Chapter 8 - The Life That Mattered

Ronin

“You’re not getting wood?” Lila asked, closing the squeaky door behind her. I shot her a quick glance before returning my attention to the view of the Rockies from one of the wooden rocking chairs on Evelyn’s porch.

“No.” I smirked. “I did that this morning.”

Lila grunted, easing into the chair beside me, zipping her coat up to her nose. “I’m aware.”

“That’s why the front door wasn’t locked. Before Evie woke, I came out here to chop firewood. I didn’t think to lock the door again. What were the chances of you flying up here on a Saturday morning unannounced?”

“About as good as the chances of Madeline being diagnosed with breast cancer.”

I turned, inspecting Lila through narrowed eyes.

She focused on the view, but I didn’t miss the tears in her eyes. “She’s my mom too. When my own parents died, Evie’s parents filled that void. I mean … they’ve always treated me like a daughter, even before my parents died, as did mine with Evie. Madeline and Corey are going to walk me down the aisle when I get married. They are my family. I don’t have siblings, and I’m not close with the rest of my living relatives.”

I knew all of this from Evelyn, but I listened as if I didn’t know any of it.

Lila blew out a slow breath. “Madeline told me last night. I insisted we tell Evie right away—for somewhat selfish reasons really. I needed to share the burden of pain. I needed my friend. My sister.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lila slid her gaze in my direction, giving me a sad smile. “Thank you. I’m so glad Evie has you. She’s going to need you a lot over these upcoming months. I have to move forward with the wedding. Graham will make sure she gets to Denver as quickly and as often as possible. However, Evie handles these situations by grasping for any control she can find, which means she will pour herself into work. This cabin will be spotless all the time. Her calendar will become an obsession. She’ll know the times and dates of Madeline’s appointments. Her parents will get a dozen calls a day. They will surrender every tiny detail of what they’re doing, right down to the last time they took a shit.”

I chuckled and so did Lila.

“You do your thing. I’ve got Evelyn. My parents are coming tomorrow. They’ll be here for several months. My mom is great at managing any crisis, so she’ll jump right in and be whatever Evelyn needs her to be while I’m working.”

Lila reached her hand toward the arm of my chair, resting it on mine. “Thank you.”

Rocking in my chair, I returned my gaze to the view. The pain. So much pain waited for Evelyn, no matter what happened to her mom. I knew about pain, and there was nothing I wanted more than to take the pain and bear it for her.

“Oh … how did skiing go yesterday? She was having serious anxiety over it at the dress fitting.”

I grinned. “It went well.”

“She’s terrible. Right? The worst skier in the world.”

I coughed a laugh. “Yes, she’s pretty bad, but I don’t care. I swear to god her willingness to try, for me, put her on this unreachable pedestal in my eyes. She’s fucking amazing.”

“You love her.”

I nodded.

“You should tell her, if you haven’t already.”

“She knows.”

“Are you sure?”

It’s too big for words now. Don’t belittle it with a four-letter word. It’s too intangible. Too undefinable. Don’t ever tell me what you can show me.

“Positive.”

* * *

An hour later, Lila, Evelyn’s grandma, and mom made their way back to Denver. Evelyn dove into washing the dishes from breakfast without saying a word to me. I dried the dishes and put them away. Next, she grabbed the bucket of cleaning supplies and marched into the bathroom.

Lila knew her friend quite well.

However, I still had things to learn about this woman who had taken my heart like said heart knew it belonged to her long before we met.

Traveling. Skiing. Caring for the injured.

Those were the things that occupied my time, motivated me, and fulfilled my needs. Love at first sight, destiny, or any fictional shit like that kept a safe distance from my existence. Then one day … Evelyn literally walked into my life, took a seat, and gave me this grin that I felt. Yes … I felt her grin. And while I had a gift—a curse really—for feeling things, a grin was not my usual superhuman sensation. I knew … I just knew I was in trouble—all from a grin.

“What can I do to help you?” I stood at the threshold to the bathroom, leaning my shoulder against it, with my hands tucked into the front pockets of my jeans.

Evelyn cleaned the mirror. “Don’t be silly. You have your own place. I don’t expect you to help me clean mine.”

“Your mom is having surgery in a week.”

Evelyn stopped her motions. Surely, she assumed Lila told me.

“What can I do for you?”

“I’m good.” She continued wiping the mirror.

“What can I do for you?”

“Nothing. I’m good.” Her words came out thick with emotion.

I pressed myself to the back of her, sliding one hand around her waist while my other hand grabbed her wrist to stop her from cleaning the mirror. I brought that hand to her chest, hugging her. “What can I do for you?”

Her teary-eyed gaze looked up at me in the mirror, bottom lip quivering. “Hold me,” her words broke as the tears made their way down her face.

I turned her toward me, wrapping her in my arms. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for this woman. Yet, the one thing that tore her apart was beyond my control.

Nothing in a medical kit could fix it. No amount of education would find a solution. Why was it when the important people in our lives needed us the most, that was when our love felt the most empty—most helpless?

I gave her my arms. They couldn’t fix anything, but maybe they’d hold her together. I was certain they were made to do exactly that. She didn’t want me to say the words, but I thought them. They screamed in my head and thumped in my chest; they whispered from my lungs with every breath.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

She sobbed.

I stroked her hair.

I held her up when her legs gave out.

I carried her to the sofa and let her cling to me while she worked out a bit of reality. There was so much I knew about reality and life. From a very young age, I learned about breaths, fragility, and beating impossible odds.

When her tears ran dry, she eased her grip on my shirt and glanced up at me. “Thank you.”

I returned a sad smile.

“You didn’t tell me it’s going to be okay.” She sniffled, wiping her cheeks.

“I don’t know that it is going to be okay.”

“It has to be.”

I stared at her a few seconds, contemplating my next words. When I couldn’t find the right ones, I kissed her forehead.

“I should finish cleaning.” She tried to climb off my lap, but I pulled her back to me, wrapping my arms around her waist, her back to my chest.

Resting my chin on her shoulder, I slanted my head to kiss her neck. “Earlier, in bed …”

“Don’t say it.” She leaned her head into mine.

“I’m not.” I chuckled. “But would it really be so bad?”

“Save it for a rainy day.”

“A rainy day?”

“Yes. When there’s nothing to say because it’s all been said a million times before … but you have to say something.”

“Then let’s go get coffee.”

She turned toward me. “We have coffee here.”

“True. But I like going to Grinds with you, sitting across from you at one of those tiny round tables, staring at each other through the steam of our coffees. I like the shy but flirty smile you give me. It reminds me of the day we met in Vancouver. It’s when I know we’re thinking those words we don’t actually say.”

The corners of her mouth turned up a fraction. Yeah, she fucking loved me too, and she knew. She knew it a long time ago.

I continued, “I like the soft jazz music, background chatter, and the whoosh of steam as they froth the milk. It all feels like this perfect Evelyn bubble. When I reach across the table and touch your hand, your cheeks turn pink and it does all kinds of insane things to me. But I can’t act on impulse when we’re there, so it’s this beautiful, torturous foreplay.”

Evelyn grinned, nodding slowly. “I love going for coffee with you too. I get to stare at you and pinch myself because I can’t believe you found your way to me … to my life. And I can’t believe you just said all of that like you were reading my mind. That day in Vancouver, it felt like so much more than a stop along my way. It felt like I had arrived.” She glanced over her shoulder.

I nipped at her lower lip. “That’s the thing about you, Evie … I had no idea I was waiting for someone until you arrived.”

“Ronin Alexander, are you a romantic? A chance meeting? A look? A feeling?” She turned her body, straddling my lap and interlacing her fingers behind my neck.

My lips twisted. “Hmm … I’m not sure yet.”

She kissed the corner of my mouth and whispered, “You are such a romantic.”