten what it was like to sleep on the ground. “I had better go down and get to work.”

Yung summoned the air boat, and we went down together. At the bottom, I took advantage of a small room where I could wash my face and relieve myself. I braided my hair, leaving it trailing down my back then emerged to see Yung still waiting for me.

“Are you my guard?” I asked.

“Not know word guard,” he said.

I waved a hand. “No matter.” I was grateful for his presence since it meant I wouldn’t get lost on the way back to Gold House. But as we approached, I heard the clang of metal hitting metal and gave Yung a worried look.

“Train,” he said, putting a hand on my arm. “No battle.”

I released my pent-up breath. He must have taken me back on a path that passed by the training fields. This made sense as the library was near the field, and that was where I wanted to go. Except I would have much rather gone in the main door of Gold House because then I wouldn’t have had to see Taio. But if I had to see him, I wouldn’t let him know it hurt or that I was afraid to face him. “Show me,” I said to Yung.

Yung gave me a dubious look, but when I looked back at him with a challenge in my eyes, he shrugged and changed direction, arrowing for the field. Leed saw us coming and gestured for me to stand beside him as the two women in the center of the field continued sparring. One was the woman Taio had been fighting yesterday. Across the field, Taio also watched. It was too late for me to retreat now, so I tried not to look at him.

“What do you think?” Leed asked after I’d watched the women sparring for a moment.

“They had better continue to practice,” I said.

Leed chuckled. “For Zulenii, they are very good. But they do still have much to learn.”

The match finished, and everyone looked at Leed. Except Taio. He watched me with his arms crossed over his, thankfully, clothed chest. “If I were a few years younger,” Leed said, “I would challenge you to a match, Lady Mara. We would show them a thing or two.”

I didn’t think I was up to sparring this morning and said nothing. Omira cleared her throat. “I’ll fight her,” she said in Earslehen, though her intent was clear no matter the language.

I clenched my hands into fists. If Omira stood across from me on the field, she would fight in truth. I knew I could beat her, and as emotionally hurt as I was, I didn’t want to take my pain out on her and injure her. “Leed needs you with both arms and legs intact,” I told Omira. “I decline your invitation.”

Declining an invitation was a great insult in Earsleh but given that Leed just shot a sideways look at me, the Zulenii were not so offended.

“I will fight her,” Taio said. “That is, if she is not too afraid to decline my invitation.”

He spoke in my language, so the Zulenii looked at Leed to translate. Leed merely stared at Taio and then at me, and I heard Omira translating.

“Lady Mara needs to begin her work for the day,” Leed said gesturing to the library. He was giving me a way to decline without actually declining. “Mayhap another time we might see a match between you and Lady Mara.”

“I won’t keep her from her work,” Taio said. “This won’t take long.”

I let out a bitter laugh. So it was like that, was it? He’d beaten me once, but now that I knew how he fought, he wouldn’t beat me again. “Let’s go,” I said and unbuckled my belt. The hammer thudded on the ground beside me, and I made a show of rolling my neck and shoulders. Taio’s gaze never left mine as he stood opposite me. He gave me an icy smile then began unfastening his coat. I felt my own smile fade. He was distracting enough with his clothes on. He dropped his coat on the ground and moved into the center of the field. I pressed my lips together and decided two could play at this game. I grasped the bottom of my tunic and peeled it over my head. Underneath, I wore a white fitted sleeveless undergarment. It molded to my breasts and left little to the imagination. I dropped it to the ground and moved into the rough dirt ring carved into the grass by the feet of so many warriors.

Taio’s gaze dropped to my chest but only for an instant before he forced it back to my face. It was enough to let me know he was affected by the sight of my body but determined not to give in to what I was sure was unwanted lingering attraction. I felt my skin tighten and my belly drop at even this small acknowledgement of me. I was such a dusthead. He hated me now. When would I accept that?

We began to circle each other, and Leed called out some rules I did not listen to. Taio wasn’t listening either. Now that we were in the center of the field, it was just like it had been that day in the arena. No one else existed. There was only the two of us. And no matter what Leed said, this was no practice match.

I struck first and hard. My foot connected with the side of his abdomen. He didn’t even flinch, and he didn’t strike back. I kicked again, dancing back quickly, expecting him to make a move this time. He stood his ground, and though I saw a red mark forming on his skin, he seemed impervious to my attack. Would he just allow me to beat him? I doubted it. He’d strike when I least expected it. I feigned a kick and instead punched out with my right hand. Taio reacted this time, rearing back so my fist just missed his face. He came up and struck out with his left. I ducked. Then his right. I ducked again and swung around behind him. Before he could counter the momentum of his punch at me, I kicked him in the back. He stepped forward, almost losing his balance.

Taio rounded on me with fury in his blue-green eyes. I took two steps back, and we circled each other again. He looked like he wanted to kill me, and I liked him looking at me like that. I didn’t want to see the sadness and hurt in his face. I didn’t want to see the betrayal. I wanted anger and hatred. Nothing soft. Nothing that would remind me of what we’d had.

He punched out again, and I danced away, but he clipped me on the shoulder. A bloom of pain followed, but I would have been on the ground if he’d hit as hard as he was capable of. “Is that all you got?” I taunted him. I didn’t want him pulling punches. I wanted him to hit me hard and hurt my body so I could stop feeling that pain in my chest where my heart was centered.

He punched out again predictably, and I swerved, caught his wrist and jerked his arm behind his back. I wrenched it hard, but he was too big. He turned into me, knocked me off balance, and was free. I knew I didn’t have time to regain my equilibrium, so I charged him, head down, and plowed into his belly. It was as hard as a rock, and pain exploded in my head. I ignored it as I pushed forward. Taio skidded backward but stayed on his feet. I reversed, and issued another kick, this time aiming for his face.

He caught my foot, jerked it up, and though I tried to turn the momentum into a back flip, I couldn’t get my feet over in time and landed hard on my back. For a moment the bubble we were in burst, and I heard the other warriors screaming our names. Leed was yelling, “Cease!” in Earslehen and Zulenii.

I shook my head and scrambled to my feet just as Taio’s shadow came over me. I needed a moment and took a step back then another. Taio should have taken his chance then but he had too much honor to attack when I wasn’t at my best. I wiped a piece of hair that had come loose out of my eyes and saw him watching me, advancing slowly. His eyes were so lovely under his dark brows. His expression was intent, his soft lips pressed together. Perspiration dotted his neck, his shoulders, made his tattoo glisten. My belly clenched again. I wanted him to look at me like this in private. I wanted him to part those lips, take me in his arms, tell me he still wanted me as much as I wanted him.

I clenched my fists and forced those thoughts away. They were dangerous to me now. Taio was the enemy. I glanced behind me and saw we were closing in on the wall to the garden. Another few feet, and I’d be trapped. He knew it too and continued advancing. I had to get around him, but if I darted left or right, he’d catch me. Instead, I attacked straight on, jabbing at him with my right. I connected with his jaw, but his head didn’t snap back as I’d hoped. He stood his ground and when I jabbed again, he caught my wrist, whirled me around, and twisted my arm behind my back.

I cried out more from frustration than pain, and he shoved me forward and into the stone wall. I struggled wildly to free my arm, managing to make him wrench it higher and increase the pain. Maybe he’d break it, and I’d pass out. Then this would all be over. Instead, my cheek slammed against the rough stone, and he grabbed me around my torso, capturing my other arm and pinning it to my side. I continued to struggle even as his knee kicked my legs apart and he pushed me hard against the wall. My head was turned to one side, and he lowered his lips to my ear.

“You lose. Again.”

“I hope you’re eaten by Hollows.”

“Not likely. You gave Leed’s soldiers a good exhibition.”

I tried to squirm free. His breath was tickling me, and my breath was coming faster, my body reacting to his heat and closeness. “Let me go,” I said, even though every part of me was screaming for him to pull me closer.

“Come back tomorrow. I will show them another way to beat you.”

“Oh, now you want me for something.”

He blew out a breath of air. “I wish I did not still want you.”

Before I could ask what he meant, he released me. Suddenly free, I almost crumpled to the ground. At the last instant, I shoved a shoulder against the garden wall and steadied myself. I turned and leaned against it, watching Taio walk away. Leed was coming toward me, and he said something that made Taio lower his head as he passed. Then Leed was beside me, offering his hand. I swatted it away and started for Gold House. I’d wash and change then lock myself in the library for the rest of the day.

Leed followed me inside and up the wide staircase. I glanced at him over my shoulder. “Don’t you have soldiers to train?”

“You and I need to talk,” he said.

I crossed my arms. “I’m listening.”

“In private.”

I made my way to my chamber, holding the door so Leed might follow me in. He took a moment to look about, seeming to take it all in. I began to take my hair down. “Say what you need to. I have a scroll to decipher so I can go home.”

“If you really intend to go back to Highcastle, you are a fool. I didn’t take you for a fool.”

“I’m not staying here. Everyone here either fears me or hates me.”

“Oh, poor girl.” Leed pulled a face. “One obstacle and you give up and run back home.”

“One obstacle? I’m the reason an army is coming to destroy this place!”

“I thought you were an Earslehen. We don’t run; we fight.”

“I thought you were Earslehen. We stand together, but you’re with them now.”

Leed gave me a long look then shook his head. He suddenly looked tired, and he walked to the couch and sat. I stood behind the chair, just wishing he would go.

“Do you think it was easy for me when I first arrived?”

I shrugged.

“I didn’t speak a word of the language. I didn’t know anything about the people. You think they are frightened of you? They were terrified of me. But they took me in. They accepted me—not right away. It took years for me to belong, to be trusted, to be listened to. I’ve built a life for myself here, and I care about these people. That is why I started training soldiers to fight the Hollows. It’s why I worked for a decade to prepare Taio for the Claiming Rite. I knew the only way to be truly safe was to cure the red vein virus.”

He folded his hands and seemed to be staring at nothing, but I imagined he was remembering when he’d first arrived.

“Perhaps everything has been too easy for you,” he said finally.

“Easy? I lost everything coming here.”

He cut his gaze to me. “How lost can it be if you can return? I knew once I fled I could never go back. Not everyone in Earsleh lives the life of a princess. Put one step wrong or anger the king, and you find yourself on the Barrier. Do you know how many times I was sent to the Barrier?”

I felt a shiver run down my back. “No. Everyone is to do one tour a year, but I’ll admit most of the royal children are exempted.”

“And how many people do you know who have been more than once a year?”

“I agree that the system has flaws—”

“One year I was sent four times. Another year I was sent seven.”

I swallowed. This was unheard of.

“I was from a poor family. I had no status and no connections. My brother died at the Barrier—at least I hope he died. I hope he isn’t one of those monsters out there, but I’ll never know.”

I took a seat on the chair. “I’m so sorry.”

“So am I. After his death, our patrol leader had a bit too much wine. Lachan, my brother, was the third cadet he’d lost that week. The patrol leader was an old soldier, too old to be on the Barrier, and he’d been a soldier before the virus. He told me how the king had unleashed it against Tolodev. But he hadn’t known how to control it, and the soldiers affected didn’t only attack the enemy, they attacked their own. The virus spread so rapidly that it had run rampant before the king could determine how to control it. He’d immediately returned to Highcastle to manufacture the cure in mass quantities. In the meantime, there was a new threat to Earsleh, and the king imposed new restrictions and claimed more powers under the guise of keeping everyone safe. He liked that power, though. Somehow the cure was never dispersed. After all, why create a cure when the disease gave the king ultimate control?”

“Why did you believe the patrol leader?” I asked.

“I didn’t, at first. Over time, I asked other older leaders—grizzled old men who hated the king for turning their lives into a never-ending battle at the front lines. They confirmed what I’d been told. In fact, I’d argue they were on the Barrier because of what they knew. The king wanted them dead, or at the very least far away from court. And then your grandfather died.”

I did not want to hear what Leed would say next. I’d never known my grandfather. I could pretend this had happened in another time and place.

“Some of us went to your father soon after he assumed the throne. We told him what we knew. We begged him to end the virus. He said he would. Instead, the men and women who had appealed to him began to mysteriously die. One fell from a high tower. One ate poisoned fruit. I knew they would come for me, so I sneaked into the historian’s library. The historian then was Ceba.”

“He’s still the historian. He’s still alive.”

“I hope he lives even longer. That way if you do go back, you can ask him of the truth of my words. I told Ceba I knew about the cure, and before they killed me, I wanted to see it. Ceba told me he would show me but only if I took a copy and promised to flee Earsleh and do all in my power to make the cure and save the world. I vowed I would. He gave me a scroll with the cure on it and showed me a secret passage out of Highcastle’s walls. It took me months of wandering in the mountains and forests before I found Zleyval. That was thirty-eight years ago, and not a day has passed that I didn’t think of my promise to Ceba.”

I put a hand on his arm. “You know I will do anything in my power to help you honor that promise. I want a cure too.”

“But you are still determined to return to Earsleh? Even after all I have told you about the evil there?”

“Not everyone is evil.”

He stood and paced away from me. “Those in power will never give it up, Mara. Not now that they’ve had the taste. You have been given a chance to start over, and you’re throwing it away with both hands.”

“You don’t understand. Taio hates me. I don’t want to be here if he doesn’t...want me anymore.”

Leed rounded on me. “You dusthead. Taio doesn’t hate you. He’s angry. He feels betrayed. Give him time.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t see his face when I told him about the army. You didn’t hear what he said.” Even now my belly knotted when I remembered his cold eyes. I could not survive if I spent all my time hoping Taio would want me again. He didn’t want me. He’d made that clear. I had to continue to see him as the enemy for my own survival. Leed seemed to consider what I’d said for a moment before coming to crouch before me.

“Even if he did hate you, that’s no excuse for behaving recklessly. Think before you act, Mara.”

The words were an echo of my entire childhood. How many times had I been told I was too impulsive?

“If you are correct, Mara, and Taio’s feelings for you have soured for good, then you can always go home. But why not at least consider staying? Think about what life would be like if you lived it here.”

“What life? My father is coming to destroy this place.”

“Then meet him halfway and persuade him to turn back.”

“You don’t know my father if you think he’ll be persuaded by anything I say.”

Leed nodded, obviously not dissuaded. “What about something you do? What if you show him the cure? He might not want to turn back, but what choice will he have when you offer his soldiers and their families salvation from the hordes of Hollows at the Barrier? Find the cure. End the planned assault on Zleyval and then you have a real choice—stay here or go back. I hope you will decide to stay.”

I nodded. “If I’m to find that cure, I should get started.”

“I’ll leave you.”

When he was gone, I closed my eyes. I had more incentive than ever to find the cure, but I also knew after I did, I could never stay here.