Chapter 35: SHAMEEK - A Street King's Widow

Three days had passed since I’d told Kyenna what happened to Nikki, and she had been moving funny ever since. She wasn’t acting scared. A woman like Kyenna didn’t scare easily. She still answered my calls and responded to my text messages. She hadn't told me to stay away from her, but I also hadn't been invited to her house since Nikki caught my ass coming out of there. Every time I tried to slide the conversation into seeing her, she found some reason she had shit to do. I understood it. Killing Nikki wasn’t something I expected Kyenna to hear and then ask what time I was coming over. Still, I hated the distance.

I was standing in the office of one of my warehouses, staring at my phone when another message came through from my tech guy. I was relieved when he said he couldn’t find any scheduled emails and that he would continue watching the account. That was the first good news I had gotten all morning. Nikki had searched too much shit for me to believe the folder was the end of it. That feeling had been fucking with my sleep more than her death. I hated admitting it. I missed Nikki. There were moments when my phone went off, and I expected to see her name. Moments when something happened and I knew exactly what smart-ass comment she would’ve made about it. Years didn’t disappear because I put a bullet in her. I just had to make sure guilt didn’t make me careless. My office door opened as I sat my phone down.

“Yo’ mama here,” one of my guys said.

“For what?”

“Man, she ain’t gon’ tell me shit. She just walked in askin’ where you were.”

“Walk her back here,” I told him.

I already knew this was about business. My mama didn’t come to my warehouses. She hated them. We tried to keep her ass as far away from the business as we could. Though there was some stuff she knew about, just in case anything happened. We still kept a lot from her. A few minutes later, she walked in my office carrying her purse with the same expression she used to have when I got suspended from school.

“What did I do?” I asked, leaning back in my chair.

“Why I have to come all the way down here to find my child?”

“Mama, you got my number. Why didn’t you call?”

“And your ass don’t answer.”

“I’ve been a lil’ busy.”

“So busy that you can’t give me a call back?”

I sighed. “Mama, what’s goin’ on that’s so important?”

“Nikki’s sister called.” She took a seat across from me.

I made sure to keep my face straight.

“What she want?”

“Nobody has heard from Nikki. She hasn’t been to work and her car ain’t home. Her family says she hasn’t called anybody. Now her sister is talking about filing a missing person report.”

“And what does this have to do with me? The last time I talked to her was last week, and she didn’t mention anything to me. She sounded fine.”

“Her sister also said that Nikki told her that you were cheating.”

I shifted in my seat. So, Nikki was running her fucking mouth.

“We talked ‘bout it. I wouldn’t say cheatin’ ‘cause we were never in a relationship.”

“Who were you cheating with, son? If you were sleeping with her and doing things like a couple would do, you can’t tell her you weren’t her man.”

“Who I was sleepin’ wit’ ain’t got nothin’ to do wit’ her ass bein’ missin’.”

“I mean if y’all had a disagreement before then it has a lot to do with it.”

“No, you’re bein’ nosy.”

“Shameek King.”

I smiled a little because I knew I was getting on her nerves.

“Mama, Nikki found some shit she didn’t like. We argued. She told me she was done fuckin’ wit’ me and needed her space. I left her ass alone, and that was that.”

The lie came too easy. My mama didn’t blink as she stared at me. I knew she was studying my ass.

“You loved that girl.”

“Still do,” I said.

“Then why you sitting here acting like you don’t give a damn that nobody can find her?”

I don’t know why her question got under my skin.

“I do give a damn. What is it y’all want me to do? You’ve always said do what a woman says. I gave her space.”

“You don’t look worried, son. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Mama, I’m not finna perform grief or worry for nobody. I told you what happened. Nikki was pissed. I cheated. She found out. We ended our situationship. You want me to ride around every highway in the country looking for a grown woman?”

“It would look like you care if you called the family.”

“You kno’ they don’t fuck wit’ me like that, Ma.”

“Can you blame them? You’ve been dragging that girl along for years in hopes you will marry her. What family will be okay with that?”

“I did Nikki wrong. I know that. I should’ve been honest wit’ her before things got to where it got. I kept draggin’ somethin’ out because we had history. That don’t mean I kno’ where she went.”

My mama silently sat there for a minute. Then she asked the question I wasn’t ready to answer.

“Was it Kyenna?”

My eyes went straight to hers.

“What?”

“The other woman. Was it Kyenna?”

“Mama, come on.”

“I asked you a question.”

“And I’m not answerin’ it.”

Her expression changed.

“So, it was.”

“Ma, I didn’t say yes.”

She sat up slowly. My mama knew her children too damn well. That was the problem with the family. We could lie to strangers all day. My mama knew where the lie sat on our face. Which is why we hated to look her in the face. She always said out of the three of us, I was the best liar. Now she had me sitting here like she could see straight through me.

“I’ve been watching you with her.”

“Here you go,” I said, shuffling the papers on my desk.

“Don’t, here you go, me. I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m telling you I know my son. You stay in that girl’s business more than you stay in mine. You know where she’s at, who she’s with, what time she left, and what security she has for the day. Rah was protective, but even his ass gave that woman room to breathe.”

“All I’m tryin’ to do is keep her safe.”

“I know–”

“Then what is the issue?”

“The issue is, protection don’t usually make a man look ready to kill somebody because they kissed a woman on the forehead. It also doesn’t get upset when a woman is trying to move on with her life.”

I looked up. I just knew Jaharee’s ass had been running her mouth to our mama.

“Can you please stop listenin’ to Jah.”

“She ain’t told me anything. I have eyes, too.”

“Can we not do this here?”

“Where you want to do it? Every time you come home to the house, you’re gone before anybody can finish a conversation.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“I see,” she said, standing.

My mama started walking towards the door before turning around.

“Whatever is happening with you and Kyenna, be careful.”

“Careful how?”

“For everyone involved. She loved your brother. You loved your brother. That doesn’t mean life stops because he died, but grief can make people attach themselves to things before they know if it’s love or survival.”

“This ain’t grief,” I told her.

“Then if you’re serious, act serious. Don’t play with that girl like you did with Nikki. Don’t have her looking stupid. Y’all can stop sneaking,” she said.

“I hear you.”

“And call Nikki’s sister. You not calling is making you look a little suspect.”

“I will.”

“Today, Shameek,” she said before opening the door and leaving.

All I could do was sit there. The family was noticing the shit between Kyenna and me. For months, I had been worried about Kyenna being the one scared of what everyone would think. I was the one making the shit obvious. My phone went off with Kyenna’s name.

Ky: You at work?

Me: Yeah

Ky: I need to talk to you later

I just stared at the message. It was the same feeling I had when Nikki’s ass would say that shit. With a woman, that could mean anything.

Me: Bout what?

She took long enough to respond that I almost called her ass.

Ky: Us

“Fuck!”

That was not what I wanted to see. I stood and grabbed my keys. On the drive home, I tried not to create ten different conversations in my head. Maybe Kyenna wanted out. That was possible. She had looked at me differently after I told her about Nikki. I knew she was being cautious. I didn’t blame her. If the roles were reversed and Kyenna told me she killed Lloyd after an argument, I would have questions too. Actually, I would’ve probably helped her hide the nigga body. The thought of losing Kyenna was about to drive me crazy. I had lost my brother and Nikki. I wasn’t about to keep watching muthafuckas leave my life and act like it didn’t affect me. I made it home and sent Kyenna a text.

Me: My place?

Ky: Yes. Around 6.

I looked at my watch, and that was four hours away. This shit was about to drive me crazy, waiting to see what she had to say. I had fallen in love with Kyenna, and she was about to look me in the face and tell me we were done before we could get started. The whole conversation had me more nervous than any gun I had ever had pointed at me. By six-fifteen, Kyenna still wasn’t there. I stood at my kitchen island checking the time like a bitch waiting on a prom date. I had showered, changed my clothes twice, and cleaned up shit that was already cleaned by the maid.

At six-thirty, the garage notification went off. I checked the cameras to see Kyenna dressed down, wearing jeans, a shirt, and slides. Her appearance made me uneasy. She only dressed like that around people she was comfortable with or when she didn’t give a fuck what they thought. I waited for her in the kitchen. She walked in and sat her purse on the counter. I walked around and pulled the barstool out for her to sit. I stayed standing for a minute before eventually sitting across from her. Kyenna didn’t rush to speak. She rested her hands together and looked at me like she was figuring out how to word whatever was on her mind. I hated the feeling in my stomach.

“Ky, just say it,” I told her.

“I’ve been thinking about Nikki.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t get defensive. I’m not here to judge you.”

“Shit, it feels like you been judgin’ me for days now.”

“No, I’ve been processing for the last few days. There is a difference, Meek. You told me you killed a woman you loved because an argument got out of hand. Whether you think it was justified or not, that changes how I look at certain things.”

“I figured that much.”

“And you already know you’ve been getting possessive with me. Lloyd can breathe in my direction, and you're ready to crash out. So yes, I had to sit with the fact that you killed Nikki and then asked me to trust that your jealousy with Lloyd is somehow different.”

I leaned forward. “Ky, I would never hurt you.”

“Did you tell Nikki that, too?”

I didn’t have shit to say immediately. I ran through my head whether I ever told Nikki that shit.

“What happened to her ain’t never happening to you.”

“You can’t promise that. Nobody knows what they are capable of until you're in the moment. You told me yourself you didn’t go over there planning to kill her”

I looked down at my hands. There was no convincing Kyenna otherwise.

“So, what are you sayin’, Ky?”

“I’m saying I need boundaries.”

“What boundaries?”

“You stop having security report every move I make to you. If there is an actual safety issue, fine. Otherwise, I should be able to leave my house without you knowing where I had dinner before I make it through my gate.”

I didn’t like any of the shit she was saying. She could tell by how I started pacing.

“I’m not finished,” she said.

“Go ‘head.”

“You stop interrogating me about Lloyd. If I decide to have dinner with that man, that is my choice. If he kisses me on the forehead, that is my choice. You do not own me.”

“I kno’ I don’t own you.”

“You behave like you do.”

I rubbed my beard. “And what exactly are we if I’m supposed to sit around smilin’ while another nigga pursues you?”

“That’s what I came here to ask you,” she said, looking me in the eyes.

Now we were getting somewhere.

“What are we, Meek?” she asked.

We sat in silence for a little minute. I knew what I wanted to be, but saying it out loud made the shit real.

“I want you,” I said.

“You’ve established that a while ago.”

“Nah, I want you. I don’t want this sneakin’ shit forever. I don’t want you datin’ Lloyd. I don’t want no other nigga touchin’ you. I want to be able to come to yo’ house without takin’ a fuckin’ golf cart and payin’ security to keep their mouths closed. I want to wake up beside you and not have to leave before the sun comes up.”

Kyenna’s expression softened, but she still didn’t rescue me from saying the rest.

“I love you. There I said it.”

“Damn,” she said. “This scares me.”

“I don’t want you scared of me.”

“I’m not scared you're going to kill me or beat me. That’s not what I mean. I’m scared of what this could become. I loved your brother with everything in me, Meek. Now I’m sitting in his brother’s house trying to figure out whether I’m falling in love again.”

“You said falling.” I smiled.

“Don’t ruin the moment,” she said.

I got up and moved around the island. I stopped in front of her but didn’t touch her.

“I’ll back off. Security does not have to report your every move, and I’ll stop bothering you every time Lloyd’s name comes up.”

“That second one sounded painful.”

“Shit, cause it is. You kno’ I don’t like that fuck nigga.”

“I’m not saying I like him more than you.”

“You like that muthafucka?”

“Shameek…”

“I’m askin’.”

“I don’t know yet.”

“And you want me to be cool wit’ you bein’ ‘round him when you got feelins’ growin’?”

“I need to see that you can actually respect what I asked instead of agreeing because you want me to stay. Then the family is another conversation.”

“Yeah, we gotta figure that out.”

“I don’t need your mama looking at me like I stole both of her sons.”

“Lorraine’s nosy ass already knows we’ve been fuckin’.”

“What!”

“She came to the warehouse today, interrogating me about this other woman.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I really didn’t tell her anything. I didn’t want to give her shit on me, and you like that until I knew what the fuck we had goin’ on. She knows though.”

“This is getting messy,” she said, covering her face.

I pulled her hand away from her face. “The shit is real. I got you when it comes to my family.”

I leaned down and kissed her lips. I wanted her to see I heard everything she said. I didn’t want this to be strictly sex anymore.

“One more thing before I leave.”

“What is it?”

“Call Nikki’s family. You avoiding them is not a good look. At least act like you care and you're innocent.”

“I do care. But I got you.”

I walked her to the door and pulled her in for a hug and kiss. Bad as I wanted her to stay, I needed to process what we talked about and call Nikki’s family. I stood there and watched her back out of the garage and disappear towards her house. My phone started ringing with an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Is this Shameek King?”

“Who askin’?”

“My name is Detective Allen. I’m calling regarding Nicole–Nikki’s disappearance. Her sister filed a missing person report this afternoon, and your name came up as the last person known to have seen her.”

“When do you need me?”

“Can we talk tomorrow morning?”

“Aight.”

“Would ten work?”

“Yeah.”

“We can meet at the station.”

“Bet,” I said, and hung up.

Nikki hadn't been gone a week, and shit was already moving faster than I wanted. I grabbed my burner phone from the counter and texted my cleanup guy.

Me: We got a problem.

Then I sent one to my tech guy.

Me: Police involved. Make sure there ain’t shit I missed.

I put the phone down. Kyenna wanted me to prove I could build something real with her. First, I had to make damn sure the life I had just destroyed didn’t come back and destroy mine.