Chapter 33 - The Future She Left Behind

“Do you want to grab a bite to eat to celebrate your first-place ribbon?” Jackson stopped the pickup at a red light in downtown Pecos.

Katelyn had been floored when the panel of judges presented her with a Best-of-Show ribbon for the painting of Mendoza Auto. “Since my mother hauled my artwork home in her car, we can do anything you want tonight.” When Jackson didn’t crack a smile at her suggestive comment, she suspected there was something other than celebrating on his mind.

“Let’s stop at Sonic and get our food to go,” she said. “We can eat by the tracks.” The one place she and Jackson had always been able to talk freely.

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She was tired, but her fatigue had nothing to do with standing on her feet all day—she’d grown accustomed to that working at the Buy & Bag. Her weariness was the result of the anxiety that had been steadily building inside her as she’d prepared for the art show. Not knowing how her work would be received had tied her stomach in knots, but when the judges had placed the ribbon on her painting, the ball of stress had unraveled, leaving her with a peaceful, hopeful feeling.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, she said, “Why do you think they picked the Mendoza Auto over my other pieces?”

His gaze swung to her mouth. “The sexy mechanic in the sketch swayed them.”

Katelyn laughed. “I bet you’re right.”

They stopped at the fast-food restaurant and ordered foot-long chili-cheese dogs, French fries and sodas, then left the town of Pecos. When they approached the outskirts of Little Springs, Jackson took a different route along a farm-to-market road, then drove half a mile before veering onto a dirt path and stopping.

“Whose property is this?”

“It’s the south side of O’Malley’s land. The house has been vacant for years. After O’Malley passed away, his kids tried to sell the place, but the bank ended up with it.”

“With Catfish Bay close by, I’m surprised a developer hasn’t bought the land and turned it into an RV park.”

“It’s too close to the tracks.”

“I wouldn’t mind hearing a whistle or feeling the ground shake every day.” The noise had always reminded her that there was a big world outside Little Springs waiting to be explored.

When they got out of the pickup, Jackson lowered the tailgate. Before Katelyn had a chance to climb up and sit, he hoisted her into the air and set her on the edge. “You’re still a lightweight.”

“I’m twelve pounds heavier than I was in high school. I think you’ve got bigger muscles, that’s all.” She divvied up the food.

“The sky’s clear. We should see the stars tonight,” he said.

“We spent a lot of time down by the tracks before I left for college, but we weren’t stargazing.”

“I was too busy trying to get into your panties to care about watching the sky.”

She smiled. “Your eyes were my downfall.”

“What do you mean?”

Katelyn popped a fry into her mouth. “For a guy who doesn’t care to discuss his feelings, your eyes do a lot of talking.”

“You do a lot of talking with your mouth, and I don’t make fun of you.”

She caressed his cheek. “You never pushed me into having sex. You always let me set the pace.”

“You were worth the wait.”

“It took you thirteen seconds to answer me when I said I was ready.” She laughed. “I thought you’d gotten cold feet.”

“I wanted it to be good for you.” He crushed his food wrapper into a ball.

“We never spoke about it, but was I your first?” she asked.

“No.”

After all these years, a marriage and two kids, Katelyn still felt a tiny prick of jealousy. “Who was she?”

“I only knew her first name. Annette was at a house party I went to in Midland. We made out in one of the bedrooms. Never saw her again after that night.”

“I’m glad you were my first.” She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed when his fingers toyed with the ends of her hair. Don had rarely touched Katelyn’s hair—not even when they’d made love. “I can’t believe how fast this summer has gone by,” she said.

“You didn’t get here until the middle of June.”

“Jackson.”

“What?”

“I admire you for checking up on your mother. It can’t be easy.”

“It takes too much energy to hold a grudge.”

“I wish I hadn’t sent you a breakup letter.”

After Katelyn had told Jackson she’d accepted the art scholarship from the University of Missouri, she’d felt him pull away from her—not physically, but emotionally. Maybe he’d known all along, despite her protests and assurances, that when she left town, she’d never return.

He pushed off the tailgate, paced several yards away, then faced Katelyn. “I wanted you to pursue your dream,” he said, “but at the same time, I wanted you to want me more.” He’d almost driven to Missouri and begged her to give up her scholarship and return home with him.

As if she stood in a real-life painting, the sun sank behind the horizon, leaving her swathed in a purplish glow.

“I didn’t break up with you face-to-face,” Katelyn said, “because I knew you would change my mind.”

“Would you stay now if I asked you to?” Jackson watched her struggle with the question, mesmerized by the way her eyebrows moved across her forehead. He’d been drawn to Katelyn because she hadn’t tried to conceal her feelings from him. She’d always given her emotions free rein and had never worried about the consequences. But a lot of years had passed them by, and she wasn’t the same girl he’d dated in high school. The decisions she made about her future would impact not only her but also her children.

“I’ve finally started sketching again, and if I’m going to give myself a chance to see where my art can take me, then I need to be in the right place.”

“You had offers to buy your paintings today.” He closed the distance between them, stopping in front of her. “We don’t have to rush into anything. We can take it slow.”

Katelyn’s face twisted in pain. “You don’t get it.”

“Help me understand.”

“I’ve had to face some hard truths with my divorce.”

“Like what?”

“That my marriage was supposed to feed my creativity, and instead it stole my confidence and nurtured self-doubt.”

“Do you still have feelings for Don?”

“No,” she said with conviction.

“Are you afraid I’ll start drinking if things don’t work out between us?”

She dropped her gaze. “The thought has crossed my mind.”

“I was drinking before you left for college, and I would have continued drinking even if we’d stayed together.” He inched closer. “I’d like to believe that if our relationship hadn’t ended, I’d have eventually given up booze, but I doubt that would have happened.”

“Vern seems to believe differently. He warned me away from you.”

Jackson grasped her arms and waited until Katelyn looked him in the eye. “I am the only one who has control over my drinking. It’s taken years for me to admit the truth, but I’ve accepted responsibility for the path I chose in life and I’m at peace with that.”

“I want to believe you, Jackson.”

“I’m not asking for any promises. I’m not asking you to marry me or even for us to move in together. I’m asking you to think about staying in Little Springs and seeing if what we have together is better than what we have alone.”

She played with the collar of his T-shirt. “You’ve helped me reconnect with my creative side, but I’m terrified that if things go south between us, I’ll lose that burning desire to sketch again.”

“You can’t lose what’s been inside of you your whole life, Katelyn. Maybe I helped bring it out. Maybe being back in this town, reconnecting with your mother, working at the grocery store or spending time at the train tracks has helped you recapture your yearning to draw, but don’t believe for a minute that I, this town or anyone else has the power to rob you of your passion.”

“What if there’s another place that inspires me to do better work? How will I know if I don’t search for it?”

Jackson’s stomach bottomed out. His gut told him that Katelyn wasn’t worried as much about finding that perfect place to nurture her creativity as she was about trusting him.

Ignoring the stinging pain of his chest splitting wide open, he cupped her cheek and said, “What I want most is for you to be happy, so go search for that perfect place.” He pressed a gentle kiss on her mouth, then took her hand. “C’mon. I’ll take you home.”

The drive into Little Springs was the longest four minutes of Jackson’s life.

* * *

“Good morning,” Walter said when Katelyn walked into the employee lounge Monday morning.

“Am I late?” She stowed her purse in the locker and slipped on her smock.

“No, I wanted to congratulate you on winning Best in Show at the art festival.”

“Thank you.”

Walter frowned. “You don’t seem too happy about it.”

“I didn’t get much rest last night.” Her sleep had been disturbed by dreams of riding a train traveling too fast for her to jump off.

“At least one of my workers is in a good mood today,” he said.

Kim wasn’t scheduled to come in until this afternoon, so he must be talking about Layla. “What’s going on?”

“Layla hasn’t stopped smiling since she clocked in an hour ago.”

When Walter stared expectantly, Katelyn asked, “Did she say why she’s happy?”

Walter beamed. “I told her I’d work around her schedule if she went back to school this fall so she didn’t have to look for a new job.”

“That was nice of you.”

“Speaking of schedules . . . when’s your last day?” he asked.

“Mom and I planned to leave next Thursday or Friday.”

“With Birdie going to part-time, I may have to hire another employee.” He rubbed a hand down his face. “What about you?”

“What about me what?” she asked.

“Are you coming back to Little Springs after you help your daughter get settled in college, or are you staying in St. Louis?”

“I haven’t decided.”

“If you do return, you’re welcome to work here as often or as little as you want.”

“I appreciate the offer.”

“I’m stocking shelves today,” Walter said.

She followed the boss to the front of the store, but before Katelyn and Layla had a chance to speak, Ginny wheeled her cart up to the register.

“I ran out of flour and sugar this morning while I was making pies.” Ginny stacked the baking supplies on the counter. “I’m stocking up, since it’s on sale this week.”

“Did you leave any on the shelf?” Katelyn laughed.

“Nope. I cleaned you out.”

“I’ll let Walter know.” Layla went to search for the boss.

“Any chance they’ll build a Costco around here in the future? That’s the place to buy in bulk,” Katelyn said.

“By the time they do, I’ll be too old to drive.”

“Walter appreciates your business, Ginny.” Katelyn glanced over her shoulder when she heard the front doors open. Brian entered with his dolly and Layla met him at the door. He followed her to the cigarette case, where they chatted while she stocked the smokes.

“What’s going on between those two?” Ginny inserted her credit card into the payment machine.

“They’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend,” Katelyn said. Walter approached the register and she said, “Would you help Ginny load her bags into her car?”

“Sure.” Walter pushed the cart toward the exit, and Katelyn heard Ginny say, “You’re helping me because you want a free pie.”

Walter chuckled. “Am I that transparent?”

Katelyn averted her gaze when Brian leaned in and kissed Layla. Once he’d wheeled his cart away and disappeared down the aisle, Layla approached the register. “Did Walter tell you that he’s working around my school schedule?”

“He did.”

“He asked me if I knew your plans for the future.”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Did Jackson ask you to stay?”

“Yes.”

Layla’s eyes widened.

“We’re taking it one day at a time like you and Brian.”

“But how can you do that if he’s here and you’re in Missouri?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Katelyn winced when Layla took a step back. “I’m sorry. It’s that I don’t like thinking about the future. It makes me anxious.”

“Boy, do I get that.” Layla lowered her voice. “I’m worried I’ll screw this up with Brian.”

“How so?”

“He’s such a responsible guy, and he treats Gavin like a son.”

“And you’re concerned because . . . ?”

“What if I grow bored with our relationship?”

Katelyn could never imagine herself growing weary of being with Jackson. “What if you don’t?”

“I keep telling myself that if things don’t work out, at least I gave it a try.” Layla shrugged. “All these years I had my sights set on finding a wealthy guy so I could live on easy street, and I end up falling for a deliveryman.”

“Sometimes what we think we want isn’t what’s best for us.”

“I thought about your situation,” Layla said. “You married for money and look how things turned out.” Her tone softened. “You lived in a big, beautiful house. Traveled all over the world. Never had to worry about how to pay the bills, and your kids had the best of everything, but your marriage didn’t last.”

“No, it didn’t.”

“After I began dating Brian, I told myself to live in the moment and that the future would take care of itself, but you know what?”

“What?”

“I realized there’s more good in life than bad and it took Brian to make me see that.” She smiled. “I’m a better person when I’m with him.”

Jackson’s face flashed before Katelyn’s eyes. He’d supported her dreams and encouraged her to chase after them. He’d always believed in her. It was Katelyn who’d lost faith in herself.