Chapter 3 - Beyond Compare

‘Andrew! How lovely… Oh, and Polly, isn’t it?’ Rosamund’s mother said, in a voice far cooler than the one she had welcomed Drew with.

‘Holly, actually, Marsha,’ Drew corrected her calmly.

Somehow or other he had taken told of her hand, Holly discovered, and he was now drawing her forward, and tucking her against his side as though she was as precious and delicate as rare porcelain.

It was a comforting feeling, having the warm bulk of him there next to her; it gave her the confidence to return Marsha Jensen’s critical stare.

‘What a very unusual dress,’ the older woman commented. ‘Of course, we’re rather out of touch with London fashions.’

‘Holly’s wearing it especially for me. She knows I love her in red.’

Holly was stunned. She stared at Drew, wondering if she had heard him correctly. When had he got the sophisticated confidence to pay such compliments, and in such a lazily drawling voice that her arms had come out in a rash of goose-bumps… or was that because she could see Howard and Rosamund coming toward them? Yes, of course it was.

‘Drew, darling!’ Rosamund cooed, leaving her new fiance’s side to wrap thin white arms round Drew’s neck and to pull his head down so that she could kiss his mouth.

It was a very long kiss. A kiss which made Holly feel acutely uncomfortable and burningly angry on Drew’s behalf. How dared Rosamund torment him like that, reminding him of what had once been?

Howard had no such embrace for her. He acknowledged her with a warm smile, though, his eyebrows lifting slightly as he studied her dress.

’Red, Holly?’ he said teasingly. ‘You know it isn’t your colour.’

‘On the contrary, I think it suits her,’ Drew contradicted him flatly. ‘And since she’s wearing it for me, and not for you…’

‘Good heavens, Drew darling, what on earth are you trying to say?’ Rosamund interrupted with an acid look at Holly, but before Drew could say a word Jane and Guy joined them, Jane hugging Rosamund and congratulating Howard, and then stepping back to say excitedly, ‘Rosamund, you’ve been keeping me in the dark. You wrote to tell me about you and Howard, but you never said a word about Drew and Holly.’

‘Drew and Holly?’

The sharpness in Rosamund’s voice made it carry, and several other people looked over to them, curious to know what was going on. Everyone went silent, and Holly felt as though the whole room was staring at them. Instinctively she nestled closer to Drew’s side, welcoming the protective comfort of his arm around her.

To her relief, Drew broke the expectant silence, saying calmly, ‘We weren’t going to say anything yet. We didn’t want to spoil your thunder, did we, darling?’

Darling? Holly gulped and looked up at him, and for a moment was so dazzled by the look in his eyes that she could hardly even think, never mind articulate any thoughts.

‘I see. So you’ll be up here permanently from now on, will you, Holly?’ Rosamund questioned coldly. ‘Where will you be staying? Your parents’ house still has tenants, doesn’t it?’

‘She’s staying at the farm with me,’ Drew announced quietly.

Now they really did have everyone’s attention. A dark flush of unattractive colour stained Rosamund’s face. Howard was staring at her as though he had never seen her before, Holly recognised, his eyes both accusing and angry.

‘Good heavens, Holly,’ Rosamund exclaimed brittlely, ‘how very brave of you. I’m afraid I’m a little too old-fashioned for that kind of thing, and to be honest Mummy and Daddy would go spare if I even suggested it. Aren’t you afraid that Drew will change his mind and refuse to marry you?’

To her own astonishment, Holly heard herself saying calmly, ‘The days are gone when a woman needed to barter her virginity in exchange for the sometimes doubtful security of marriage, Rosamund. I think both Drew and I know what we’re doing.’

She looked hesitantly at Drew, her eyes unconsciously pleading with him for help. He gave it promptly, dropping an unexpected kiss on her nose and saying, ‘You’re the one who’s insisting on waiting. If I had my way I’d marry you tomorrow.’

He really was the most amazing actor, Holly mused, seeing the suddenly febrile glitter transform his eyes as he looked at her in a way that made unexpected tingles of sensation race up and down her spine.

Fortunately Rosamund’s mother bustled them away before any further conversation could be exchanged. Once they were out of earshot of everyone else, Drew remarked cheerfully, ‘Well, I think that certainly gave both of them something of a surprise.’ And it was only then that Holly realised that she had been so absorbed in watching Drew that she hadn’t even noticed how Rosamund and Howard had taken their announcement, other than to recognise their obvious shock.

‘Something wrong?’ Drew asked her solicitously, seeing her frown.

‘No, not really.’

‘How about making our way to the buffet, then? I’m starving.’

Half an hour later, sipping champagne and looking round for Drew, who had been waylaid by an older man Holly vaguely recognised as a partner in the local firm of accountants, she saw Jane walking towards her, smiling approvingly at her.

‘I just came over to congratulate you both, and to tell you not to pay any attention to Rosamund’s cattiness.’

‘I suppose it’s only natural that she should feel jealous.’

Jane gave her an odd look, and said hesitantly, ‘Oh, you know about that, do you? I wasn’t sure. Look, Guy and I are having a party later in the month to celebrate moving into our new house. We’d love both of you to come; perhaps I can even pick your brains a little. We haven’t done anything about decorating it yet.’ She pulled a face. ‘There are quite a few interior design places in Chester, but I’m a bit frightened of being swamped by their ideas and the house not reflecting Guy’s and my identity, if you know what I mean.’

‘With a good designer, that won’t happen,’ Holly assured her. ‘But I’ll be only too pleased to advise you if I can. My speciality is decorative paint finishes, rather than the actual designing.’

It was true, but it was also true that Jan had told her she had a flair for the design side of things as well, and she had been encouraging Holly to develop that latent talent, generously sharing with her her own experience and knowledge.

‘Girl talk?’ Drew asked, coming over to join them. Odd how she hadn’t realised how tense she was until she felt him standing behind her; the heat from his body warming hers and easing the tension out of her muscles.

Holly turned to smile at him. ‘Not really. Jane was just inviting us to her housewarming party.’

‘We wouldn’t miss it…would we?’ He reached out and caught hold of her hand, lifting it to his mouth and placing a warm kiss in the vulnerable hollow of her palm, making her tremble and stare at him with bemused eyes.

‘Aha! Still at that stage, are you?’ Jane laughed knowingly. ‘Well, in that case, I’ll leave you to it.’

‘What was that for?’ Holly asked huskily when she had gone. They were surrounded by other people, but she felt as though they were completely alone, isolated from the rest of the world, and she was protected from it by Drew himself.

‘Rosamund and Howard were watching us,’ he told her casually. ‘I thought it was a good opportunity to further our cause.’

Feeling like a complete idiot, Holly blinked and looked away from him. She couldn’t see Howard or Rosamund, had been totally oblivious to everything but the tingling sensation of the kiss Drew had placed against her skin.

‘Has Neston said anything to you yet?’ Drew asked her.

Holly shook her head. ‘Has Rosamund said anything to you?’

‘No.’

The band Rosamund’s parents had hired for the evening had struck up a sentimental waltz, and Rosamund and Howard were dancing.

It was odd watching him dance with someone else, Holly reflected. He looked different somehow—smaller. Of course, Rosamund was much taller than she was, and compared with Drew, Howard looked… Well, he looked insignificant, she realised with a sudden shock.

It wasn’t like watching someone she had loved for almost six years at all. It was like watching a stranger. A self-satisfied, selfish stranger who meant nothing to her at all.

The shock of that realisation made her tense, and Drew, standing beside her, was instantly aware of it. He took her hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly, and although he said nothing Holly felt tears burn her eyes.

Nice, kind Drew. How comforting it was to have him here at her side. Without knowing it she edged closer to him, unaware of the way he looked down at her, or of the glint in his eyes when he saw what Holly had not: that the newly engaged couple dancing together on the other side of the room seemed far more interested in them than in each other.

Other people started to dance, but Holly was relieved when Drew didn’t suggest that they join them. Howard hated dancing with her, he claimed that she had two left feet, but then the band struck up a number which had soared into the pop charts, albeit quite some time ago, but which was instantly recognisable and obviously very popular, and Drew turned to her and said softly, ‘We can’t miss out on this one.’

It was ‘Lady in Red’, and somehow or other, as he drew her on to the dance-floor and the haunting sound of the music swelled round them, Holly found it incredibly easy to simply let Drew take her in his arms and keep her there while they moved in time to the music.

Her body seemed to move in time with his with a floating ease that required no effort or concentration. She was vaguely aware of Rosamund and Howard dancing past them, Rosamund glaring at her with angry eyes, Howard pursing his mouth. He had always had a rather thin mouth, she reflected, not like Drew’s. She looked up at him to study it, and a tiny curl of sensation tensed her stomach.

The music ended far too soon. She could have danced with Drew all night, but they were already being summoned to drink a toast to the newly engaged couple, and it was then, seeing the diamond glittering on Rosamund’s finger, hearing the speech given by her father, that reality crashed in through her barriers and she realised that the man she loved was now committed to someone else.

She turned away and would have left the room if Drew hadn’t stopped her, gripping her arm and forcing her to remain.

The elation generated by their ‘plan’ had carried her through the evening so far, but now it had gone, leaving her feeling flat and drained and miserably aware of how little in terms of social and financial benefits her parents could have given Howard in comparison to Rosamund’s. Hard on the heels of this knowledge was the shocking awareness of the fact that she must have known for a long time that Howard was materialistic, even if she had never admitted it to herself.

‘Not much longer,’ Drew said at her side, ‘and then we’ll be able to leave.’

Holly wanted to ask him if they could leave now, but she forced herself to give him a bright smile and say gaily, ‘So soon? We’ve barely been here five minutes.’

He gave her a long, thoughtful look, and she found it odd that a man who really knew so little about her should be able to regard her with a penetrating intensity that told her there wasn’t a thought in her head he wasn’t aware of, while Howard, who had known her for so long, had often upset her by being totally unaware of what she was thinking or feeling. Was it because Drew cared about people, while Howard didn’t?

She could not allow the traitorous thought room to grow, so she banished it, reminding herself that Howard’s world was different from Drew’s.

Rosamund’s mother came up to talk to Drew, deliberately excluding Holly from the conversation. She wandered away from him, nursing her empty glass of champagne, feeling more alone and betrayed than she had ever imagined she could feel. What was she doing here, pretending to be in love with Drew?

‘Holly! At last… I’ve got to speak to you.’

Howard’s sudden materialisation at her side made her jump. She had wandered into the conservatory, away from the noises of the band and the chatter of the other guests, lured there by the tranquillity and peace.

‘What’s going on?’ Howard demanded abruptly. ‘What’s all this about you and Drew?’

‘I think that’s our business, don’t you?’ she managed to say, holding her head proudly.

‘Oh, come off it; this time fourteen days ago you were telling me that you were desperately in love with me. You begged me not to get engaged to Rosamund.’

‘Howard,’ she protested tearfully, almost sagging with relief when Drew’s familiar voice said from behind,

‘I think you’ve said enough.’

‘Enough? I haven’t even started,’ Howard said angrily. ‘I don’t know what game you two are playing…’

‘It’s no game,’ Drew told him softly, and to Holly’s astonishment Howard was the first one to look away, angry colour burning his skin as Drew held his ground. ‘I love Holly and she loves me, and that’s all you or anyone else needs to know.’

‘Holly?’

She took a deep breath and, looking not at him, but at Drew, as though just by looking at him she could draw strength and courage from him, she said shakily, ‘What Drew says is true, Howard.’

‘I’ve loved her for one hell of a long time,’ Drew lied easily, staggering Holly with his sang-froid. ‘And your loss is most definitely my gain. Only, unlike you, I’m never going to let her go. Come on, darling,’ he said softly to Holly, ‘it’s time to go home.’

He led her firmly away without allowing Howard to say another word.

Holly was so bemused that she couldn’t say a word until they were in the Range Rover and driving away from the ostentatious modern house.

‘It’s not going to work, Drew,’ she said miserably. ‘I should never have suggested it. Of course Howard will never believe I’m in love with you.’

She saw the way his fingers curled tensely on the steering wheel and looked up at him in surprise. Shadows masked his eyes, but she could see the tautness of his jaw. A small muscle flickered there, and a shaft of light showed her the surprising grimness of his expression.

‘Then we’ll just have to find a way to make him, won’t we?’ he said curtly.

She was on the verge of protesting mournfully that there wasn’t much point, that seeing Howard with Rosamund had underlined all too clearly to her how little he had really cared about her—how little he was actually capable of caring about anyone other than himself, she thought honestly—and then she remembered that these weren’t only her feelings and her future involved here. There were Drew’s as well. Instantly contrite, she reached out and covered his hand with her own. So much smaller and frailer, for all that she was used to thinking of it as a very capable and sturdy hand, the nails cut short and neat to facilitate her work, but against Drew’s it looked tiny and very feminine.

‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised huskily. ‘I was being selfish. Rosamund couldn’t take her eyes off us. I think our plan may work where she’s concerned.’

‘But not with Howard?’ Drew questioned.

‘I don’t know,’ Holly admitted honestly. ‘Seeing him tonight…’ She lifted her head and looked at him and admitted with painful honesty, ‘Tonight it was as though I’d never really seen him before. He wants all the advantages that Rosamund’s parents can give them. My parents…’

‘And so you’re resigned to losing him?’

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted in a troubled voice. ‘I don’t know what to think any more.’

And the root cause of her confusion wasn’t so much Howard, but Drew, she recognised helplessly. For some reason, being with Drew had thrown into sharp relief facets of Howard’s personality she had never really acknowledged before—unpleasant and unwanted facets.

‘Are you saying that you’ve changed your mind?’ Drew asked carefully. ‘That you no longer want to go through with our plan?’

She was tempted, but they had made an agreement, and for Drew’s sake they should go on with it. Rosamund had been jealous, Holly acknowledged. She had seen it in the other girl’s eyes on more than one occasion.

‘No, not that. Unless you’ve changed your mind?’

‘No… No, I haven’t done that,’ Drew told her, and she could almost feel the release of tension from his body. Had he been afraid that she would change her mind, that she would back out of their agreement? He must love Rosamund very much, she acknowledged, not knowing why she should find the knowledge so dispiriting. A wave of tiredness engulfed her. It had been a long day, and now all she wanted to do was to sleep. She stifled a yawn and Drew chuckled.

‘You look about sixteen when you do that,’ he told her.

Immediately she flushed. She knew she looked young for her age, that she did not possess the sophisticated gloss of a woman like Rosamund. Howard had often urged her to buy clothes that made her look older, and she had always stoutly defended her right to wear what she felt comfortable in, but all at once she felt very vulnerable and immature.

‘I was thinking,’ Drew told her as he turned the Range Rover into the farmyard, ‘it isn’t just my home that could do with revamping, with a woman’s touch. It’s me, as well.’

Holly stared at him, and saw a thin tinge of red darken his skin. He was embarrassed about asking for her help. Immediately her heart went out to him.

‘You look fine in what you’re wearing tonight,’ she assured him.

‘Yes, but if it hadn’t been for you I’d have gone out in green socks,’ he pointed out to her humorously. ‘Do you think you could take me in hand a little, Holly? Turn me into the sort of man who would appeal to a woman?’

Holly didn’t know what to say. She wanted to reassure him that he already had all the qualities any woman of sense could want, but to do so would be to insult Rosamund, and it was her that he loved.

The Rosamunds of this world liked men as strikingly socially confident as they were themselves. Men like Howard, who spent a fortune on their clothes and enjoyed dressing the part they had cast for themselves. Not men like Drew, who cheerfully wore ancient jeans and old shirts.

‘You mean, help you choose new clothes?’ she asked hesitantly.

‘Yes, that sort of thing. Give me a few tips on the kind of things women like in a man.’

‘It will be expensive,’ she told him shyly, nibbling on her bottom lip, and adding, ‘I know that things haven’t been easy for you, Drew. Moneywise, I mean.’

To her amusement, he laughed. ‘Times change, Holly. I think I can afford to buy a few new clothes. When shall we start? I’ve got a free afternoon on Monday. We could go to Chester.’

‘That sounds fine. I’ll have to check with Jan, though, first, and make sure I can have the time off. Drew, do you mind that people will think…well, that we’re lovers?’ she asked hesitantly.

‘Do you?’ he countered abruptly.

She shook her head, surprised to discover that it was true.

‘It could get back to your parents’ ears,’ he warned her.

‘They’ll understand when I explain to them.’ She stifled another yawn.

‘Come on,’ Drew told her. ‘It’s time you were in bed.’

‘You must be tired too…’

‘Yes,’ he agreed bleakly, and, watching the expression darken his eyes, Holly felt her heart contract with pity for him. This must be so much worse for him than it was for her. Men had their pride, after all; and he would have to go on living here in the same vicinity as Howard and Rosamund, while she could escape back to London and her job.

She caught herself up. What was she thinking? The whole purpose of her staying here, of their plan, was to make sure that Howard and Rosamund didn’t marry.

Holly woke up on Sunday morning with a horrid feeling of foreboding. And then she remembered the engagement party!

She sat up bolt upright in bed. She must have been mad to suggest to Drew that they pretend to have fallen in love in order to make Rosamund and Howard jealous. And Howard hadn’t even believed her!

It said a great deal for how desperately in love with Rosamund Drew must be to even have considered going along with her suggestion, never mind carrying it out with such aplomb. Far more aplomb, in fact, than she had ever visualised.

Rosamund had been jealous. There had been no doubt about that. Well, she had never liked Holly, even when they were at school together. She had come from the wealthiest family in the village, and yet Holly could vividly remember one Christmas being given a much-coveted set of oil paints. Only six of them, because they were very expensive, but within a week Rosamund, who barely knew one end of a paintbrush from another, had arrived at school with twice as many paints as Holly and she had lost no time in showing them off to her small coterie of friends. As a girl she had never been able to endure someone having something she did not, and it seemed that she hadn’t changed—right down to resenting someone being with her cast-off boyfriend. But would her jealousy be sufficient to make her turn from Howard back to Drew?

He must want her back desperately indeed if he was prepared to solicit her own help in revamping his image, Holly reflected.

The thought made her feel unaccountably depressed, and she was still sitting up in bed dwelling on it when Drew knocked on her door and called out cheerily, ‘I hope you’re awake now, sleepyhead.’

He had walked in before Holly could ask him not to, and as she dived for the protection of the bedclothes she saw him looking very amused.

‘What’s wrong?’ he demanded, his grin widening as he studied her indignant expression. ‘Don’t tell me you sleep in the nude?’

She didn’t, and common sense told her that there was nothing remotely revealing about her serviceable cotton nightshirt, and that her modesty was both unnecessary and idiotic, but for some reason it touched a tiny sore place within her that Drew should find it unlikely that she was the kind of sensuously aware woman who enjoyed the eroticism of sleeping with her body bare.

‘I’ve brought you a cup of coffee,’ he added, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge of it, putting the mug on the bedside-table. ‘Sleep all right?’ he queried. ‘You were certainly dead to the world when I looked in on you earlier.’

‘Earlier!’ Holly looked at her watch and protested, ‘It’s only just gone nine now. What time did you get up?’

‘Six,’ Drew told her wryly. ‘Sunday is the cowman’s day off, and I do the milking. Not that we keep a large dairy herd these days. Fortunately I could see where things were heading with the milk quotas, and I switched over to beef and breeding at the right time.’

Forgetting her undressed state, Holly sat up, drawing her knees up to her chest and hugging her arms round them, asking eagerly, ‘What made you do that? Cheshire has always been a milk-producing county…’

‘Oh, this and that. A bit of listening and a lot of reading, and a small helping of intuition.’

‘And that’s why you have the bull. For stock breeding.’

‘Yes. I’ll show you some of his offspring later. That is… if you’re going to stay.’

‘Well, I’ll have to check with Jan.’ She bent her head, so that her hair swung forward, concealing her voice, her voice slightly muffled as she said hesitantly, ‘Drew, what I said last night about making Rosamund and Howard jealous… do you really think it can work?’

He was quiet for so long that she thought he wasn’t going to reply, so the sudden shock of his fingers, brushing her hair back off her face and tilting her chin so that he could look at her, caught her off guard.

She wasn’t used to being touched, she recognised, as her heart started to thud and her nerve-endings relayed to her brain the pleasurable sensation of having Drew’s work-roughened fingers lightly touching the softness of her skin. Howard had never touched her unless it was a prelude to kissing her, and over these last months there hadn’t even been that… just a very few brief, dry kisses, given on his arrival and departure. She, fool that she was, had never even had the wit to recognise his dying sexual interest in her for what it was.

Not, now that she came to think of it, that he had ever evinced much desire for her at all. Her throat suddenly dry, she asked impulsively, ‘Drew, if you loved someone, and they didn’t want to make love, what would you do?’

It had suddenly struck her that there was something very ominous about the fact that Howard had never once suggested a more intimate physical relationship.

Even with her lashes lowered, she could feel the penetrating heat of Drew’s gaze.

‘Well,’ he said evenly, ‘that would depend. First I’d want to know why she was reluctant to make love. If it was because she didn’t desire me, then I think I’d admit defeat and the relationship would end. However, if I thought it was because she was inexperienced, or uncertain—why, then I think I’d probably try to show her that there was nothing to fear.’

‘You wouldn’t just… not do anything, then?’ Holly asked him.

‘I shouldn’t think so. Do you still want me to answer your first question?’

A strange tension seemed to have filled the room, but his prosaic words banished it. Holly drew a faintly shaky breath. Why was it that every word Drew said only seemed to confirm her own growing fear that Howard had never really loved her at all?

He must have read something of what she was thinking in her face because he released her abruptly and said tersely, ‘Neston must be mad. Don’t give up, Holly.’

‘No. No, I won’t,’ she agreed. ‘After all, they aren’t married yet, are they? Oh, Drew, you’re encouraging me to be selfish,’ she exclaimed remorsefully when he went quiet. ‘Here I am moaning on about my feelings, and it’s just as bad for you. You must have hated seeing them together last night.’

‘It’s always painful loving someone who loves someone else,’ he agreed. He got up off the bed. ‘I’ve got a few things to do. Why don’t you get up, make that phone call to your boss, and then I’ll take you out somewhere for lunch?’

‘I thought farmers were far too busy to go out for lunch.’

‘Normally we are, but we managed to get the harvest in early, and the autumn ploughing is well under way. Where do you fancy going? They’ve done up a couple of the local pubs and they serve pretty good lunches, or we could go into Chester and try for the Grosvenor. I’d take you to Rookery Hall, but we’d need to book well in advance.’

‘A pub sounds just fine,’ Holly told him. ‘Or if you like we could stay here. You don’t have to entertain me, Drew. After all, I have rather inflicted myself on you.’

To her astonishment he leaned down and kissed her lightly on her mouth.

‘What was that for?’ she asked him.

‘Just for being you,’ he told her, tugging gently on her hair.

He had kissed her as he might have done a favourite young cousin, she reflected after he had gone, and she couldn’t quite help wondering how he kissed Rosamund. She suspected that well-shaped mouth could do devastating things to a woman’s self-control, and then wondered a little sadly why it was that no man ever seemed remotely tempted to kiss her with the passion she had once naively assumed she would share with Howard, once they were married.