Chapter 7: THEN - The Safe Room

Peter dropped me off at the park and I remember walking over to a bench, my body slick with sweat, and my knees almost buckling beneath me as I sat. Every fifteen-year-old girl has a wolf inside her eager to eat up excitement. Adventures are experiences and experiences mean growing up, which is all we want to do. We want to be adults. We want to be taken seriously.

But the wolf whimpered and backed away. I was just a scared little girl who knew she’d met someone bad. I was lucky to understand that. Not everyone recognises it when they meet someone bad. It took me an hour of being alone with Peter in his car, but I knew. If he’d hidden it just a little better, then things might have turned out differently.

I got up to walk home. Every step made my denim shorts bunch and chafe. What was I thinking, wearing this outfit? Why had I applied so much make-up? Now it was sliding off my face under the hot sun. I glanced around, convinced people were staring, and noticed Peter’s car parked further down the street near the park. I narrowed my eyes, confused. Hadn’t he driven away when I got out? Did he come back for some reason?

I picked up the pace, a sick sensation burgeoning in the pit of my stomach. Peter had dropped me off and pretended to drive away. Then he had doubled back and chosen a spot from which he could watch me.

Every hair on my body prickled as I hurried towards home. I felt his eyeballs on me as I continued up the hill. What a weird thing to do. He could have dropped me off at home or walked with me if he was worried about me getting back safe. But why would he even be worried? It was mid-afternoon and the sun was bright overhead. I lived ten minutes from the park, if that.

He wanted to watch me.

I panted, almost out of breath, and close to running. Sweat poured down my back. If Mum saw me now, she’d tell me what a state I looked, but she wasn’t here. I was alone, and I wanted to cry. I felt so stupid. I’d done something really dangerous. Dad would yell at me if he knew I’d gone out with a boy old enough to vote. And in his car. And we went out into the middle of nowhere. Peter could have raped me. Now that I’m older I understand that Peter probably wanted to rape me that day. Perhaps if I’d played along a little longer, let him kiss me on the lips, he might have continued on, pinning me down in the seat, pulling off my shorts. But I didn’t, which meant he’d have to initiate the attack from the very start, and I guess there was enough humanity buried somewhere inside for him to find that odorous.

I’d never been so relieved to see the front door. I fumbled with the keys, almost dropping them on the front step, then burst in, tripping on the doormat. I kicked off my trainers, locked the door, hurried into the living room and checked the window.

It was still there, parked two streets away. Peter’s car hadn’t moved. I scanned the streets in case he’d left the vehicle and was following me on foot.

“What are you doing?”

The scream burst from me when I spun around and Honey ducked like a missile was heading towards the house.

“Christ on a bike, Amber!” she yelled. “What the actual fuck?”

I slumped down onto the sofa. “Sorry.”

Honey moved closer and her wide-eyed expression became a frown. I saw her take in my appearance, the sweat, the smudged make-up and trembling knees.

“What’s going on? Are you scared of something?”

I shook my head. “I’m fine.”

Honey thumped me on the shoulder. “Don’t lie to me! I hate it when you lie.”

I burst into tears after the shoulder thump, not because it hurt but because I didn’t want to lie to Honey. As much as she pissed me off, I never lied to her about something that mattered. But I also didn’t want to tell her what happened because then I’d have to admit how stupid I’d been.

“Okay, stop playing, because I didn’t even hit you that hard.”

I hardly heard her through my sobs but sensed her standing awkwardly over me as I held my head in my hands.

“Seriously. What’s going on?”

The sofa shifted as she sat down next to me. But I still couldn’t speak.

“You’re freaking me out, Amber. What happened?”

Finally, with one hand on the same shoulder she punched, she sat awkwardly beside me, trying to comfort me. When I heard her sniff, and knew she was crying too, I finally managed to stop.

“I did something really stupid,” I said.

“It can’t be that stupid. You’re the sensible one, remember?” She tried to smile but it was tinged with sadness and confusion. She wiped her grey eyes. “Can’t believe I’m crying. I don’t even know what you did yet.”

“I met up with Peter Harlow,” I said.

“Is that it?” She let out a long breath. “So?”

I bristled. “So, I went out with him in his car and… and it was weird. He tried to kiss me.”

“Oh,” she said, quieter now. “Oh. He’s too old for you.”

“I know.”

“Did he hurt you?”

I shook my head. “It was just weird. I was scared.”

“Why were you scared?” she asked, gently.

I didn’t answer her, I got up and walked back to the window, eyes scanning the horizon. The car was still there. Was he watching me? Could he see me from his car?

“Amber, why were you scared?”

I didn’t turn around when Honey approached, I just pointed towards the car. “That’s him.”

“What?”

“He’s parked there.”

She leaned closer to the window, squinting, then turned to me. “Why? Does he know someone on that street?”

“I don’t think so. I think he’s just watching me.”

My phone buzzed and I snatched it up from the sofa. There was a text waiting for me from Peter.

Missin U already xxxx

I showed it to Honey and she recoiled.

“I think we need to tell Mum and Dad about this. It’s kinda weird.”

I opened my mouth to speak but another message popped up.

RU thinkin about me?

I’m thinkin about U. UR so beautiful Amber.

Such a good girl.

Xxxxx

I dropped the phone to the floor and snatched the curtains closed.