Chapter 20: Eleanor - The Dragon's Muse

Chapter 20

Eleanor

Late Sunday morning, I crack my eyes open and reach for my phone, yearning for my Shinsu.

No new messages.

My heart sinks like a hefty stone. I’ve gotten so used to seeing his name pop up on my screen throughout the day, that the absence of it hurts more than I could’ve prepared myself for. Yet, I know I don’t deserve to hear from him after going silent since Friday night.

Shinsu’s been so good to me all week, sending me the sweetest musings and compliments, keeping my soul fed as I struggled through each day. Then at night we’d talk for hours, things getting more than a little heated before I’d fall asleep happy, knowing I’m loved, and able to brace myself for another day.

It broke my heart to cancel this weekend, but I had no choice. My boss dumped a giant project on my desk before he left for a weekend of golfing, knowing the presentation is already scheduled for Monday. Thanks to doing business with my mother over many years, he’s well aware of my inability to say no and my fear of disappointing her.

Breaking the news to Shinsu was the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time. There was simply no way I would’ve been able to balance Starry Hill and my work. I was fighting back tears the entire conversation, keeping my sentences short, afraid Shinsu would detect how upset I was at the prospect of not seeing him.

Would he ever forgive me? Would he understand why I was so short on the phone?

I tried my best to get everything done so I could at least spend some time with him this weekend, but the paperwork I was given was incomplete and I needed to do more research than anticipated.

Somewhere past midnight on Friday I passed out at my desk, and once I woke I decided to remain at work until everything was entirely done. So many times throughout Saturday I picked up my phone, the desire to call Shinsu almost unbearably strong, but then I’d pinch myself before chucking my phone in my drawer again. If I heard his voice, I knew I’d cave and ask him to come save me, to take me to Starry Hill with him, and never return to this godsforsaken place.

I can’t go on like this. My soul is withering away the longer I stay at this job. I hate being away from Shinsu, from Starry Hill, and my loving community there. And knowing what true happiness feels like now, it seems inconceivable to continue with life as is.

But how can I be so selfish to want a different life than the one I have right now? Shouldn’t I be grateful for having a secure job, my own home, and a sweet dragon to visit on weekends? It seems conceited, wrong, to want more for myself when I already have so much.

In desperate need of advice, I stumble out of bed and throw on some comfy sweats, and head upstairs to Audrey’s place.

“You look like shit,” Audrey says as she opens the door.

“Thanks. I feel like it,” I mumble, shuffling toward her couch and collapsing onto it.

Audrey props a hand on her hip as she studies me. “Coffee, wine, or something stronger?”

“Stronger,” I groan.

“Fuck.” Cocking a brow at me, Audrey asks, “That bad?”

My shoulders climb up to my ears. “Maybe?”

“On it.” Audrey heads to the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of strong liquor I haven’t touched since university days, and places two shot glasses on the coffee table. “Just to kick us off and loosen your tongue.”

I grimace as the awful taste hits my tongue, but I swallow it down gratefully. “Gross.”

Audrey pours a second shot. “Boys, work, family, or all of the above?”

“Work mostly,” I cough out after swallowing down the near poison. “But I think I fucked up with my boy too.”

Just the thought of Shinsu sends a pang through my heart and I check my phone again. Still no new messages.

Audrey taps her empty glass on the table. “Look, work stuff I can always help with, but when it comes to love, I’m severely lacking.”

“You did pretty well last time.”

Wiggling her eyebrows, Audrey asks, “That nudging go well for you?”

“Very.” My cheeks burn as images of Shinsu’s beautiful face flash through my head, his adoring gaze as he made love to me burned into my memory forever.

“So we’re beyond nudging now?”

“We’re in the ‘I love you’ stage now.” Half of me wants to swoon at the thought, but the other half of me is too scared to allow myself to.

“Damn girl. That was fast,” Audrey sputters. Hesitantly, she raises her hand. “Well done?”

I lower her hand again and shake my head. “Not well done. I haven’t heard from him since Friday.” Finally, I confess my biggest fear, the words quivering over my lips, “I’m scared I might lose him.”

“Fuck.” Audrey freezes before rallying herself again. “Usually I’m the one who dissuades women from falling in love and running after a cock or two, so I think I might need to call in some reinforcements to help us out here.” Sitting forward, she takes my hand, her voice tender as she says, “I’m sure whatever happened is a simple misunderstanding and can be sorted out with a frank conversation. You’re a catch and he’s lucky to have you. But listen, you didn’t hear this from me. Not only is Beck a hottie, he’s a good guy too and I think you’re well matched. If I’d wish a truly happy life for you, it would be with him. And on Starry Hill.”

I squeeze her hand back. “That means a lot to me. Thank you.”

“Fuck,” Audrey groans, her nose wrinkled and shoulders slouched. “All the good ones are over there, aren’t they?”

That pulls a smile from me for the first time today. “They certainly seem to be. Want to pack your bags and move there with me? We can live out our happily ever afters in Starry Hill.” Even if I don’t know where I stand with Shinsu, I’m not giving up on my dream of being together. Not until he tells me it’s over.

“Yeah, that’ll be the day,” Audrey says with a snort. “At most I might consider a little vacation there to go help Tilly out once she pops. I might even partake in a mini fuck fest on the side. Fuck knows there might be a cock or two interesting enough to keep my attention for a little while. But only if it’s no strings attached and they promise not to fall in love with me.”

“You know, just by saying it you’re probably going to meet someone and fall for them first.”

Audrey’s head rears back. “Ew. Take that talk straight to the bathroom and go flush it down the drain.”

“Nah, I’m already wondering what color your cottage door will be.”

Audrey rolls her eyes at me, then says, “On a serious note, I’m clearly unqualified to give you advice on your love life. Hang tight while I call a couple more knowledgeable friends.”

“Thank you. Let me go freshen up a little so they’re not alarmed by the state of my dark circles.” Pausing halfway to the bathroom, I look back at my chaotic but bighearted friend. “You’re the best. You know that?”

“Oh, talking about the best,” Audrey says, already scrolling on her phone. “Don’t mind the bag of dicks in the bathroom. I’ve been a little sexually frustrated and nothing was working last night. Cycled through a couple of options and still need to put them away after their bath.”

“Thanks for the heads-up.” I’m not quite sure how else to respond to that. How many dicks does one prepare oneself for? I just hope I don’t see anything resembling Shinsu’s cocks.

By the time there’s a knock on the door, I’m a little more relaxed after being entertained by recollections of Audrey’s wildest escapades. But my eyes start to water as Tilly and Maisie enter, followed by Lucille.

They each take turns hugging me, then Audrey orders enough food to feed a small army. Once everyone’s settled and has a drink in hand—Tilly’s being a sparkling grape juice—all eyes turn to me.

“Spill,” Maisie says from her position on the floor. “We heard you had a relationship wobble and we’re here to help you fix it.”

“You first,” I counter. “How did you get here?” Part of me hopes they say Shinsu and that he’s waiting right outside the door, ready for me to run into his arms.

Tilly’s smile is understanding. “Viggo.”

“Not Sh— Beck?” I ask, needing to confirm. It feels weird to call him Beck, but I know how much sharing his name means to him and I want to be respectful of that. Besides, I kind of like sharing secrets with him.

Lucille reaches across the couch for me. “We haven’t seen him, dear. I thought he was with you.”

Tilly nods. “Yeah. Bodin thought so too at first, because no one answered when the guys went over for Knights and Castles. The mill was dark, even the gears were still.”

My heart rate ratchets up as I bolt upright. “Do you think he’s okay? Has anything bad happened to him?”

“He’s okay,” Tilly reassures me, placing a hand on my thigh. “They could detect he was at home, just not up for company.”

I drop my head into my heads, a sob breaking through as I admit, “I fucked up. So much.”

Scooting closer, Maisie says gently, “Tell us what happened.”

Lucille rubs my back in soothing circles, her touch familiar and comforting. “Start at the beginning, dear Eleanor.”

So, I do. I tell them about falling in love. How much Shinsu means to me, how much I hate my job, and how awful it is that it keeps me away from him.

“Quit,” Audrey chirps, making it sound easy and like my whole life could be solved with that on word.

I frown. “Just like that?”

“Why not?” Audrey throws back at me.

Feeling like I’m missing something, I say, “I need to live. Buy food, pay rent—”

Audrey cuts me off. “Doesn’t sound like you’re living much right now.”

The statement stuns me. A breath puffs out of me as the truth of it hits me square in the chest.

Maisie quirks her head to the side as she stares at me with compassionate sage eyes. “Why do you stay there if it makes you so unhappy? Why not find another job?”

Allowing myself to be completely vulnerable, I explain, “Honestly? My boss knows my mother. I’ve been a disappointment to her my whole life, with my curly hair, my bigger body, so many different things. The only thing she’s been proud of was me becoming a lawyer, and after that, hearing positive things about me from my boss.”

I was making so much progress on Starry Hill. There, on that tiny island with its warm community and welcoming embrace, I feel like I can truly be myself, wear clothes that make me happy, set my curls free, speak my thoughts, and laugh at whatever volume I want. But when I stepped back into my workplace, it’s like my brain rewound itself, erasing my confidence, and stripping away my personality until I once again became a husk of myself—another cog in their machine.

“Toxic, gaslighting bitch,” Audrey hisses.

Tilly asks, “What does your mother do to make you proud?”

“I…” A couple of seconds pass as I give that some thought. “Nothing.”

Pulling my hand into her lap, Lucille asks gently, “My dear Eleanor, what do you really want? In your heart of hearts? What would make you truly happy? Not what’s expected of you, not what you think anyone else wants you to do, but you, as Eleanor Landry, what do you truly want?”

I’m so tired of living up to my mother’s expectations. I’m so tired of her voice in my head and feeling like an eternal disappointment. I want to be free. To leave behind my job, the city, and everything holding me back from living the life I want for myself.

But most of all, I want to be with Beck, to build a future with him, maybe even start our own family, in Starry Hill. Of that, I am absolutely certain. Everything else I’ll figure out.

Tears well in my eyes and my voice cracks. “I want to be happy. With Beck.” Pushing past the tears choking me, I keep my confession going. “I want to live in Starry Hill. I want to work at The Dancing Daisy. And eat lots of bread every day.”

Lucille reaches up and wipes a tear rolling down my cheek. “I was going to discuss this with you yesterday when you came to the shop, but maybe you weren’t ready for it then. Maybe fate brought us to this moment for a reason.”

Around the room, everyone is silent as they wait for Lucille to continue. Tilly dabs at her eyes and Maisie gives me an encouraging smile. Even Audrey seems riveted, her glass paused halfway to her mouth.

Lucille’s grin turns watery. “It’s time for me to hand over The Dancing Daisy into someone else’s capable hands. Someone who has loved that shop just as much as I have, someone who will continue the legacy that my Lochan’s family started so many years ago.”

I suck in a shaky breath, tears streaming down my face. “Lucille, that’s incredibly kind of you, but I don’t think I have the type of capital to buy it from you.”

Shaking her head, Lucille explains, “You’re not allowed to buy it. It’s a gift. It’s the tradition of the island, to hand over businesses when the time is right to the creature most suitable for that place.”

“Lucille…”

She reaches up and wipes away another one of my tears, her own now making their way down her weathered cheeks. “I’ll add that The Daisy and your relationship with Beck aren’t mutually exclusive. I can say that it has helped me with the decision to know you have him on the island, a solid support system for you and The Daisy, but even if things don’t work out—which we know isn’t a possibility—the shop is still yours.”

An ugly sob makes it way out of me and Audrey hands me a tissue, quickly dispensing some to all of us.

Lucille continues, “I love that boy almost as much as you do, but that didn’t sway my opinion of you. Your dedication to the community, your love for books, your care for our Daisy, your kindness and big capacity for love, those all convinced me. So what do you say? Ready to start a new job?”

Audrey scowls at me through her own tears. “If you don’t say yes right now, I’m going to punch you in the tit.”

A couple of watery giggles resound around the room, then I choke out, “Of course. Yes. It would be my honor. I promise to take such good care of her.”

I wrap Lucille in as tight of a hug as I dare, whispering my thanks over and over again, vowing to do my best and make our Daisy a pillar in the community.

Maisie raises a hand, her cheeks still streaked with tears. “Now that the job situation is taken care of, what’s the plan with Beck?”

I look at the women as courage takes root in my heart. “Is it too soon to plan a big gesture to show Beck how much I love him? How much I want us to be together forever? Like, I want to sell my apartment and move in with him and start our lives together. Is that too weird?”

Audrey’s eyes widen to a comically large degree and she visibly presses her lips together. Thankfully she knows this question wasn’t directed at her and stays silent, waiting for the other ladies to give me advice.

Tilly shrugs and shakes her head. “It took me less than a week to know with Bodin.”

Maisie gives her shoulders a little shimmy like she’s recalling a particularly fond memory. “Ren had me from the first day I saw him. I just didn’t know it yet.”

Lucille bumps me with her bony elbow. “It’s never too soon when you’re sure. Lochan and I met, that night we made love, and we never spent a day without each other again after that.”

Gaze hopping between the women, a chuckle bubbles up from me. “Holy shit. I’m slow by your standards.”

Audrey takes a long swig from her glass. “The dick must be really good in Starry Hill.”

Wiggling her eyebrows at Audrey, Maisie teases, “Damn straight, it is. Want to come over and find out for yourself?”

“In all seriousness though,” Tilly says, nipping that line of conversation in the bud. “It’s different with nonhuman guys. Once they decide on you, that’s it. Game over. Surrender your heart right then and there. Consensually, of course.”

I think back to how things were when Shinsu and I were just friends, even though I had long harbored stronger feelings for him. The moment he kissed me though, I was done for and everything snowballed fairly quickly. We were on this trajectory to our happily ever after, until I had to ruin it. I only hope it’s not too late to win him back.

“Okay, so big gesture,” Maisie says, rubbing her hands together. “Do you have any ideas?”

My smile comes easily as I remember the bracelet sitting in my keepsake box. “I have a little something I’ve been saving for twenty-two years and I think it’s time to show Beck how long I’ve kept him in my heart.”

“You packing your bags too?” Audrey asks.

“I’m packing everything.”

Right after I’m handing in my resignation letter tomorrow, I’m setting sail for Starry Hill, and never looking back.