Chapter 20: Skyler - Pack of Mine

Her small frame violently shakes on the forest floor. The fire burns out and foam spews from her mouth like a rabid animal.

The anger, the hatred, the desire to kill that I felt, it all slips away as I watch her helplessly seize in the dirt. She’s my girl, my Kitten, my everything, as much as I wanted to deny it.

Regret consumes me whole.

I wish I did so many things differently. I wish I didn’t play games with her so much, I wish I didn’t walk away from her when she reached out, I wish I didn’t fuck that dumb whore last night.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

I wish I wasn’t so fucked up. I wish I could show her I care.

But I can’t do anything, I can’t help her in this form.

I’m not only a piece of shit, but I’m also a useless piece of shit.

Valentine transforms back to human and rolls her onto her side, keeping her from drowning in her own saliva. Everything happens in slow motion, but I feel the wrath quiet down in my body.

My skin itches, like there are tiny pieces of dust all over me. I glance down at my paws and the claws begin to shrink back, the fur growing sparse.

Holy fuck, I’m transforming.

Closing my eyes, I think only of her, praying to any God that would listen to me to keep her alive. I have to apologize, I have to make it up to her.

My snout shrinks into a nose, my paws into hands and my body slowly morphs back into a human, but it doesn’t hurt this time.

When I’m finished, I look down at my nudity and shoot a thank you up to the sky. I sprint over to her and place her head in my lap, petting her soft skin gently and a tear drops from my cheek onto hers before I realize I’m crying.

Damn, I’m crying for a girl.

Valentine peers up at me and Tristan struts over as a wolf still, both of them wide-eyed and silent.

Please, live.

I rock my body with her, mumbling nonsense. God, why did I say all that stupid shit? I didn’t mean it, I just wanted to protect her from my disgusting heart.

From this, I wanted to protect her from this.

“She’s not waking up, we need to take her to the hospital.” Valentine’s voice snaps me out of the ball of emotion that I am.

He attempts to pull her from my lap, but my fingers refuse to let go and they grasp tighter into her trembling skin.

“Skyler, let go. She needs help,” Tristan attempts to soothe me.

I miss her stupid smile, her green eyes rolling with annoyance when I say something corny, the way her black hair cascades on the sheets when she sleeps. I miss the smell of her, the scent that gets me a little high, that makes my cock twitch. I miss watching her work from the CCTV, the way her tongue traces across her lips when she’s completely focused on a task.

FUCK!

I can’t lose her, and I can’t handle the emotions in my chest. I feel like I’m about to combust all over the forest floor.

A sob escapes my mouth as Valentine picks her up and carries her towards the house quickly. I dig my palms into my teary eyes and give maximum effort to my breathing.

I can’t lose her.

She can’t be another girl in my graveyard, she can’t fucking die. She can’t lie next to them, forever a haunting reminder of my sins. She’s not one of them, she’s not a mistake. She’s so different.

I need her.

I need her laughing in my car, bantering with me. I need her running around the mansion, play-fighting with my brothers. I need her lying in my bed every night, sleeping as peacefully as she did the first evening she came home with me.

Fate, God, whatever you are – suck my asshole. This feeling utterly sucks. And give her back to me.

I look at Tristan, his eyes are watery as well, pity painting his face. I want to hug him, I want to be comforted.

“Is this… what love feels like?” I feel disgustingly weak as I say those painful words.

My heart’s about to pop out of my ribcage as I speak, tears burn my throat and I completely crumble apart. I should feel embarrassed, but I don’t, I feel connected.

“I… I feel the same way,” he mumbles.

He quickly transforms in front of me and squats down to offer me a hand to stand up. I grab it and we stand face to face, both crying like wusses.

We’re naked and it’s awkward, but I don’t feel the deep, dark hatred for the world anymore. A small amount of the weight I carry with me daily is lifted off of my shoulders standing here, nude in the forest with Tristan.

We wrap our arms around each other, my fingers desperately gripping into his soft back. It feels soothing, like how a mother should feel.

This might be the first hug I’ve ever had.

We’re skin to skin, I can feel the scars on his chest push into mine. My soft dick pushes into his stomach, his hands clench into my back muscles, and a sense of homeliness washes over me.

I feel safe, almost. Safety is a new sensation for my soul.

“Let’s go save her,” he says with tears in his eyes.

I pull away, grab his bicep and sprint towards the house, searching for the nearest set of clothes we can throw on before hopping in the back of Valentine’s car in the garage.

Her parents’ tattered Polaroid photo haunts me from the corkboard on the wall, speaking to me through the windshield.

Save her.

She’s lying on her side in the backseat and still seizing. I place her head on my lap again and brush her black hair with my anxiously trembling fingers. Tristan slides in the passenger seat as Valentine zips out of the garage and we fly down the street to Silver Lake Hospital.

“Please live, please wake up, I can’t believe I did this to you,” I whisper to her and my tears drip on her beautiful face. “I’m so sorry.”

The twenty-minute drive feels like the longest car ride of my life, even speeding way over the limit. Trees and cars fly past us and I watch her twitching face in my lap, her brain destroying itself by the minute. I wonder what she feels, what she’s seeing right now, if she can even comprehend a thought.

Can she see me crying over her fading body? Can she feel my regret and how sorry I am?

The tires on the car squeal like an animal as Valentine whips the car into the emergency entrance and I pull her body out of the seat, carrying her like a dying princess. I dash inside the lobby and up to the nurse’s area, screaming for help. My guttural voice echoes off the walls, my throat sore from the yelling. Saliva flies from my mouth and it still doesn’t feel loud enough.

Her body continues to shake in my arms and her eyes are slightly open, but rolled all the way back so all I see is white. Foam and bile drip to the floor from her pretty lips.

“SOMEONE! ANYONE! HELP!” I scream again.

A doctor finally approaches me and a group of nurses brings a stretcher, placing her convulsing frame on it. Before I can say goodbye, they wheel her away, taking my heart with her behind those goddamn swinging doors.

I watch the world around me in slow motion. This can’t be the last time I see her, this can’t be how she thinks of me before she dies.

“Sir, who is this girl? We need any information about her you can give us.”

The doctor holds a clipboard and motions for me to sit down in a nearby chair, patiently waiting for me to speak.

I’m panting, my brain struggles to form coherent sentences and all I see are memories of her. I focus on my breathing, slowly walk to the chair and plop down, the sounds of sirens and beeping alarms in the emergency room snap me out of my head and back to reality.

My heart drops into my stomach, and I hunch over, my throbbing skull resting in my hands.

I fucked this up so bad. I blew it, it’s over.

Even if she lives, she’ll hate me. She’ll remember me as a guy who pushed her past her physical limit, who treated her like an object, who never showed how much he cared.

Some of my last words to her were “You’re nothing.” Jesus Christ, I’m an asshole.

How could anyone like her love someone like me?

“She’s… my girlfriend.”

Liar. You wish, freak.

The demon in my ear pushes his self-destructive agenda as the doctor looks at me with sorrow, but he asks for more information.

“Has this ever happened before? Do you know anything about her medical history?”

I hesitate and realize I know nothing about her – her birthday, her favorite color or food, her childhood life aside from the records we found, anything.

I don’t even know her and I love her.

“Sir?” He places his hand on my back and bends over as he tries to look at my miserable face.

I can’t help her. I’m so fucking useless.

He continues to speak, but his voice merges into background noise and I stand up, walking straight out of the hospital doors. They click shut behind me and I feel weightless, like I’m not real anymore. The world around me bubbles, my vision distorts and I try to shake it off, but it doesn’t go away.

I can’t do this. I can’t handle this pain.

The night sky above me is full of stars, not a single cloud in the sky. I look up at them and send another silent prayer to whoever lives up there, to give me another chance.

One more chance, and I can fix this. I can show her how I feel, I can be vulnerable. I can be more than a piece of sadistic meat walking around this planet, looking to get high on something.

I shut my eyes and run my fingers painfully through my hair, gripping the roots until I feel a sting on my scalp.

I’m going to fix this, I promise, Octavia.

I open my eyes and spot Tristan and Valentine standing near the curb, patiently waiting for me. I approach them and they both gently place their hands on my shoulders and pause, waiting to see what I’ll do next.

My mouth shakes and I swallow, shoving the tears in my throat down.

“I… I love her. And I can’t help her.”

Saying the words aloud brings out a sob from my chest and they both rub my back as I cry into their chests.

I’ve never felt this before, I’ve never been this powerless in my entire life. It’s no wonder I’ve never done this, it feels fucking horrible.

Valentine whispers into my ear as they hold me. “I’m sorry, Skyler, but we need to leave, she’s been a missing person for over two months now. They’re gonna question us when they find out who she is.”

Reality comes back to hit me in the face, my eyes widen and I realize he’s right: she’s had no interactions with society, no sunlight, no real life. She fell off the face of the Earth, of course, people are looking for her.

And she’s had… nothing. We stripped her of everything, I stripped her of everything, and she still chose to help me.

Fuck, I’m the worst. I should just accept my spot in Hell, shouldn’t I? Would she be happy if she killed me when she wakes up? If she wakes up?

Guilt merges into every cell in my body and I question every decision I’ve ever made.

I’m a horrible person, and for once, that doesn’t feel like something to brag about. I’m not surprised she hates me.

My whole life I’ve been avoiding this feeling, this gut-wrenching care for someone, this guilt. I’ve emotionally curved away from anything more than sex and humor, attempting to protect myself from the pain. I’ve been afraid of feeling my entire life, and that fear created a disgusting monster.

We all climb back into the car and Valentine drives us to a side road nearby, turning the lights off to keep us in the dark. We sit in silence, the sound of distant sirens all around us while we wait.

I’m not sure what we’re waiting for, I’m just lifelessly following Valentine, but I know we can’t get caught in there.

Tristan switches on the stereo and we listen to a station reporting that a missing person has been found, in critical condition at the hospital. News reporters and cars pour into the parking lot, waiting their turn for her, just like we are.

I want her to live, and I want to tell her everything.

I want her to know that I’m in love with her.

She’s not just another girl, Octavia’s the one.

And I royally fucked it up.