Chapter 20: KYENNA - A Street King's Widow

Morning came too fast. For a minute, I just laid there staring at the ceiling like I could somehow convince myself that last night didn’t happen. Then I rolled over, saw the damn empty spot, and everything came back to me. The shit definitely happened.”

“Fuck me!” I said, pulling the covers over my head.

This was worse than the damn first kiss. I couldn’t use I was drunk or grieving this time. Really, what kind of excuse could I come up with? I knew exactly what was going on and I knew how it made me feel. I threw the cover off and sat up. Guilt was going to be on my ass today. I got out of bed and walked straight into the bathroom to get myself ready for the day. I stayed in the shower a little longer than I had planned to. There wasn’t enough soap on earth to wash the memory of Shameek away. I could still feel the way his beard rubbed against my thighs. The way he looked up at me like he had something to prove as he ate me out.

When Shameek admitted to me that he had been thinking about the kiss since my anniversary, fucked my head up. He had me thinking he hated me. I spent all this time telling myself the first kiss meant nothing to him because he left so fast afterwards. I figured he was embarrassed for me. Shit, maybe even disgusted. Meanwhile, his ass had been carrying it around just like me. My phone started ringing from the bedroom while I was putting my makeup on. I had a feeling I knew who it was, so I ignored it. It had rung about four more times by the time I finished the curls in my hair. All of them were from Shameek.

Shameek: You up

Shameek: Ky answer the phone. We not doin’ this shit.

I hated when he called me Ky. He said it the same way that Rah used to say it. I just stared at his name before throwing my phone on the bed. What was I supposed to say to him? Thank you for eating my pussy last night. Or maybe Thanks for the amazing night. Or better yet, sorry your mama almost caught us. Like, let’s be for real. We knew this shit wasn’t going to work out. I grabbed my body oil and started getting dressed for work even though I hadn’t planned on going in until later. Royal Flush was the only place I knew how to disappear, without technically disappearing. If I stayed home, Shameek would eventually pop his ass up. At least at Flush there were employees, managers and security, so I wouldn’t have to be alone with him. My phone started going off again. This time it was Jaharee. I almost didn’t answer because I wasn’t ready for anybody’s voice, but if I ignored her, she would bring her ass over too.

“Hey.”

“Why do you sound like you’re tired?”

“Because I am. Unlike some people, I stayed at the event long enough for my feet to hurt in those damn shoes.”

“You left before me, so don’t start lying this early in the morning. I saw you slide out talking about a headache. I was calling to make sure you were feeling better.”

I sat at my vanity and stared at myself in the mirror.

“I’m good. I think I was just overwhelmed with everything yesterday. The foundation event was beautiful, but having Rah’s face on those screens, and everyone coming up talking about him, eventually got to be a lot. I needed to get home and get out of those clothes.”

That wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Well, I’m glad you came because mama was worried you were going to try and back out like Averie.”

“Nah, I don’t need her grilling me.”

“Right.” She laughed. “You want to grab lunch tomorrow? Just girl talk.”

“That sounds good. Call me tomorrow, and we’ll figure something out.”

“Bet, love you.”

“Love you too.”

As soon as I hung up with Jaharee, Shameek was calling again. This time I answered because I knew ignoring him all morning was only going to make his ass worse.

“What, Meek?”

“You been watchin’ that phone ring all damn mornin’ and now you finally decide to answer. Before you start wit’ the bullshit, I’m not callin’ to argue wit’ you. I need to kno’ where yo’ head at after last night, because you were damn near havin’ a nervous breakdown when I left.”

“I was not having a nervous breakdown. I was processing the fact that I had my husband’s brother’s face between my legs less than a year after burying him. I think I’m allowed to be a little fucked up about that without you calling it a nervous breakdown.”

“You makin’ it seem like I snuck in that bitch and forced you. I’m tryin’ to stop you from rewriting the shit because you woke up scared this mornin’.”

“I know exactly what happened, and that’s why I need some space from you. You walked out of here feeling good about what happened. Congratulations, but I didn’t. I woke up looking at Rah’s picture feeling like the worst woman in the world. So, forgive me if I don’t want to sit on the phone with you reminiscing about it.”

Shameek was quiet for a few seconds before he answered.

“I ain’t ask you once to reminisce. And I damn sure ain’t tellin’ you how to grieve my brother. What I’m sayin’ is don’t put all this guilt on yourself like you did something to Rah by feelin’ somethin’ after he died. You loved that nigga. Everybody in this family knows that. I kno’ better than most because I watched the shit. But you’re still here. That’s the fuckin’ part you keep actin’ like you supposed to apologize for.”

I stopped in my tracks because he was speaking fact.

“You don’t think I understand whose house I was in last night? I just don’t feel the same guilt you got ‘cause I ain’t lookin’ at it like we did somethin’ to Rah. My brother ain’t here, Kyenna. I wish like hell he was, but the nigga ain’t. Me feelin’ somethin’ for you didn’t put him in that grave.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Aight. But one thing I’m not lettin’ you do is hide from me. We grown as fuck. If you decide what happened can never happen again, tell me that when you actually mean the shit. Don’t wake up panickin’ and make the decision for the both of us.”

“Shameek, I need time.”

“I’m givin’ you that.”

I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

“And stop calling my security, telling them what I can and cannot do. Last night you threatened him with a gun for doing his damn job. You cannot be the reason I have security and the reason I need it.”

“I wasn’t gonna shoot that nigga, man.”

“You’re missing the point.”

“I hear you. I was trippin’.”

“Thank you.”

“Aight, go handle yo’ day. I got business anyway.”

“Okay.”

“And Ky.” He stopped me from hanging up.

I closed my eyes. “What now?”

“I meant what I told you last night. I ain’t sorry.”

Before I could answer, he hung up.

“This nigga.”

By noon, I was sitting behind my desk at Royal Flush pretending I had something important to do. There was absolutely no reason for me to be here. My managers had already handled the morning numbers, and everything else was done as well. The weekend schedule had been finalized two days ago. Because I hired competent people. I didn’t have to sit behind this desk seven days a week. I had only come because I needed somewhere to put my mind, and there wasn’t enough work today to occupy it. I picked up my phone and saw a message from Lloyd.

Lloyd: I enjoyed your company last night. I hope you got home without any trouble.

Lloyd represented everything that should’ve made sense. He was educated, established, mature, and respectful. There were no secrets when it came to how he made his money. I could introduce him to anybody without explaining anything. He never made me feel uncomfortable. Shameek had damn near dragged me into a private room because Lloyd was dancing with me. One man was peaceful and the other one had chaos attached to him. And my dumb ass was thinking about the chaotic one.

Me: I did. Thank you and I enjoyed myself too.

I didn’t owe Lloyd a relationship because he was a good man. I also didn’t owe Shameek any more of my time. I needed to sit with myself to get myself together without either of them bothering me.

I pulled up to the restaurant that Jaharee had sent me. When I walked inside, she was sitting in a booth with a mimosa in front of her and her phone in her hand.

“You bitch. You started without me?”

“’Cause you late,” she said.

“Heifer, you don’t know anything about a grace period? You invited me out. You’re just dramatic as hell.” I laughed.

“In my mind, if my ass hit the seat and you’re not here, then you’re late.”

The waitress came over and took my drink order and I ordered some appetizers. When Jaharee ordered more, I knew we were going to be here for a while.

“You can go ahead and get it out,” I told her. “You’ve been looking at me funny since I sat my ass down and I’m not waiting the whole lunch on your foolishness.”

“It’s not foolishness. I was actually thinking about the event. I’m proud that you let yourself have a good time. I saw you laughing and talking to people without that business face you be having. It was nice just seeing my girl Ky show up last night.”

I frowned. “Why does that sound a little too sweet coming from you? What’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one. Well, I lied,” she said. “I did think you and Lloyd looked good as fuck last night.”

I immediately shook my head.

“And there it is. Y’all really took one dinner and turned it into something way bigger than it was.”

“Who the hell is y’all?”

“You and your brother. Shameek has been on this weird ‘Lloyd’ campaign for a minute now, and I don’t understand why. Nobody went home with anybody and there was no secret relationship created over steak.”

Jaharee slowly put her glass down.

“Hold on, bitch, because you skipped over something. What did Shameek have to say about Lloyd? I knew something was off with him last night, but I didn’t know his ass had already been bothering you about the man.”

“He thinks Lloyd is around too much. First, it turned into him questioning Lloyd himself, which embarrassed the hell out of me. Then, it was about safety and how we don’t know who was involved with Rah’s murder. I had to tell him I was grown enough to decide who I’m comfortable around.”

Jaharee laughed before taking a bite of calamari. “That actually explains a lot. I caught his ass watching y’all at the event last night. I don’t mean some casual glances either. Lloyd had touched you, and Shameek looked like he wanted to walk across that ballroom and personally remove that nigga out of your space.”

I waved her off as the waitress sat my drink and appetizers down.

“Shameek is always somewhere looking mad.”

“Nah, Kyenna. I have known that man my entire life. I know the difference between his regular ‘these niggas getting on my nerves’ face and when something is actually bothering him.”

I picked up my strawberry lemon drop and took a sip because I didn’t want her studying my face too closely.

“He thinks he’s protecting me. Ever since everything happened, Shameek has gotten it in his head that I’m another responsibility he inherited.”

Jaharee nodded, but I can tell she wasn’t buying it. I was trying to sell the fucking lies that were falling off my lips.

“That could be part of it. Meek has always been protective as hell when it comes to family. Now he’s trying to cover every spot Rah used to cover, too. I can see him being overbearing because he thinks he’s keeping you safe. What I can’t explain is, why his ass looked ready to end Lloyd’s life over a dance?”

“I think you and Shameek are making too much out of nothing.”

“I ain’t making shit out of anything. You and Lloyd looked good together, and my brother hated that shit. Whatever that means is between y’all. I’m just the innocent little sister who happened to have eyes.”

“Innocent?” I laughed.

“Oh, bitch, don’t ruin my image.”

That was my way of getting the pressure off me. Jaharee started telling me about some man who had been in her messages for months.

“So, he sends you a fire emoji on every picture and never respond?”

“Chile, I accidentally hearted one of his messages on a drunk night. He been good morning my ass every day since.”

“Gave that man hope for nothing.”

“That nigga will heal. But can I tell you something else I noticed last night? It just hit me.”

My stomach dropped, so I picked up my glass and downed the rest of my drink.

“I asked Lloyd where you had disappeared to, and he said you went to the bathroom. Around that same time, Nikki asked me if I seen Meek. I didn’t think anything of the shit. But as soon as you texted me you were leaving, Meek ass reappeared holding hands with Nikki. I figured he had cornered your ass about Lloyd and ruined your night.”

“He did,” I lied.

“He needs to learn how to mind his business.”

Thankfully, Jaharee moved on without noticing how uncomfortable she had made me. When the waitress placed the check down, Jaharee snatched it before I could.

“Don’t even try it. I invited you, so I’m paying.”

As we waited on our cars, Jaharee hugged me.

“I’m so glad Rah married you. I always wanted a sister that was on my level. Averie just wasn’t it.”

“Bye, Jaharee.”

She walked off laughing. I climbed in my car and shut the door. I had no idea that Nikki was looking for Shameek. Did she catch us? Better yet, Jaharee said they walked back in the venue holding hands. Why was he blowing my phone and shit up about his feelings when he had a whole woman? The next time we talked, I was going to check him about it and leave it where it is. He can’t be jealous of the friendship I had with Lloyd, and he had someone to go fuck off on.