Chapter 35: THEN - The Safe Room

Life continued on despite Peter’s release from prison. I put the letter out of my mind, and I went to Edinburgh with Ed. I’d felt distracted for the first day, and Ed seemed out of sorts too. We found it hard to make decisions on where we ate or which landmark to see. But then, as the sun began to set, he bent down on one knee outside Edinburgh Castle and produced a beautiful diamond ring.

“Be with me always?” he asked.

When I wrapped my arms around his neck, teary and overcome with joy, a smattering of applause sounded out from the tourists behind us. It was the happiest moment of my life. I took a photo of the sun going down behind Edinburgh Castle hoping to remember the moment forever.

After that, we didn’t care where we ate lunch or what we did. A cocoon wrapped around us, one of pure joy.

When we came back to York, I almost forgot about the letter. Of course, I could have handed it in to the police and started building a case against Peter again. Perhaps they would be able to find his fingerprints on the envelope, trace it back to him. But deep down I knew none of that would happen. I burned it.

Soon after the engagement, I graduated university and Mum and Dad finally met Ed. We went to a modest Chinese restaurant after the service, and I smiled and laughed all the way through the day even though Honey not turning up put a dark cloud over everything. Mum didn’t give much of an explanation, only that she had to work. I tried texting her and got a generic congratulations back from her.

Every now and then, something strange would happen in my life. One month I was signed up to the Modern Railway Journal. It was him. I knew it was. I told the police but because it was so different to Peter’s usual methods, they dismissed it as a misunderstanding. Someone had used my name by mistake. Or maybe it was a friend being silly.

As these strange things occurred, I regretted not keeping the letter.

Ed’s wallet went missing a few weeks after the magazine subscription. He thought he’d lost it in the city, but at the back of my mind, I thought it might be Peter. Did he pickpocket my fiancé? I didn’t mention it to the police because I thought they might think I was crazy at this point. A magazine subscription and a missing wallet, it wasn’t exactly threatening. At least not on paper. But it worked to keep me on edge.

I once came home to a box of dog food on the doorstep. Another time I heard one of the songs from his old mix CD playing in the distance when I walked down the street. One day I came home and found a bottle of honey on the wall outside our new flat.

I immediately texted my sister. Found this outside our flat. It could be him. He’s messing with us as always but be careful.

I let myself in and stood by the door listening. It was my new ritual, spending at least thirty seconds making sure there was no one else in the flat. Silence. I locked the door and walked into the living room.

My phone pinged and I almost jumped out of my skin. But it was just Honey replying to me. It was the quickest she’d responded in ages. My heart soared.

What a loser. Stay safe, sis xx

Always. Missed you at my graduation.

I waited, expecting that to be the end of the conversation.

Yeah, sorry, I’m a bad sister.

I slumped down on the sofa. This was the most we’d spoken in a while. I didn’t want it to end, but I didn’t know what to say to make things right.

You’re not. Things are just complicated. Miss you though!

I stared at my phone, willing for it to vibrate with her response.

Miss you too little sis xx

I decided it was now or never, so I typed, Want to be my maid of honour?

Nothing.

I sat there staring at my phone for several minutes, but the dots never danced. Pissed off, I threw the phone onto the sofa and went to make a cup of tea. I’d pushed too far. I saw that now. She was opening up but I made it weird.

Ed came home and we cooked fajitas together. I was working at the university admissions office as a temp at the time. I’d needed a job and it was one bus ride away. Ed’s position at the law firm had just become permanent and we were starting to feel stable.

“You’re quiet tonight,” he remarked.

“I found a bottle of honey at the end of the drive.”

He frowned. “What? Did someone leave it there? After they were unloading their shopping, maybe?”

“I don’t know. I chucked it in the bin.”

He placed his fork down on the plate. “Oh, you think it was him.”

“It’s not that.” I waved a hand. “Okay, it is sort of. I think it was him. But I sent Honey a message because it could be some horrible, veiled threat.” I shivered. “And I asked Honey to be my maid of honour.”

His eyebrows shot up. “That’s great!”

“She hasn’t replied.”

Ed reached across the table to take my hand. “She’s probably not with her phone or something.”

I shook my head. “She was replying right away before I asked.”

“Maybe she’s thinking about it,” he said. “I know you love her, and that things are complicated between the two of you, but I wouldn’t be surprised if…” He trailed off, as though avoiding a tough subject.

“What?”

“I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt guilty about everything.”

“Why should Honey feel guilty? I’m the one who attracted that weirdo.”

“And maybe she blames you for that,” he said. “Which is why she feels guilty. She kind of cut you out, Amber, and for no fault of your own. It’s her own loyalty that leaves a lot to be desired.”

I gawped at him, surprised to hear him criticising anyone, let alone my sister. I bristled at first, but only because there was truth to his words.

“She’s loyal,” I said. “She pretends she’s tough, but she’s not really.” I pictured her with the knife, running at Peter. “It really, really scared her, that whole thing. In some ways I think it traumatised her more than me.”

“No way.” Ed shook his head. “You’ve been through hell.”

“My whole family has,” I said quietly.

I lost my appetite after that. I wanted to call Honey, to hear her voice. Missing her hurt me, physically. But I didn’t.

We settled in for the night, choosing an inoffensive sitcom to binge watch. I leaned against my fiancé and almost drifted to sleep. Then my phone vibrated again.

I’ll do it. But only if the best man is hot.

I smiled to myself. She was coming back to me.