Chapter 25: Elliot - The Foster Child

I go upstairs to my study and pull open the bottom drawer of my desk, feeling for the small brown wallet that I keep there. I take it out, unzip it and pull out the flattened coin. Then I place it side by side with the coin I found in the envelope on the windscreen of my Merc.

My coin, the one from my drawer, is slightly thinner and longer – I noticed that at the time we had them done – but otherwise they’re the same. I drop down on the chair, gazing at the two coins, my mind going back to something I vowed never to think about again. My childhood. Back when I was known as Lee.

I slump further down in my desk chair, my mind hurtling back to the past when I was a bitter, angry youth. My parents were both druggies and had no time for me so I ended up in care by the time I was seven. I can still remember how distraught I was at being taken away from my home. Even though my life was a mess, and my parents barely capable of looking after me, it was my home. All I’d ever known.

I clench my fist around the coin, the feeling of hopelessness and anger I’d felt then still a raw memory.

A succession of foster homes followed, in between stints back at home when my parents managed to get clean, then back into care.

Every time I went back home I hoped that they’d finally cleaned up their act and loved me enough to stay clean, but it never lasted long. Every time I was fostered I hoped that this time it would work out, that my foster parents would grow to love me and want to adopt me. It never did. I was always sent back to the children’s home.

Rocky was the only friend I had there. No one wanted to foster him so whenever I went back he was there. Our birthdays were only three days apart and when we were both thirteen we pledged ourselves to be blood brothers. We made a small cut on our left wrists and mingled our blood to cement our friendship, swore never to be parted from each other.

When our cuts healed they left a red scar, which I still have to this day. I’m sure Rocky does too. I pull up my sleeve and look at the scar now, a reminder of how much we had meant to each other.

My mind goes back to the coin. A few of us at the home were taken to a local attraction one day. It was a bit boring but there was a machine there where you could put a penny in and it would flatten it. Me and Rocky did that. We vowed to always carry the penny with us, it was our bond, we would be blood brothers forever.

Back then we thought that we would never be apart, but it was only a few short years later that our bond was broken for good.

Finally I left the home and went back to live with my parents but after a terrible row I ended up living on the streets with Rocky. We got in with a bad crowd, they were our substitute family, but Rocky was the undisputed leader. He was harder now, with a scar on his cheek and a missing finger on his right hand due to the fights he’d got into. We squatted in a derelict house and got by any way we could, shoplifting, burglary, stealing mobile phones and wallets.

I never hurt anyone, so I told myself it was okay and I was only doing what I had to do to survive. I was hurt and angry with the world. No one had cared about me so why should I care about them? I hung around with Rocky and his mates, glad of their comradeship even though some of the stuff they did was a bit dicey, such as nicking cars and taking them for a joyride. They always returned the cars but would park them in a different place for a laugh, the thought of the owner coming out the next morning perplexed that his car had been moved amused us all. I never nicked a car but I often accompanied Rocky for the ride.

Rocky though, he always had to go a bit further. It was as if he was always looking for the next thrill. He was the one who suggested the midnight races. There was a huge retail park not far from the house we were squatting in. We used to race each other in the middle of the night in stolen cars, see who could go the fastest without overturning the car. It was just a bit of fun.

Until the night we almost killed someone.