Chapter 15: KYENNA - A Street King's Widow

A month later…

The house had never been so quiet. Not even the day Rah died. Silence had become so familiar to me over the last few months, but today felt different. Today wasn’t just another lonely day. It was the day I was supposed to be waking up beside my husband, pretending to be surprised by whatever gift he had hidden from me while he swore he wasn’t buying me shit this year. Instead, I woke up to an empty side of the bed. I rolled over and stared at the indentation that no longer existed. Strange how our expensive mattress had adjusted to just me sleeping alone. I reached over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

I had six missed calls and three text messages. One from Grif, my daddy, and my mother-in-law. Lloyd had called me six times, but I wasn’t in the mood. He had become a good distraction from the grief, but today belonged to me and Rah. I was sure Grif and Royal Flush could survive a day without me. That was my reason for hiring more managers that were on the same time I was on. I turned the phone over and laid it back on the nightstand. Today just wasn’t one of the days that I felt like being a boss, let alone human.

I slowly climbed out of bed and went into my bathroom. After using the bathroom and washing my hands, all I could do was look at myself in the mirror. I ran my hands across my face as I turned on the shower. Usually, when I was in a funk, I couldn’t wash my ass, let alone brush my teeth. I didn’t want to do that today. It was my anniversary, and I wanted to act like Rah was still here. After my shower, I did my skincare and fixed my hair. I then went to my closet and put on something cute and sprayed some perfume on. All this time, I kept his closet closed, but today I walked over to it, opened it and, stepped inside. My fingers brushed across one of his suits. I buried my face in it and closed my eyes. The smell was almost gone. That shit hurt more than I was prepared for.

“Happy Anniversary, baby,” I whispered into the suit.

My voice cracked before I could finish the sentence. I closed the closet and stood there with my back to the door, slowly breathing and trying not to break down. I walked downstairs thinking I was going to drink some coffee or put something on my stomach, but my appetite was gone. I walked into our family room and started pulling out all my cards from previous anniversaries. I sat there for hours going through cards. Then I walked to his office and just sat there.

“I can’t believe this is how you left me. How the fuck am I supposed to move on?” I questioned out loud.

I looked on his bookshelf, and there was a box with a bow on it. Curiosity got the best of me, so I got up to see what it was, and it had my name on it. I opened the box to see a big ass diamond ring. It was a carat for every year we had been married. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I slipped the old ring off and put the new one on. My phone went off in my pocket.

Daddy: I’ve called you all morning. I know today is hard for you and I need to hear your voice to know you are okay. Call me or send a nigga an emoji.

I hearted the message hoping my daddy would leave me alone.

Daddy: Do I need to come by

I gave him a thumbs down.

Daddy: Regardless I’m coming tomorrow. Take today baby girl. Happy Anniversary

I put the phone back in my pocket and picked up my old ring to go and put it in my jewelry box.

Before I knew it, hours had gone by. The house was dark, and I was two wine bottles in as I sat on the floor in our dining room with nothing on but the small light coming from the floor. I had ignored everyone who had come to the door today. I let security know not to let anyone in. I didn’t want anyone seeing me like this. Since taking over Flush months ago, I had taken on another aura, and right now, I was weak. Pops had stopped by. My mother-in-law had stopped by with food that was still sitting on my porch. Jaharee had stopped trying to get me out of the house for a girls’ day. I wasn’t feeling any of it. The doorbell went off for the fourth time today. I ignored it, hoping that security would turn whoever it was away. Then my phone started ringing. Then a text. I never budged. I just took a swig of my warm wine.

For hours I sat in this spot replaying my marriage. What I could’ve done differently and how things would be today. The beating at the door startled me, but it was not enough for me to want to get up and see who it was. Pops paid good money for my security. I’m sure eventually they would get tired of me ignoring them. To my surprise, my front door opened. Still, I didn’t move. Security was the only one with the code.

“I thought I told y’all muthafuckas I didn’t want company today!” I yelled.

It was silence, but I could hear the footsteps. Rah would be so mad at me because I didn’t reach for my gun. If it was my time, then fuck it. I would be back with my man.

“Kyenna!”

I rolled my eyes as soon as I heard Shameek’s voice.

“Meek, I’m not in the mood.”

He flipped the light on, and my eyes started burning.

“You got everybody worried. My mama losin’ her shit, bruh.”

“I’m fine. Just needed the day to myself.”

“They said you ain’t answerin’ yo’ phone.”

“I’m not.” I shrugged, pouring another glass of wine.

“Meek, one day. Just one day, okay. I don’t want to be nobody’s boss, daughter, nothing. Today, I just want to be Rah’s fucking wife.”

Shameek didn’t say anything. He just came and took a seat next to me on the floor. The silence was loud between us.

“I’m angry, Meek. It’s like y’all going on with y’all lives and not trying to find out who done the shit. Meanwhile, I’ve thrown myself into Royal Flush just so I won’t be in this lonely ass house. Your parents keep telling me this shit gets easier, but it has not gotten easier. When birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries come. Then what?”

Shameek just sat there not saying anything.

“It’s been months, and I still reach over, thinking his ass came home late. I still have the chef cook like I’m feeding my man, and it’s just me. I sit up at night waiting for him to walk through the door, and it never happens. Why did they do this? All y’all tell me is you’re working on finding out who done it. I’m so fucking tired of hearing that.”

“Kyenna, you are not alone. I really am tryin’. This shit was an inside job, and niggas lips are sealed. If you don’t think I want revenge for my brother, you don’t kno’ me that well.”

“Meek, I can’t do another anniversary without him. What am I supposed to do when his birthday comes, or mine? And the kids. What am I supposed to do? I’m alone in this shit.”

“That’s why we’re here. My family has never left you out of anything. You’ll forever be a part of us. You vowed to Rah, and we’re vowed to you.”

Shameek pulled me in and let me cry. This was the first time that I had been vulnerable since that day. I hated anyone seeing me like this. After I had soaked his shirt, I felt bad.

“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping my face. “Let me get you one of Rah’s shirts. I don’t want Nikki thinking you were out cheating.”

“Nah, it’s cool. She’s not stayin’ over tonight.”

“Well, still let me go grab you a shirt. Hold on,” I said, getting up.

I went upstairs and went through Rah’s drawer where he kept his plain white and black tees. If I hadn’t been around the Kings for so many years, I would’ve questioned why they spent so much damn money on expensive T-shirts when they could get them cheaper.

“Here you go.” I handed Shameek the black shirt.

Shameek took off the white shirt he had on and switched into the black one. I turned my head because for a split second my mind played the cruelest trick on me. Shameek looked too much like Rah. The only difference was Shameek had locs that he loved to keep in twists or up in a bun.

“You kno’ you don’t have to suffer alone,” Shameek said as he handed me the white shirt.

Our hands stayed connected longer than they should have.

“Yeah,” I said, looking at the ground.

Shameek raised my chin. “My sister tried to spend time with you today. My mama came by to eat with you. My Pops stopped by to drop off gifts for you. And then I had to put a gun to yo’ security to put the fuckin’ code in, so I could get in this bitch. We care ‘bout you, Kyenna. We love you. You don’t have to hide your vulnerable side from us. We fucked up ‘bout it too. That’s why we lean on each other.”

I finally looked at him. All I could see was Rah, though. One tear rolled down the corner of my eye. Shameek wiped it, and I grabbed his hand to stop him. We just stared at each other.

“I better get out of here,” he said, breaking the stare.

I tiptoed and kissed him. As soon as our lips connected, I sobered up.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Meek.”

“What the fuck?” he asked in shock.

The way he backed away from me, you would think I was a disease.

“Ky…” He ran both hands over his face.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” I begged.

Shameek took another step backwards.

“I’m sorry.”

“You need to get some sleep. We’ll talk later,” he said, walking off.

I heard the door open and close, and the guilt hit hard as fuck. The room started spinning. I grabbed the edge of the table before everything hit me at once.

“Oh, God!” I barely made it to the kitchen sink before I started throwing up.

When it was over, I slid down the cabinet until I hit the floor. I scrubbed my lips with the back of my hand until my lips started burning.

“Girl, what the fuck did you just do?”