Chapter 19: Alden - Wrong Date, Right Mates

I watch Tyler as he sleeps until his knot softens enough for me to ease him out of my mouth without waking him. My jaw is sore and tight, but to see him finally resting, breaths slow and deep, face wiped clean of all misery, heals something in me. The ache in my chest lessens, the familiar pain of sympathy I’ve felt every time he endured his ruts alone.

But watching him get off, tasting him from my hand, from the source… Fuck. It cranked the volume up on my rut. I wish I could have kept him awake and in my mouth long enough to fill my stomach with his cum. Maybe later.

I should sleep with Ty, get some rest in while I can. I’m so tired and I can tell already that this rut is going to wreck me, especially after Elliott. But I’m too wired, hypervigilant, doubting myself, doubting everything, worrying about Elliott, worrying about how Ty will feel when he wakes up. All my alpha confidence disappears when I’m left alone with my thoughts.

My teeth ache with the need to bite Ty, mate him, make him mine. I want to wake him up and beg him to choose me. But that’s not what a good alpha would do. That’s not how I would take care of Elliott. I can’t rush this. Tyler deserves all the same tenderness.

Tyler reaches for me in sleep, and spoons up behind me. It’s a foreign feeling. I’ve only ever been the big spoon. He’s so warm, it’s like we’re in our own nest. His nose nuzzles into my hair at the base of my skull and remains there.

His cock is hard, but not full mast yet as it presses against my ass. I’ve had him in my mouth long enough to know the difference. He tightens his arms around me and takes a deep breath, then hums.

“How long have I been out?” He stretches all the way down to his toes, pressing his dick harder against me.

“Not long enough,” I say, turning in his arms to face him. His eyes are still closed. “Are you okay?”

“Mmhm,” he mumbles, and opens his eyes. He reaches between us and wraps his palm around my cock and plays with my knot.

I suck in a sharp inhale against his lips.

“I love when you do that,” he says.

“What?”

“Breathe me in.”

“Do it again, then.”

He twists his grip on my knot, drawing another automatic gasp from me, then he kisses me again. His energy’s totally different after knotting in my mouth. There’s still that wildness to him, but it’s familiar, less frantic and pained. He jacks me off lazily, to the point that he’s edging me.

“Please,” I say.

His eyes flare wide like he just realized he can control me with my cock, using it like a joystick. His naiveté is adorable; it’s like we’re experiencing our firsts since we’re doing it together as alpha and alpha.

“I’ve been thinking,” he says.

“If you’re thinking, I didn’t do my job well enough.”

He shushes me. “I don’t want to knot you.”

Pain punches me in the gut.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He pinches my chin. “I’m not rejecting you. I want you to fuck me first. I want you to knot me.”

“W-what?”

“I don’t know… I’ve never…” He clenches his eyes shut and forces them open again, releasing his grip on my dick.

I cup his cheek and lean in until our foreheads press together. “I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything.”

He nods, grounding us both with the friction of it.

My pulse races. I don’t know what he’s going to say, but I’m afraid it will change everything or break the fragile connection we’ve just built.

Finally, he says, “I’ve never had sex. I don’t know if I’m demisexual. I thought I was. I thought that was why only you turned me on so much, so I blamed it on that. I’m demi and you’re my best friend. Of course I’d be attracted to you. Of course you’d haunt every single one of my wet dreams.”

I stroke his temple with my thumb. All this time, he’s never had sex? He usually spends his ruts alone, but I know he’s dated. I’ve met a few omegas over the years. I guess, I just assumed. “Sweetheart…”

His eyes widen like the pet name surprised him. It didn’t surprise me, though. My best friend needs tenderness right now.

“I tried taking it slow with other omegas, getting to know them. I tried pushing through it, even. I’ve gotten pretty close, but I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to. I was doing it because I was supposed to, and when I didn’t like it, I treated it like any other unanswered question.

“If I do X, will I feel Y? I experimented. A lot. But nothing worked. I broke a few omega hearts, and then I stopped trying.

“No one else has ever turned me on. No one. No scent ever turned my head. Only you. Only vetiver…”

“Until Elliott?”

“Yeah, and I don’t know what that means. I don’t know why my body reacted to him when I don’t know fuck all about him.”

“He’s the first omega you’ve ever felt that way about, and you still let me have him?”

He nods.

“Because you love me?”

“Because I love you,” he agrees.

He pauses, searching my gaze, assessing my reaction.

There’s no judgment from me, but I’m hurt. First, because my best friend has spent his entire adult life alone when I was right here, and second, because he never told me any of this when he used to tell me everything. I know that’s unfair, but fuck. I knew there was something between us, and he deprived us both.

“I’m sorry I never told you,” he says like he’s reading my thoughts.

“It’s okay. I just wish I could have been there for you. I wish I could have fucked you a long time ago too.”

He laughs, then sobers. “I want to fuck you, but I don’t want to do it wrong.”

I smile. “I don’t think you can do it wrong.”

“I’m serious. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m,” he looks down, and back up, “a little bigger.”

“Oh, I’m well aware.” I love how big he is.

“I want to watch you prep me. I want to see how you fuck. I want to feel your knot inside me first.”

I press my fingernails against my lips. “Are you sure?”

He nods. “I want my best friend to fuck me.”

“Holy shit. Oh my god. Okay.”