Chapter 4: Astoria - Bound to Ruin

“Luckily, they found nothing in their search, and Jinx didn’t eat anyone. So now we just have… the body to deal with.”

I finish catching Lucas up on everything that happened upstairs, that the Magistrate think I’ve been visited by a “powerful weaver”, careful to exclude Vincentius’ name. I can’t look at Lucas, the guilt for not telling him who the body really is weighing nearly as heavy as the fear of him knowing. From the corner of my eye, I see him nod solemnly, and silence descends upon us. We stand side by side within my basement, staring straight ahead at the skinned body of a man who used to be as dear to me as a father. Lucas’ orb glows with his magic, preserving Vincentius’ remains while we decide our next move.

My shoulders pull up tight and my hand presses against my lips. A tick, tick, tick begins to echo within my mind. We just escaped one catastrophe and barely came out alive. This newest one so soon is…

My vision flashes with images of my beloved aunt, crucified and preserved to torment me by my father, and my knees buckle. Lucas flinches towards me, but I catch myself. My voice quavers, “I’m okay.”

“Tor.” His nickname for me drips heavily with concern, but I brush it off. “Who were they looking for?”

I swallow. I don’t think I can keep this from him. He already believes I killed the man in a surge of corruption. Concealing information further will only make me appear guilty. Besides, if the officers return, when the officers return, Lucas will find out.

My eyes burn and my throat tightens. Every instinct tells me to keep quiet, to let him believe what he wants as long as it serves my purposes. But what is the point anymore? So he doesn’t leave me? He’s seen what I’ve done to Alasdair and he didn’t abandon me to the Order.

I can trust him. I do trust him. It just hurts to speak the words. “They were looking for Vincentius.”

His brows shoot up and he turns sharply to look at me. “Vincentius? As in Valen’s dad? Or are we extremely lucky and there’s another Vincentius walking around the Astrum Forest?”

“There’s only one.” My voice cracks, and I press my hand to my trembling lips. My breathing threatens to turn into puffs of building terror. Four words echo in my mind, louder and louder. Did I do this?

Lucas’ hand slides along my lower back and I gasp, blinking rapidly. His brown eyes are so warm, so caring when he says, “It’s okay to have complex feelings, Tor.”

I cross my arms. “I don’t want to have complex feelings.”

A laugh bursts from Lucas, and he seals his lips when I shoot him a glare. His hand on my back slides to my hip and he draws me into his warmth. “Sorry. That was just the most typical response you could give.”

Despite my glare, some of the sharpness of the swirling emotions within me dulls. I lean into Lucas, and the illusion of Aster dispels in a soft ripple. The sound of his breath fills my ears, and slowly, the words mumble past my lips. “There’s something wrong with me, Lucas. I am an Archweaver Heir. My threads are woven to the Archweaver chain, but I’m woven… differently. I’ve got no one to train me and no clue where to start. I just don’t understand what’s happening to me.”

Antonia’s words while weaving my Dual Threads with her own haunt me. Magic doesn’t make mistakes.

I close my eyes and breathe slowly, forcing myself to relive the horrible moment of discovering the body, trying to feel certain that the gory crime wasn’t something I’d committed. Lucas’ orb is keeping the smell of dead flesh at bay, and I am grateful for that. I don’t think I could keep my bile down otherwise.

Lucas’ arms tighten around me, the only hint he gives that he’s bracing for impact when he says, “Okay, if you say you didn’t do this, then I believe you.”

My body stiffens. I know he’s not finished speaking.

“But…” He sighs, glancing at the body before saying gently, “But it means you’re being framed.”

I nod, grasping onto Lucas’ explanation like it’s a lifeline. “It has to be Dimitar. We need to figure out what he plans next before the Magistrate becomes too involved. I’d rather not be chased out of the city.”

Lucas frowns, his brows furrowed. “There’s no way it was just a coincidence that they think the body belongs to a weaver.”

I’m too lost in my own misery. My heart thuds, my vision blurring until the image of Lucas pinned to the estate’s main entry doors by Valen is all I can see. My father threatening his life echoes in my ears. Then there’s Vincentius’ betrayal. Again. He knew about Viola, didn’t save her when it was clear that my father was going to execute her. No wonder Rossana, Viola’s best friend, left Vincentius. I wish I could talk to Valen’s mother, maybe hold her delicate hands and grieve together. But she might blame me for everything. After all, Viola wouldn’t be dead if I didn’t curse Alasdair and flee to begin with.

Oh fuck, I can’t think of this. The guilt is too much. I rub my eyes. My head throbs, and this time, it’s from exhaustion.

Lucas is studying the body, his brows tight as he puzzles something. My heart pounds when he says, “How can we find out if it’s really Vincentius? I wouldn’t put it past Dimitar to lie about it as part of his trap.”

“It’s him.” My lips press together. Shit, I shouldn’t have said that. He’ll want to know what makes me so sure, and I’m not ready to face everything yet. The exhaustion and stress are getting to me. Sweat coats me after my mistake.

“Something you want to tell me, Tor?”

I flinch and knock out of his hold when my guilt surges. “Why do you always assume I’m lying?”

“Because you don’t view omitting details as lying.”

My jaw drops. “Excuse me? What?” I scoff, arms crossing tightly over my chest. “I finally sleep with you and suddenly you’re accusing me of all sorts⁠—”

His huffed laugh interrupts me, and he hooks his arm around my middle. I’m dragged back into his hold and he rests his chin on my head. “If anything, I’m being incredibly lenient with you. Despite the skinned body, almost being spit roasted by you, and everything else that’s happened tonight, I’m still incredibly, insatiably, in love with you and don’t want to argue. I just can’t help you if I don’t know the truth.”

His hold is firm, but his body is relaxed. I swallow the tightness in my throat down and ask, “Even if I…” I can’t bring myself to say it.

“Even if you skinned this guy. Even if it is Vincentius. Besides, this wouldn’t be your most brutal killing. It’s in the top five, maybe even three, but definitely not the top spot.”

I snort, a smile tugging at my tight lips. “How can you love me so much?”

“How could I not? You’re smart, clever, and a complete bitch in the best way.” I can’t help it; I laugh, and he kisses my hair. “You’re my sweet Torment. There’s nothing you could do that would make me stop loving you.”

“But what if I become a rotting madwoman that sets you aflame?” My voice is cracked and small, my shoulders curling in.

His hands shift, cupping my chin and tilting my face up so I have no choice but to gaze into his warm, honey eyes. He smiles and it’s so beautiful that it melts a little of the tightness in my chest. “Then I’ll burn in your arms.”

My lip trembles. “I don’t want you to burn.”

His eyes sparkle. “Good.”

He kisses me, slow and soft. My breath shudders and I go limp against him, his hands holding me softly, his lips still tilted in a smile. It’s addicting and warm and everything I need. I hum softly into it, my arms wrapping around his neck. Our noses brush.

His lips tickle mine when he says, “We need to summon Valen.”

My heart drops like a stone into my gut and my eyes snap open. “Do you think Dimitar has him?”

Lucas stills, pausing before answering, “No. If you’re right and Dimitar killed Vincentius, then he would’ve left something to let you know he has Valen. That’s more his style.”

My shoulders sag with my sigh, my head tilting back. “Thank all the nonexistent arachnid gods for that small mercy. You’re right. The Order would’ve done the same thing.”

A little thought jolts through me. Valen left yesterday because he was going to help his father with the Transformation Domain’s alliance. Luciana’s family domain. If my stepmother did this, I’ll make this body look like the most respectful, dignified death that ever was.

But if Valen is fine… and he’s looking for his father… and he needs to inherit the Bauer family ring…

There’s a pressure building within me, like a storm sending waves crashing against a dam. Too much has happened. Too much to deal with and face. It’s all just too much.

With a squeeze of my eyes, I give in to the temptation to slip back into my old ways in hopes of easing this unbearable pressure. “You’re right. Telling Valen is the right thing to do. I’ll reach out once we confirm the body’s identity.”

There’s a stillness in Lucas that has me bracing. I need my lie to be convincing, but his tone is a lot less understanding. “And when will that be?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never used magic to identify a body before, but if we work together, we can manually go through the stacks in a few days to find a spell.” Withholding the truth turns my stomach, but I can’t seem to stop.

“A few days…”

Lucas’ skeptical tone pitches mine higher when I ask in a defensive gasp, “What?”

“Avoiding the situation isn’t going to make this better. Valen has to know.”

“You’re right. He does.”

“Now, Tor. Contact him now.”

“Absolutely not.”

Lucas glowers and I cut him off quickly, stepping out of his hold to face him. “Think about this. There’s a mystery dead body. My wards aren’t working right. The Magistrate appeared looking for Vincentius, a powerful political figure in the Order. If I can trust myself, there was someone in the bookstore without my knowledge. There’s something deeper going on. This very well could be a trap for us all. It would be stupid to summon Valen to identify a body that probably isn’t even his father and drag him back into this mess. Valen could easily be framed for this as well. It wouldn’t be the first time a head of a family is conveniently taken out for the next in line to take power. The Magistrate is watching us, Lucas. Valen needs to stay far away from us until we get to the bottom of this. This whole thing reeks of Dimitar’s slimy, backhanded methods. Let’s not make it easier for him to hurt us all.”

He’s unconvinced and shakes his head. “No, Tor. This is you avoiding a potentially difficult confrontation with Valen. He left us both. He made his choice, and it hurts. You at least got a face-to-face breakup. I got a shit letter.”

I flinch back, jaw dropping indignantly when his words strike too close to the truth I’m avoiding. “That has nothing to do with this!”

Lucas sighs and takes off his flat cap to rake his long hair back before continuing in a gentler tone. “Look, Tor. I’m agreeing with you on this, even if you’re lying about your motives, but it means that this issue is bigger than us. If Dimitar and the Magistrate are involved and messing with Order business, then we’re going to need help. We can’t go up against them alone.”

My gaze drops to the floor as his logic sinks in.

He shifts closer. “Isn’t the easiest way to figure out if this is Vincentius is to contact Valen to confirm his father is missing? For all we know, they’re plotting in that fancy ass office of his for the Archweaver’s downfall and we’re in an unrelated trap that is closing on us by the second. The faster we confirm if this is or isn’t Vincentius, the faster we can do what you need to figure out who is behind this and get rid of the body.”

He’s right, even if he doesn’t know everything that I do. My stomach clenches and I close my eyes briefly.

Lucas continues in a gentler tone, “If the officers aren’t lying and this is Vincentius, then Valen could be killed next. I’m mad at him too, but I don’t want to see his skinned body on the shop floor.”

My heart pounds, and sweat trickles down my spine. I tighten my arms around myself. “Valen will be fine. He’s powerful.”

“More powerful than his father?”

For the love of the nonexistent arachnid gods, why does Lucas have to be like this tonight? Why can’t he just see it my way and drop it until a later date when I’m not so twisted up inside? I’ve made such logical arguments that he should just accept so we can move on, but he’s so damn insistent on poking holes in them.

My lip trembles, and I try to step away, but Lucas follows me. My eyes burn and I shake my head. I’m so tired of crying. I’m so tired of feeling. And this wave he’s triggered, the fear that hit me when he wasn’t there, the intruder in my home.

I hate this. All of this. It should’ve been a night of mind-numbing sex with no more horrors or complications to deal with. Now my brain is practically vibrating from the overwhelming shock of it all.

What I wouldn’t give to have Valen here if it didn’t mean him possibly murdering me. But there is no way he won’t think I’m responsible for his father’s death. I need to know if it was me and face the terrifying truth of what that means for my sanity… and how long I have left before I wake up to Lucas’ dead body in my bed with his blood coating my hands.

Cold shivers down me, and I clutch my blood-crusted robe. Lucas is right; we can’t do this on our own, and not just because of the complicated mess. I need Valen. His cold, calculating observation could cut to the root of my corruption. He could help me figure out if there’s still a chance to save me while focusing this storm within my mind. I need him to take control of the situation so that I can have a moment of rest.

But Valen isn’t here. He left me. He chose the Order over me again. Perhaps he is safer there… but what if he’s really in danger, and I never see him again? Oh fuck, my eyes are burning, my heart aching. I wasn’t ever supposed to feel this way again, and yet here I am. Ruined by Valentin Bauer the Sixth and worried sick for him.

I swallow and try to stomp down all this noise within my mind.

Lucas gently touches my jaw and tilts my head up. The sincerity of his warm eyes, the glistening emotion, are my undoing when he says softly, “Talk to me, Tor.”

A pain within my chest builds, a wound that I don’t want to look at. But I let it rise until it blooms to a fully realized thought, my voice a soft whisper when I confess, “I thought you were dead, Lucas. I was all alone with an intruder in the shop and I can’t… I can’t talk about this anymore. I’m just so tired.”

He nods, stroking me softly. “I’m so sorry, Tor. You needed me tonight, and I wasn’t there.”

The tears spill as his words slice me deep to the core of this festering wound. “I was so scared.”

“I would’ve been, too.”

“I’m tired of fighting. I’m just… tired.”

“Then let’s stop. Nothing else needs to be handled tonight. Come on, let me take you to bed.”

He’s so damn kind to me even when I don’t deserve it. It breaks this tension in me and floods out to leave behind one last aching pressure that I give in to.

I draw him into a kiss, my heart pulsing in aching slow beats. I stroke his stubble, our lips brushing, and three words push against the back of my throat until I nearly whisper them. Instead, I say, “You. Me. Together.”

“Always.”

He smiles, and it’s like the sun has risen. I love him. I love him so much. I wish I wasn’t so broken; I wish this was a good time to tell him. It would mean everything to him if I finally admitted it aloud, but no matter how hard I try, the words catch in my throat.

But Lucas doesn’t care. He bends and slides his arms behind my shoulders and under my knees to scoop me into his strong hold. I lean into him and permit him to bear the weight of me. He carries me from the basement, through the stacks, to the base of my loft’s stairs.

I weakly reach for the disastrous mess from the tilted stack that threatens to take all the rows down with it. “We should fix it.”

“Tomorrow’s problem.” Lucas’ boots thud on the iron as he ascends.

I grumble. “You know the books are going to start making nests if they think they can get away with it.”

Already there’s shredded paper and what appears to be stolen knickknacks from around the store. One of my pocket watches glints from a papery bundle, and I flip off the wild grimoires in hopes they can see it from wherever they’re hiding.

“I’ll clean it up tomorrow. I promise.”

My loft door secures behind us, and Lucas presses a palm flat against the iron-strengthened wood. His threads branch out along the interior of my home to weave a thick netting of protection, wrapping around my own wards to strengthen them until the small space glows with a soft golden hue. The terror that gripped me since seeing the shadowy man at the base of my stairs lifts. Finally, I am safe. My heart clenches with deep affection for this man who loves me deeply, who knows me better than I know myself.

Lucas draws me a bath, and I moan when I sink in, my head tilting back so all the blood floats away to stain the hot water dark red. My eyes close, Lucas rinsing me until the water runs clear, and I wrap my arms around him when he picks me out of the tub. The water dripping down my naked body soaks his clothes, and I’m transfixed by his white shirt clinging to his skin.

My feet touch the ground, but I don’t release his shoulders when he turns to grab a fresh towel. Our eyes meet, and my fingers trail down to catch on the first button of his shirt. It slips free, and Lucas’ gaze darkens. One by one, I release the buttons until I can drag the fabric over his shoulders and down his arms. My fingers dance along each of his muscles, fascinated when they twitch. Then I grip his belt, meeting his gaze when it whips free, and I finally push his khakis to the ground, my knees touching the floor.

I gaze up at him. “I’m not quite ready to go to sleep…” I lick up his shaft in a tease, basking in the sound of his moan as I stand back up.

Lucas’ hands cup my face, drawing me to him for a soul-deep kiss. Then he’s gripping the backs of my thighs and lifting me, my legs wrapping tightly around his hips. He carries me to my bed and stretches over me when the mattress presses against my back.

The sweet hum of the books from my personal collection twists beautifully with the soft gasps of our breaths and the rustling of the sheets as we tangle together in slow, lingering kisses. I suck on Lucas’ thumb with a breathy moan when he slips it past my lips while he trails open-mouth kisses down my center, my thighs spreading to give him room. He kisses my pussy, nuzzling with a deep inhale before licking. I bite his thumb, arching and wrapping my legs around his head.

My body thrums with a mind-numbing pleasure with each soft swipe of his tongue, as if it’s forgotten about all the sex we had before falling asleep. I snarl my fingers in his hair, vibrating when he tilts his head to get a different angle.

I choke on my breath. “Yes! Just like that.”

He hums, his honey eyes sliding up my body to watch me while he slowly licks again. I jolt and hold him tighter to me. My heart aches with the desire that shines in his eyes, the huffs of breath against me as he savors each lick. The hooking sweeps of his tongue make me throb and my thighs melt as I moan, “Lucas…”

“You’re so beautiful, Tor. I love how you’re soft like this because of me.”

My response is drowned out by a gasp when his hand slides down my body until he slips his wet thumb inside me. I tremble, hips undulating desperately when he doesn’t move, leaving it resting there to drive me wild. My entrance lights up with aching desire, and I ride his thumb, head thrown back with my mouth stretched open to whine with each roll of my hips. Lucas moans, the vibrations sending my frenzy to its peak when he licks then softly closes his lips on my clit. My eyes snap open with the throb of pleasure. My thighs spread wide, and I nearly scalp him when my back arches off the bed. The intensity of the orgasm collides into me with a mind-numbing wave. I sob his name and rock my hips to drag the pleasure out more and more, but it’s not enough.

“Please, Lucas,” I pant. “Please. I need… I need…”

He kisses my pussy, and I shiver when he speaks against me. “Whatever you want, Tor. Anything.”

My eyes squeeze shut and I swallow painfully, my head tilting back. He crawls up me, and my hand fisting his hair drags him up faster. His hot body covers me, his heat warming me, but there’s something within me that recoils from the pressure. My brows tighten, and I pull him into a deep kiss, licking into him to taste myself. He shivers, gasping, and rolls submissively onto his back when I push forward. My thighs frame his hips and I draw him up to sitting. His large hands slide up my body when he obeys, his rough calluses and sharp edges of his rings scraping against my skin deliciously.

I groan, lifting up and sinking deep onto his thick cock, my eyes rolling back with the shivers of pleasure that ripple through me. “Your cock is criminal.” I groan, my hips rolling so every aching spot his thumb ignited within me is satisfied. “I’m becoming addicted to it.”

Lucas grins and trails kisses up my neck, my head tilting back to give him more access. “Use me, Torment. Whatever you want. I’m yours.”

Something dark and delicious licks up my center, my eyes becoming hooded. My hips lift and roll, over and over, that thick head of his sending sparks of pleasure until it’s like a thunderstorm. I slam down harder, faster, my eyes closing. His strong hands sink into my hips and I whimper, our lips brushing. His desperate moan, his tightening hands, have my eyes opening again. His magic is all around, and the sweetness mixes with the mouthwatering scent of his skin. His eyes are practically golden like my flames, and he smiles as bright and beautiful as his magic. I shiver, spasming when a tightness within me finally loosens. “Lucas.”

His smile widens. “I love you, Tor.”

I choke on my breath, my pace faltering with the crash of overwhelming feeling. My eyes burn. I bite my lip, but the pain doesn’t help to anchor my mind. I fall deep into this sensation, and I nearly pull away, terrified. But I don’t allow myself. Not this time. I gaze deep into his eyes and feel this terrifying new sensation. But I’ve felt this way before. It’s familiar in a way that almost breaks me.

“I’ve got you, Tor.” Lucas’ gentle words have my muscles going loose, and I collapse against him. He kisses along my shoulder. “That’s it. Just relax. I’ll give you what you need. I promise.”

“Lucas,” I beg his name, my arms trembling around his shoulders. Something slithers around my thighs and I tilt my head enough to see what it is. Gold threads spill from his glowing rings, the tendrils sending a shivering vibration that hums through my muscles to my bones. My eyes roll back in a moan when they loop around me. Lucas moves me up and down on his cock like a puppet. Oh hell, I’m practically sobbing with each stroke, sending my pleasure skyrocketing.

Lucas’ lips brush along my neck, his freed hands stroking me slowly, covetously while his threads resume my previous pace. I throb around his cock with a building tempo. His mouth finds my ear to murmur, “I will never stop loving you. No matter how much you test me. No matter what you do. I will always come back.” I whimper as he whispers against my lips, “Now come for me because I know you love me too.”

“Lucas!” I sob. My orgasm hits me so hard that I thrash against his threads, but they don’t give me an inch of escape. The sensation amps me higher and higher as his hips rock against me, keeping my orgasm rolling through me. I swear tears slide down my face as the intensity cracks open my freshly healed soul.

I’m twitching and whimpering. This ache in my chest is overwhelming, and all I can do is grip him as he holds me.

I catch my breath and beg one more time. “Harder, Lucas. I need it. Please. I need it.”

I viciously drag him up by his hair to kiss me. Thank all the nonexistent arachnid gods, he understands how I need him. His strong arms wrap around me when his back flops against the mattress, bringing me down with him.

Then his feet plant on the mattress and he slams into me hard, fast. I cry out against our kiss, writhing in his hold. I snap my hips down to meet him in a clapping force. A pulse rocks me, building me faster and faster. We kiss and kiss in the quiet glow of my bedroom, and I sob, tears pouring from my eyes. It’s a release I needed, that he knew I needed. I beg deeper and he goes deeper, gripping my hips in a bruising force that I revel in. He goes harder when I demand because it feels so fucking good, and I spasm with another surge of pleasure.

But something is missing. Something that brings on a fresh wave of tears when the memories of another body flood me. It’s so real, as if my grief summoned Valen back to my bedroom. I can almost feel his naked body pressing against my back as I arch into the empty air with a sob. His hands glide up my sides to cup my breasts, and I shift my weight to one arm so I can grip and squeeze myself. It’s not enough.

Lucas, my sweet, kind Lucas, guides me so he can kiss and lick my breasts. I cry out, hips shivering, memories of Lucas cupping and presenting the same nipple to Valen’s mouth while we were in Nora’s spare bedroom flooding me. I convulse, my pussy tightening around Lucas, and he moans, the vibrations amping me higher.

My knees slide wider, giving Lucas more space to thrust up harder and harder as I throb, imagining Valen’s knees being the ones to spread me.

“Oh, fuck…” I gasp, eyes squeezed shut as I fall into the madness of this fantasy, reveling in the surging pleasure and pain.

Valen’s lips brush my ear. “You’re making such a mess, Astoria.” His long fingers feel how wet I am, stroking Lucas’ soaked cock until the man shivers, his hips vibrating under Valen’s touch. Valen’s wet fingers glide up. “Do you miss me that much?” Then his fingers brush my ass, pressing until I open for him.

I scream out so loud that the bed vibrates with the pulse of power that expels with it. I snatch Lucas’ hand, wrenching it from my hip. I shift until I can press his fingers against my aching ass. Lucas gasps, gathering my wetness just like I imagined Valen doing, and slips his thick finger in. I can almost hear Valen’s sinful whisper, “So hungry, Astoria. Let’s fill you up.”

I come so hard that I’m practically ruined. The memory of Valen’s lips ghost up my neck for a dark laugh to vibrate in my ears. Lucas growls my name, and I clench him with a deep moan.

Valen is moving in those fast, sharp thrusts he’s so good at, and Lucas’ thick finger brings the sensation to life. I sob, trembling on my hands and knees. Lucas slams up, his finger moving at the same pace. I arch up, I flex back, unable to decide which sensation I love more as my pleasure builds and builds, my mouth open in a loud, endless cry.

“Oh fuck!” Lucas cries out, his head slamming back on the bed. He’s trembling, his tendons straining. “I’m going… I’m going—” He bites his lips hard, his pace faltering when his cock thickens.

In my mind, I see Valen, his grin evil, eyes glinting as he watches Lucas with a hungry gleam. “Look at how we break him, my love. He can barely control himself.”

“Do it, Lucas. Come!” I demand, my nails clawing him. Lucas cries out with his release, sweat slicking him as his large cock pulses deep within me. It’s too much. I come again, so hard I see stars, writhing on top of Lucas with the surging pleasure that nearly stings.

“Oh, stop, please, ohgodohgod.” I’m shaking so hard that my teeth chatter. Lucas slowly withdraws his finger and holds my thigh respectfully while he twitches and pants. I collapse on his chest, my ear pressed flush against him to hear his pounding heart.

I swallow painfully, my eyes filling for another reason. All my walls are down from the intensity of our lovemaking after such an awful night. My voice rasps when I finally whisper the truth behind all my manipulative, logical reasons for withholding information from Lucas, “I can’t see Valen. I can’t keep getting my heart broken by him.”

Lucas exhales harshly and his hands slide around my back. “I know.”

“He left us, Lucas. He left us. How could he? We could’ve been amazing. The three of us could’ve been everything. How could he not see that? Why would he willingly go back to a cage when he could’ve been free to live?”

Sadness tightens Lucas’ eyes, and his throat works before he says roughly, “I don’t understand it either.”

“It could’ve been beautiful. We could’ve been beautiful.”

Lucas strokes the tendrils of my hair that stick to my sweat-slicked brow. “I know. It hurts me, too. You still have me, Tori. I’ll try to fill the void he left.”

My breath gasps with the lance of pain through my chest. I capture his hand to grip it in a bruising force and whisper my confession through my heart’s agony. “I’m… I’m… I’m scared.”

He shakes his head, and I snap, “I am! I can’t even… I can’t…” I take a steadying breath and try again. “I know I should ask Valen for help, but I need time to find the strength. Then I’ll face him.” I spasm, and a sob takes the strength from my words. “If we do discover that it was me who killed Vincentius while corrupted, I’ll still tell Valen, even if it means that he’ll never return to us. I promise. I won’t keep this from him.”

Lucas’ lips brush my shoulder and he presses soft, gentle kisses along it, his fingers stroking me as he says, “If that’s what you need, then okay.”

A sob shakes me, and I weakly whimper, “Thank you. Please don’t leave me.”

He chokes on a laugh, “Listen, Torment, I meant every word I said. I love you. There is no life without you. If anything, don’t give in to the corruption and leave me.”

I huff a helpless laugh and relax more into his hold. He drags the blankets up from where they were piled together.

Silence stretches until I finally whisper, “I really needed that.”

“Anytime, Torment.”

His smile lights the darkness of my soul, and my trembling fingers stroke him tenderly. My heart pulses in a delightful pain I haven’t permitted myself to feel in years. “You’re so beautiful, Lucas.”

His chest expands, his eyes shifting to glisten. He claims my stroking hand to kiss along my palms. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

“To what?” I press my fingertips against his lips one by one so he kisses each.

“To you wanting me. It feels like a dream.”

My smile blooms, and I lean forward to kiss him sweetly, my fingers stroking down his throat to linger over his pulse. “It scares me how much I want you.”

Lucas’ deep voice hums over me. “Sometimes it feels like you’re waiting for me to eventually break your heart, but it’s never going to happen. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what you need. I’ll never leave you, Tor. I’ve seen you at your best. I’ve seen you at your worst. There’s nothing you can do to chase me away.”

I swallow thickly and nod. “Okay.”

And I pray to the Tapestry that I never prove him wrong, no matter how broken and rotten I become.