Chapter 13 - The Life That Mattered

A minister friend of my grandma’s married us a few days later on Christmas morning. Just us, Ronin’s parents, my parents, and my grandma. It felt bittersweet to get married without my two best friends there, but we didn’t want a wedding, and we didn’t want to wait.

I knew Katie would be pissed off, and Lila would feel like I trumped her big day by squeezing in my own wedding—well, really just a marriage. So we vowed to not tell Lila and Graham until they were married and past the honeymoon phase. I wanted Lila to have her fair share of attention and marital bliss.

It snowed that morning, so I insisted we slide our jackets on over our clothes—my simple white sheath dress and Ronin’s black suit—don our snow boots and get married in the clearing just beyond the wood pile. It felt like we got married in a snow globe. It really couldn’t have been more perfect.

“I promise to find you in every life … in every universe.” I smiled, blinking the snow from my eyelashes.

Ronin grinned. “I promise to carry you down every mountain.”

Everyone chuckled at Ronin’s humor.

He squeezed my cold hands. “And shelter your heart, keeping it warm and safe next to mine in this life … in every life … and every universe.”

We said everything without ever saying those three words. There would come a day when we would need them. And saying them would mean everything. It would be a profoundly important moment in our lives. Maybe a last straw, a final breath, or maybe a new beginning. A spark of hope in the desolate dark.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ronin, you may kiss your bride.”

He slid his hand along my cheek and brushed his lips over mine. Before kissing me, he whispered, “Evie …”

I grinned, letting my mouth ghost over his. “Roe …”

On the most perfect Christmas ever, my instincts were confirmed. I had in fact … arrived.

* * *

Seven weeks later …

I gazed at my secret husband sitting next to my parents in the front row of the church. He winked at me, his secret wife, as I stood next to my best friend, the most beautiful bride ever to wear a wedding gown. Lila and Graham shined. It wasn’t the million-dollar wedding, the celebrity guest list, the string quartet, or even the five-carat diamond he slid onto her finger.

It was all the years of friendship. Graham’s steadfast love for Lila. When most men would have given up, he didn’t. And when Lila let him into her life—her heart—she was all in. Her love for him equaled his love for her. No two people had ever seemed more fated.

Well … until I walked into a bun and bubble tea cafe in Vancouver and met the son of an Olympic Frenchman and Malaysian fashion designer. In his words … an ethnically diverse ski bum.

The groom kissed the bride.

My mom (working hard at kicking cancer’s ass) grabbed my dad’s hand as happy tears filled her eyes. On the opposite side of them were two empty seats with roses on them, for Lila’s parents, stripped too early from our lives after that fatal car accident. Somewhere, somehow, I had to believe they were watching with tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces. Their beautiful daughter had grown into a successful engineer and married a man who adored her.

And just like that … life was absolutely perfect.

“It’s over!” Lila declared on a huge sigh as I held her dress so she could pee before the reception. “I’m so fucking glad it’s over. Ya know? The past several months have been hell. I was getting to the point where I just wanted to sneak off and elope, giving the rest of the uppity Porter clan the middle finger. I hope we can settle into a normal marriage where we only have lunch with his family once a month. Is it wrong that all I want is to have Graham to myself for a while?”

Her confession left me speechless. I thought she wanted the big wedding. Sure, I knew it was stressful, and Graham’s mom and aunt were driving her crazy, but elope? That was my MO.

“You’re joking.” I handed her a wad of toilet paper as she tried to find her bared crotch, buried beneath layers of expensive satin and lace, to wipe herself.

“No. In fact, if you want some advice from your best friend, run off and just marry Ronin. Don’t have a wedding.”

“I did it.” Those three words flew out so quickly; I wasn’t even sure if I said them. But no one else was in the lounge with us, the fancy lounge in the guest wing of the Porter mansion. Wow! I didn’t realize how badly I needed to tell her, until it catapulted from my tongue.

“You did what?” She stood and I guided her forward to keep her dress out of the toilet. After washing her hands, and maybe forgetting that I said those three words, she turned toward me. “Did what?”

Nope. She remembered.

“I uh …” Maybe it wasn’t such a good time to confess. The lineup of second, third, and fourth guesses congregated at the door to my conscience, waiting to offer alternative explanations for my comment. What if she wasn’t serious? After having my nipple in her mouth months earlier, I found myself second-guessing all her words, their meanings, and her intentions.

“A million people are waiting for us. Out with it, Evelyn.”

“It’s nothing.” I shook my head, looking over her shoulder to check my hair in the mirror. It was still in a lovely messy bun (Graham’s favorite). Toasts, dancing, and too much drinking wouldn’t bode well for it, but I’d deal with that later.

“I said you should elope, and you said, ‘I did it.’ But you couldn’t have meant you eloped, so what did you do?”

Geesh, she was relentless. Were we still talking about that? How could her mind snag on something as frivolous as my three-word confession on her wedding day?

“Ronin and I got married on Christmas.”

No big deal. I said it with a breeze, like requesting someone pass the salt.

“Oh my gosh!” Her instant excitement fell dead at my feet, replaced with a confused expression. “Oh … you mean you’re getting married on Christmas. Right?” Her eyes narrowed as her head cocked to the side.

“Got married. On Christmas. Two months ago. I didn’t want to spoil your wedding or take the spotlight. And we didn’t want a wedding. We just wanted to be married. So we did it. We had a minister marry us right outside of my house with my grandma, parents, and Ronin’s parents. Afterwards, we had a holiday brunch with them. They left. And we spent the rest of the day in bed—Mr. and Mrs. Alexander.” I gave her a toothy smile.

Lila? Well, she didn’t even blink.

I deflated and grimaced. “Please don’t be mad. I wasn’t going to tell you until all this wedding stuff was over and just a distant memory. Then you suggested we elope, and I’ve been dying to tell you because the day was so bittersweet without my best friend there, and—”

Lila took two steps and pulled me in for a really tight hug. “I hate you and love you. I’m proud of you and pissed off at you. But …” She held me back at arm’s length. “Our friendship will survive this betrayal. And you’re the only one I trust to help me piss tonight, so I can’t unfriend you yet.”

I bit back my grin, giving her the moment she needed to act upset with me. “And we’re secret lesbian lovers. Without me in your life, you’ll never have a quality threesome again.” I shrugged.

After several blinks from her stoic expression, she turned toward the mirror and checked her makeup. “You know … I never bring that up. In fact, it was my idea to never bring that up again. Yet, you seem to slip it into certain conversations which makes me think you liked it more than you’d ever admit. Were you…” she looked up at my reflection in the mirror and smirked “…close to orgasming that night? Did my mouth on your breasts … my tongue ring flicking your nipples feel good, Evie?”

Delivering my own smug smile, I let her have her moment. After all, it was her day. “No woman has ever made me feel the way you did, snookum.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“You have guests waiting for you.” I opened the door. “Oh!” I jumped, not expecting Graham to be right there on the other side of it.

“Evelyn.” He smiled like the Devil himself. I’m not sure I had ever seen such a deviant expression on his face. “I need a minute with my wife.”

That made me smile. Wife. I liked hearing him refer to her as his wife. “I suppose you’ve earned it. By the way … I’m married.”

I waited for his eyebrows to shoot up his forehead.

“I know.” He glanced over my head at Lila, and his smile doubled.

He knew?

What!

Ronin couldn’t keep the secret. Traitor.

“Of course, you did,” I grumbled. “Don’t be long. Your mom will have a coronary if things don’t stay on schedule.” I made my way toward the reception, texting Ronin.

Me: I can’t believe you told Graham we got married!?

Ronin: Why would you say that?

Me: Because when I told him, he said he already knew.

Ronin: I didn’t tell him. But clearly you did. He simply played you. He’s good at that.

I grumbled, shaking my head. How was I supposed to respond to that?

“Evelyn, dear. Have you seen the bride and groom?” Graham’s mom, Helene, asked as I reached the bottom of the stairs to the foyer.

“Yes. I just helped her in the ladies’ room, and Graham showed up as I was leaving.”

“Be a dear and tell them we’re ready to have them seated for the first toast.”

I nodded, trying to be a dear. She hated me. Never understood why Graham kept me as such a close friend—me and my sick, broke parents.

“Thank you.” She spun on her high heels and mounted her high horse to ride off and rule her rich little world.

The door to the lounge slash bedroom suite was still cracked open like I left it minutes earlier. I eased it open a few more inches. Then I froze, my mouth agape nearly as wide as the door.

“I own you now,” Graham murmured next to Lila’s ear as he fucked her from behind with her leaned over the back of a winged-back chair. Clearly, he wasn’t lying about that. Her dress was bunched at her waist, his pants pooled at his ankles. What looked like remnants or shredded pieces of her panties littered the floor a few feet from them.

“Say it, baby.” He bit her ear as his hands cupped her breasts, pulled free from her strapless gown.

She arched her back, releasing tiny grunts. I couldn’t read the expression on her face, the clenched teeth and cringe. Painful pleasure? Just pain? “You own me.”

“You like me in your ass, don’t you?” He released her breasts, one hand grabbing her chin as he devoured her mouth, his other hand fishing beneath the front of her dress. She cried into his mouth as he plunged his fingers into her, filling her—owning her—in every possible way.

Lila’s knees started to buckle.

Before they had the chance to look back at me standing in the doorway, completely bewildered by not only what I was seeing but what he just said to her, I took a step backward.

ASS?! He’s in her ass?!

I slid around the corner into the hallway, my cupped hand immediately flew to my mouth to keep from screaming as Ronin surprised me with his presence like Graham had done earlier.

He narrowed his eyes while mine couldn’t possibly get any wider. I shook my head frantically to keep him from speaking. Ronin’s confusion deepened, but he didn’t speak. Instead, he shifted to the side to glance into the bedroom.

Ronin looked … and looked. Eyebrows creeping up his forehead with realization. A slight smile formed along his mouth as his head cocked to the side, studying them.

Did I want him watching my friends? Seeing Lila exposed like that? Would he think differently about them? It wasn’t exactly newlyweds making love. Graham occupied his wife in every possible place she could be occupied.

I tugged on Ronin’s arm. He took a few steps back, so we were hidden behind the corner. The grin on his face continued to work its way up his face like bread dough rising in a warm room.

“How long have you been watching them?” he whispered.

My head jutted forward, eyes open as wide as they could open. He thought I was watching them? I was, but not on purpose. It was an accident.

He, however, spent way too long checking out the situation.

I pulled him down the hallway into another bedroom. “I wasn’t watching them.”

“No?” Ronin nodded slowly, rolling his smirky lips between his teeth.

I didn’t appreciate his disbelief.

“Helene sent me to get them. I encountered the awkward situation. It took me a few minutes … er … seconds to realize what they were doing. As soon as I did, I turned around to leave and there you were.”

“I see. Well … Evie, I can tell you what they’re doing. Or even give you a hands-on demonstration. It would be my pleasure.”

So much embarrassment rushed up my neck into my cheeks. I felt certain I might set off the fire alarms.

“Graham … please … Graham … GRAHAM!” Everyone at the reception must have heard Lila scream. Not moan. She screamed.

I covered my mouth. “Oh my god! He’s hurting her!” As I turned to stop Graham, Ronin grabbed my arm.

“Evie … they’re having sex. You clearly haven’t focused on your own screams during sex. She’s fine.”

“I don’t sound like that!”

“Care to let me prove you wrong? Shut the door, Evie.”

Okay. I’ll admit I was vocal sometimes. But that sounded like the scream of a woman being murdered, not a bride on her wedding night. Well … it was late afternoon.

“Ronin, I’m serious. He’s in her…” my nose wrinkled “…ass.”

“And?” Ronin gave me a look.

I frowned, knowing what it felt like to be owned like that. “It wasn’t on our wedding day. And you were gentle.”

“And you still screamed my name.”

I fought what I thought I knew and what I feared, hoping they were not one and the same.

Ronin sighed, nodding toward the hallway. “Go check on her if you’re worried. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

I trapped my lip between my teeth. The screams stopped. I didn’t want to check on them, but better me than Helene. On a huff, I tiptoed toward the other room. “Lila?” I called as a warning before I got to the door.

Graham sauntered out of the bedroom, tucking in his crisp white shirt, sporting that same stupid grin he wore on that regretful night in Vancouver. “Evelyn, you should have joined us.”

My nose wrinkled. “I’m married.”

Graham shrugged, leaning down close to my ear. “So am I. What’s your point?” He brushed past me toward the stairs.

I had a long lecture for him. When Graham got too high on himself, his job, his wealth, or his dick … I had to put him in his place. However, the only place anyone needed to be at the moment was the reception.

Lila glanced up from her disheveled dress, trying to tuck her breasts back into the bodice of it.

I rolled my eyes and gestured for her to turn around. Unzipping her dress, I helped adjust it from behind while she put everything in front back in its place.

“Are you going to be able to sit down for dinner? Or will you need a high-top table?”

“I take it you’ve been up here for a while.”

I cleared my throat, ignoring her question. “Do you need to use the toilet again? Are any bodily fluids leaking from any of your … orifices?”

Gross? Yes.

But sex had its not so glamorous parts, and I had a feeling Graham didn’t wrap it up before owning his wife.

“That’s disgusting, Evie.” Lila glanced at me over her shoulder with a sour look on her face.

“Yes or no?” I kept a straight face. I wasn’t trying to be anything or do anything but help my friend get to her really expensive wedding reception without smelling or feeling like a sperm receptacle.

She blew out a hard breath, eyes averting to the side as she returned a single nod. I unzipped her dress and helped her step out of it. Then she waddled to the toilet, sliding a hand between her legs. Men had it so fucking easy.

Without exchanging any more words, I helped her get dressed, and then fixed her hair and makeup. That’s what friends did. They overlooked embarrassing situations and had each other’s backs.

“Did he hurt you?” I had to ask, just before we got to the door that led to the reception in the Porter’s private art gallery. It killed me to ask her, but I wouldn’t have forgiven myself had I not said something.

Graham loved her. I knew that. I really did. But her cry still echoed in my ears. Ronin was wrong. There was no way I sounded like that.

“Evie …” Lila turned toward me, taking my hands in hers. “Graham would never hurt me. How can you even ask me that?”

“Because I heard you scream, and it sounded bad. Not like you were enjoying it.” God … I felt stupid and embarrassed having that conversation with her.

Her grin didn’t help my situation. “There’s a reason why we’re friend soul mates, Evie … you always have my back. Literally.” She winked and blew me a kiss before making her grand entrance into the gallery of people waiting for the bride.

I rubbed my forehead. Lecturing her on any sort of taboo sex would have been very hypocritical of me. I knew what I had done with Ronin.

But fuck … I didn’t scream like that. Only victims in my horror movies screamed like that.

The rest of the evening rebounded back to the same kind of perfection as the wedding. I expected nothing less with three wedding planners and an endless budget.

“You’re mine on the dance floor, Evelyn.” Graham held out his hand to me.

Ronin nudged me off his lap. “Go show him your moves.”

I begrudgingly accepted Graham’s hand and looked over my shoulder, sticking my tongue out at Ronin.

He laughed, sipping his beer.

“I requested this song just for us.” Graham pulled me into his arms, gazing down at me with all kinds of mischief.

Rob Thomas, “Lonely No More.”

I suppressed my scowl, pretending I didn’t get the significance of the song even though I knew. It was the song that played on MTV the night we surpassed the legal limit and had sex. Quite fitting since, aside from the alcohol, the only good reason we had for testing our friendship with a stupid decision like sex was sheer loneliness.

“Thank you.” Graham kissed the top of my head as we attempted to slow dance to a song that wasn’t really a slow dance or a dancing song at all.

“For what?”

“Lila.”

I swallowed my tiny lump of regret, still hearing her scream from earlier. “You’re welcome. If you hurt her, I will kill you.”

Graham chuckled. “I’d expect nothing less of you.”

We swayed together as the song played on, Lila on one side of the room shooting me a big smile and Ronin on the other side of the room chatting it up with my parents while also giving me the occasional wink and grin.

As the song came to an end, Graham gave me one last hug. A tight, sincere hug. “I love you, Evelyn, more than you could possibly know.”

Peering up at him, I didn’t even try to hide the tears in my eyes. I loved him too. There was really no good reason why we didn’t end up together other than that thing. I believed for two people to fall in love there had to be a lot of definable things like common interests, goals, and the obvious attraction, but also the thing that couldn’t be defined. It had no label. It was just an invisible component of a relationship that made it work—that part of you that physically felt empty without that other person.

“I love you too, Graham. But I love Lila more … and so should you.”

He kissed my cheek, letting his lips linger against my skin as if it was some sort of goodbye. “Agreed,” he whispered. “We love Lila more.”