Chapter 40 - Fallen's First

Saer convinced Errshek to lie on the small camp bed under his canopy after he wore himself out with crying. He fed more wood into the fire, providing a stronger blaze to facilitate Envy’s healing.

Hours stood between him and sunrise, and his plagued mind wouldn’t allow him to pass any of the time in sleep.

Errshek’s breathing shifted from stilted hiccups to lengthy inhales and exhales, a sure sign he’d left consciousness at last.

Alive.

Everything he’d worked towards, all the endless years he’d held revenge like a bleeding, raw piece of meat between his teeth had, in the span of a few precious hours, turned to rot. Purpose had existed where sickening decay now settled in. Previously robust fury against the one he’d hunted turned as brittle as the moment love dies.

Was it all for nothing?

Had his time been wasted and worthless between Neyu’s death and finding Errshek?

Saer dissected his maker’s moves with more scrutiny than he ever had, picking apart the pieces like a thick, encrusted scab. The struggle to put himself in the mindset of Lucifer ached, and stabbed, and seared all at once. With the same exertion it took to recall a dream upon waking, pulling it desperately from the back of his reluctant brain, truth materialized. The notion that, perhaps, Errshek might be a victim as much as Neyu. As much as he.

Which meant...

Lucifer learned from Errshek of Saer and Neyu’s devotion to one another. Their maker wouldn’t have missed Errshek’s fondness for the Second. When it became apparent Saer and Errshek were both in love with Neyu, willing to dedicate themselves to her above even their maker, the simplest solution and the greatest lesson was to destroy her.

His stomach lurched.

What better way to do this than to have the lover turn murderer, and the unrequited paramour present to bear witness?

And if he’d refused to destroy Neyu, the rest would have been unmade, leaving Saer alone.

No, not alone.

Leaving Saer with Lucifer. First, and favored.

Saliva flooded his mouth.

In Saer’s travels around the world, removed year over year from Lucifer’s influence, he’d witnessed true leaders, lovers, families, fathers. Humans showed him the best and worst of each. He remembered how Neyu made him feel—the rightness. No matter which angle he looked at It, his maker never invoked the same sensation. Or rather, It drew an instinctual parody of the sentiment to the surface, but tainted. Compellingly toxic.

Saer craned his neck and swallowed past the sickening reflux fighting against him. Something innate pressed at him, a built-in mental block which manifested in physical discomfort.

If Errshek wasn’t to blame for Neyu’s unmaking, and he knew he didn’t condone the heinous act, it left one possibility.

Lucifer.

Saer bent suddenly to the side and vomited. The First’s retches were blanketed by torrential rain and thunder.

The fallen angel.

Another heave, and Saer fell to the ground on his hands and knees, the pressure in his abdomen shoving so hard it pounded behind his eyeballs.

It killed Neyu.

The contents of his stomach tried to empty a third time, and Saer spit on the ground at the end of it, fighting to catch his breath.

Deceiving, murderous, iniquitous beast.

His head pounded, the ringing thick in his ears. The more he pointed his internal accusation at his maker and away from Errshek, the more his body rebelled, as though the First’s loyalty had been baked in. Inherent. Considering going against Lucifer triggered every discomforting sensation in his body, urging—commanding—him to lean another direction.

But his confrontation with Errshek opened his eyes, well and truly. He’d never be able to close them again.

The others—Arek, Alus, Runeak, Errshek, Kalia—all lived under the same veil, didn’t they?

His stomach lurched again, but nothing was left. He groaned and spat on the ground.

None of his kin considered their maker to hold any fault in Neyu’s undoing. Runeak blamed him. The Twins blamed the culmination of events…and him. Kalia didn’t want to blame anyone, yet coaxed him to be better, asked if he even missed Neyu. Lastly, Errshek blamed him…and himself.

To some degree, all pointed their fingers at him. Even he had blamed Errshek. None blamed Lucifer.

Until now. Until him.

Would they ever see?

Saer gasped great lungfuls of air, and dared to whisper the words aloud, “Our maker’s fault.”

His guts spasmed again.

Saer gritted his teeth against it, digging his fingers into the moist dirt under them. “Its fault.”

The nausea resurged, and he tightened his abdominal muscles against the sensation, growling. Saer dared to sit, hands shaking.

He said the words again, battling the inborn allegiance Lucifer used when creating him.

Pride wouldn’t allow himself to be the fool again.

* * *

The remainder of the night passed in a wash of rain and rolling thunderclaps. Saer spent the time solidifying his ideals, making it back onto the stump at one point or another.

While not the most relaxing of evenings, it carried a dark satisfaction all the same.

As the sun peeked over the horizon, Saer noted the lightning and thunder dissipating as well. “Does it go away every morning?” he pondered aloud.

“Nearly so.” Errshek’s fatigued mumble came from behind Saer. The younger demon lay on his side, back facing him.

A spike of annoyance pinched at Saer as he glanced over his shoulder at the dozing demon. “So I could have waited until the morning and found you without having to go through all that?” He made a flippant gesture towards the sky.

Envy answered with a groan as he rolled over, rubbing at his face and wincing. “My eyelids are going to be puffy.”

“Pardon?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

Though Errshek couldn’t see it, Pride rolled his eyes. Still, he tried to keep the irritation out of his tone of voice. “Let me know when you’re done with your morning routine, then we’ll talk.”

The sentence provoked another groan from Errshek who sat halfway, but flopped back on the camp bed after he heard it. “You’ve always been so damned action-oriented.”

Saer twisted towards Errshek. What he meant to say stopped short when he saw Envy’s face. He paused. “Huh.”

“What?”

“Your eyelids are puffy.”

Releasing a tiny, indignant shriek, Errshek covered his face and yelled behind his hands, “I told you!”

Saer huffed when one of Errshek’s sandals struck his shoulder. “You look much better than last night,” he said and meant it. Errshek’s outward wounds healed for the most part after hours by the fire. “Get up. Come with me down to the water.”

Simple as that, Saer fulfilled his true-name-binding command, and the prior metaphysical weight lifted from Errshek.

Saer stood, brushing off his pants, and stepped out of the clearing.

* * *

The lake’s edge boasted a mixture of rocks, dirt, and grass. Dewdrops clung to the turf in the cool early morning, sunlight glittering off the iridescent water spots. In sharp contrast to the bright azure of the daytime sky, the body of the lake simmered, alternating between navy and ebony while small waves lapped along the shoreline.

Across the way, Saer spotted a multitude of humans moving at the pool’s edge, alternating between crouching and standing. Likely his crew mates doing their diligence. They collected the ‘mystical fluid’ of the lake to bring back with them. Pride knelt at the shoreline and wet his fingertips on the water.

Just water.

Just a tale.

He felt neither surprise nor disappointment.

The graceless footsteps of Envy sounded at Saer’s back.

“You could have run,” Saer said, though he’d not doubted Errshek would join him next to the water when he released the true-name command.

The footsteps stumbled as they slowed, and Errshek muttered under his breath, “A lot of good that did me last time.” Sidling next to Saer, Errshek went on with his usual self-berating awkwardness, “Can’t even hide properly.”

Saer touched his fingertips together as he nodded to the side in acknowledgment, the water sizzling in microscopic evanescent pops off his skin as he forced a small fraction of extra heat into the flesh. “To be fair, it’s a clever enough spot.” He lifted his eyes to focus across the body of water, musing, “I might not have found you for quite a bit longer if Kalia hadn’t told me how you two spoke to the Twins about it.”

Errshek kicked at the rocks at the lake border with a grimace. “She’s such a snitch.”

Saer opened his mouth to correct the younger demon but stopped himself. He and Kalia’s last moments together played behind his mind’s eye, and he clenched his jaw, dropping his gaze. A few heartbeats of silence passed before he changed the subject. “I had a good amount of time to think last night.” Standing, he turned to better face Errshek. “I think it’s time all of us gathered.”

“Us?”

Raising his eyebrows, Saer gave Errshek the full weight of his gaze.

“Us, like, everyone?”

“Yes, Errsheken.”

“Kalia and Runeak and Alu—”

“Everyone.”

Envy scoffed and shook his head. “You can’t be...we haven’t all...in one place?”

“Am I going to have to keep repeating myself?”

“How?” He threw his hands out dramatically. “We’re all scattered to the four winds and you”—Errshek gestured at him with another pronounced flair—“apparently aren’t getting around the fast way anymore. How in the Hells do you suggest we accomplish this?”

Saer answered with calm to match Errshek’s angst. “You’re going to get them, Errsheken.”

“Get them?!” Envy’s border-nasal voice raised so much, it almost squeaked. “No one listens to me, Saer! Why would they? Even if I could find them, getting them to all, what, come here?” Errshek snapped his fingers, pointing at their imaginary kin. “Hey kids, have no fear, hop on that fire modus itinerantur. The eldest amongst us—who can kill us all—just wants to have a chat.”

If he weren’t so aggravating, Saer might have chuckled.

“Runeak hates me, the Twins barely tolerate me, and Kalia...she might come if I could convince her to move, but have you ever—”

Saer crossed his arms and cleared his throat loud enough that Errshek faltered and halted in the middle of his rant.

The younger demon’s mouth trembled. “Do they know they would have died with Neyu? If, you hadn’t…you know…”

The corner of Saer’s mouth flinched. He shook his head.

“Why not?” Errshek whispered the question like he feared the answer.

Running his tongue along his teeth, Saer considered. “Does it matter?”

“Will you tell them?”

“I’m not sure.”

Errshek’s lips thinned, but he fell silent.

“Start with Arek and Alus,” Saer said. “I’ll wait at the camp for you to return.”

Hands limp at his sides, Errshek sighed and bowed his head. When he didn’t move or speak in response, Saer lifted a brow. “Well?”

Errshek raised his eyes with a resigned, perplexed expression. “I’m waiting for the true-name command.”

“Errsheken.”

Errshek flinched, and Saer offered him a cynical half-smile. “Can I not simply ask this as a favor?”

Errshek sputtered, then cleared his throat. “If I do this, will you…could you not tell them I asked you to…?”

“You’d rather I keep your death wish between the two of us?”

Envy nodded. “I don’t feel it all the time.” He wouldn’t meet Pride’s gaze.

It explained some, but not all, of what Errshek struggled with on any given day. For Saer, that was enough. “I won’t say anything.”

A shaking sigh left the younger demon, and he nodded. “Thank you.” Fumbling for more, he finally settled upon, “And what do I tell them?”

Saer turned his focus back to the lake. “Tell them it’s for Neyu.”

* * *

Saer told Errshek where he’d last seen the Twins. It at least gave him a place to start.

As with every time the Daemoenica traveled by Hellsfire, Errshek would go first to the Hells—using their birthplace as a central hub—and then to wherever the Twins might be. It allowed more chances for their maker to ask about the Sixth’s comings and goings, though it couldn’t be helped. Saer counted on the forgettable Envy to be equally dismissed by Lucifer.

He also counted on Errshek to follow through with the task. He took a risk, not binding him to the request, but doing so would ruin everything he hoped for as they moved forward.

As they all moved forward.

After Errshek disappeared in a blazing explosion of flame, Pride set about his own series of chores. He bartered for a few sets of simple linen garments of various sizes and other odds and ends from the nearest settlement. Otherwise, he had nothing left to do but return to Errshek’s modest encampment.

And wait.

Saer had never excelled at being alone with his own thoughts and feelings, nor at relying on others to do things for him.

In the light of day, Pride could ignore the uneasy hollowness festering in his insides. Night, however, was always a different beast.

Not uncommonly, Saer found himself sitting on the same stump where he’d first encountered Errshek, reliable flames keeping him company beneath the canopy. He reinforced his separation from his maker, that It held ultimate responsibility for Neyu’s unmaking, even if Saer acted as the sword.

Could he teach his kin to break the addiction?

Could he, well and truly?

The riddle was insurmountable. He didn’t know how he’d accomplish it.

But he would.

* * *

Days turned into a week. Weeks into a month. Saer took the time to repeat the reality of Neyu’s passing to himself, solidifying it like a keystone.

A month turned into several.

Saer burnt and carved Errshek’s unrefined stump into a more suitable chair. He rearranged the stones of the fire pit for uniformity, going so far as finding different, like-sized rocks. Picking up tricks from the locals, he crafted some frames he could hook prepared fish filets to in order to smoke them.

As each sunrise and sunset passed, Saer hiked for wood to feed the fire pit. Midday crested when he returned from one such trip, arms amassed with lumber and an ax strapped to his bare back.

An unmistakable roar of spontaneous combustion erupted behind Saer amidst taking the lumber into his usual pile.

He paused before setting down the bundle of wood. Wiping off his hands, he turned towards the imploding pair of fireballs, independent blazes each retreating into two separate, naked, humanoid entities.

He frowned and did a double-take at the odd pairing, then moved to the pile of linens he’d bartered for and took out a shirt and pants for each of the newcomers.

Errshek and a twin turned his way.

Lavender eyes. Arek.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Taking the offered garments with his usual bored expression, Arek lifted them in muted thanks and donned them without further preamble. Saer turned to Errshek with the second set and broke the silence as the youngest demon took hold of them. “I’m both fascinated and impressed that you were able to split them up.”

“Not my idea. The good ones never are,” Errshek muttered as he took the clothes and wandered off. If any of the other Daemoenica said it, it would have been sulking. From Errshek, it came across as a simple statement of fact.

Arching a brow, Saer shifted his attention to Greed who donned the linen top. “If you really want all of us in one place at one time, Errshek isn’t the most convincing one to get it done,” Arek said.

Understanding dawned. “Alus,” Saer said.

If anyone could persuade the Daemoenica to gather in one place, it would be the most magnetic of them—Gluttony.

Arek’s cynical smirk served as answer enough.

The twin’s expression renewed his hope that more might follow in their stead. Saer reached a hand forward. “I’m glad you’re here, Areknar.”

Without hesitation, Greed clasped Saer’s forearm and pulled him in for a back-slapping embrace. “I’m not sure if I’m glad yet, but I sure as Hells wasn’t going to miss this firework show.”

Saer scoffed and released the twin, turning towards Envy. “What did you tell him?”

Errshek, trying to balance on one foot as he stepped into the provided pants, cursed as he nearly fell over. He answered Saer with a growl. “I showed up and said, ‘Hey, look, I’m not dead, come find out why.’”

Arek shrugged with one shoulder. “About sums it up.” He paused alongside Saer as they observed the youngest struggling. “Do you want to try sitting to put those on?”

“Shut up.” Errshek grunted and finally got his second foot into the pant legging, pulling them up while shaking his head.

Alus would have a field day with this. He turned his attention to the violet-eyed twin. “I don’t suppose I’ll get a straight answer if I ask what took so long?”

Arek snorted. “We needed to finish our harvest.” He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. “You do know the world doesn’t revolve around you, right?”

“I told you,” Errshek grumbled as he walked by and towards his canopy.

Saer ground his teeth. “You’re both delightful.”

“What did you do to my stuff?” Errshek’s wail came from deeper in the campsite as he observed all the changes Saer made in his absence.

“I needed things to do!” Pride yelled over his shoulder.

“You’re so damned action-oriented!”

Saer huffed under his breath. “Building a small house was next if you two took much longer.”

Smirking, Arek made a motion to the clearing. “Care to give your favorite brother a tour?”

“I will once Alus is here.”

The twin paused to glance sideways at Saer, assessing with a sardonic half-smile. “Still cracking jokes. I’m so proud of you.”

* * *

Showing Arek and Errshek around the clearing didn’t take long. Errshek kept on with his bitter snipes.

The trio ended up next to the lake, awaiting the evening’s usual light show. Errshek sat on the rocky shoreline while Arek absently picked at stones and skipped them across the surface of the water. “The souls we were able to offer Father pleased him well enough to keep from asking where we were off to next. I don’t think he even realized Alus and I split up…sixteen.” The last he called out to declare the number of jumps he’d managed to get out of his stone throw.

A disquieting pang rose in Saer’s chest to hear their creator referred to as ‘Father.’ Even if he’d never used the title, the rest of his kin still saw their maker as such.

He also couldn’t imagine it would change, which made his task all the more challenging.

“I should know better than to enter meaningless competitions with you at this juncture.” Saer tossed his own flat rock in his hand, shaking his head. “Did Alus go to Runeak or Kalia first?” Drawing his arm back, he flicked his wrist.

The stone sank after three skips.

Saer growled and resumed his perusal of the ground for another, more worthy rock.

Arek smirked and put his hands in the linen pants pockets. “Runeak is usually easier to find. Time will tell.” He prodded Errshek’s leg with a toe. “Errshek, you ready to try?”

Envy scowled at Greed. “I suck at skipping rocks.”

“I’m so glad our brother didn’t murder you.”

Errshek sneered but didn’t respond, turning his eyes back to the water just as Saer tossed another stone. This time, it skipped six times before sinking, and he swore with feeling. “Who gets a rock to skip sixteen times?”

“Someone with a lot of practice and patience, Eldest.” Arek’s head tilted to the side, overseeing Saer as he searched for another perfect stone. “When Alus and I saw you, you were Hellsbent on ending Errshek.”

Envy didn’t move, yet his body tensed.

Saer grunted and pretended not to notice Arek’s stare, picking up rocks only to toss them aside, one at a time.

Arek persisted with his patient tone. “You’re not going to explain anything until we’re all gathered, are you?”

“Correct,” Pride answered as he plucked a particularly smooth and flat stone. Holding it between his thumb and forefinger, he shook it for emphasis. “This is the one.”

Errshek scoffed and Arek grinned. “I don’t think Errshek believes you.” Greed closed his lips carefully over his teeth in a subtler smile, adding matter-of-factly, “I don’t either, but I admire how you always believe you’re going to win.”