Chapter 21: Beck - The Dragon's Muse

Chapter 21

Beck

Lavender pierces my senses, but I must be mistaken. Maybe it’s the plant from upstairs that I’m scenting in my melancholy haze.

Since Friday’s phone call, I’ve not moved from this chair. I’ve hardly slept or eaten.

It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

I shift into a slightly more comfortable position and pull the soft pillow more snuggly against me, a poor substitute for the feel of Nori in my arms, but it does quell the strongest ache for her.

Loneliness has always been a familiar companion, yet, it feels different now. I feel empty, a cavern now sits where my heart once was.

But I deserve this.

I abandoned Nori when we were young, and now it’s only fair that she gets to abandon me. That’s been the pattern of my life. The ones I love never want to keep me.

My ears ring in the quiet, and I almost imagine I hear Nori’s footsteps outside, but I quickly shove that thought down.

Time has blurred together, sunlight the only markers telling me of its passage as I remain in what was supposed to be Nori’s reading corner.

At some point over the past few days, I heard the guys outside and I realized it must be Saturday, but thankfully they left without any further questions. I know I have duties to return to for Starry Hill, but never has a Monday looked so bleak. I can’t even muster the energy to go to Lucille’s, scared of the pity she’ll have in her eyes when she sees me.

A sharp gasp alerts me to someone’s presence but I don’t turn around to see who it is. My dragon doesn’t react either, still burrowed away deep where I can’t sense him.

“Shinsu,” the voice says quietly as a hand lands on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Slowly, recognition dawns and I lift my head to see Nori’s tear-filled eyes. “Nori?”

“Hi, my love,” she whispers and with shaking fingers brushes hair out of my face.

I frown, not knowing if this is a hallucination or reality. “You’re here?”

Nori swallows and nods with a trembling smile. “Yes. I’m so sorry for not coming earlier.”

“How did you get here?” I ask, my voice hoarse after days of disuse.

“Viggo brought me,” Nori says cautiously.

At this admission, my dragon peeks his jealous head out the tiniest fraction. It’s a relief to know I haven’t lost him forever, but I’m still nervous that this is all a dream and Nori isn’t really here. I can’t afford to hope.

Nori lowers onto her knees in front of me and cups my face so gently it’s like a butterfly landing on skin. “Shinsu, when’s the last time you’ve slept or eaten?”

“I don’t know.” My brain still feels hazy and nothing makes sense.

A lonely tear rolls down Nori’s cheek. “Have you gone for a swim to settle your dragon lately?”

“No.” Instinctively, I reach forward and wipe the warm tear away.

Nori folds her fingers around mine and presses my palm to her cheek. “Let’s get you fed first and then in the water. I’ll explain everything after.”

“I’m sorry if I stink,” I croak.

Huffing the tiniest laugh, Nori says, “I don’t care, my love.”

I swallow hard. “Are you really back? You didn’t… abandon me?”

Nori’s composure cracks. She shakes her head furiously, her mouth rumpling, her words an emphatic declaration. “Never. Not in this lifetime or any that follow. I love you, Shinsu. You’re my forever. My happily ever after.”

“Really?” I rasp, fighting back my own tears as I catch hers.

“Would I lie to you?” Nori stands and points toward the dock. “Look. My bags are outside. If it’s okay with you, then I’m here to stay. For as long as you’ll have me.”

I take her hand in mine, halting her before she goes too far. “You brought clothes?”

“I brought everything,” Nori whispers. “I quit my job too.”

“You quit?” Somewhere in the back of my mind I know I should say something more eloquent, ask her better questions, but my brain is having a tough time catching up with my emotions.

Nori’s smile is small as she tucks my hair behind my ear, but there’s a lightness in her that has my dragon curiously creeping forward to witness everything.

“Yup. I’m not going back to Cape Easton.”

True hope sparks in my chest and scales ripple under Nori’s touch. “You’re really, really here?”

“I am.”

“Can I hug you?”

“Please.”

I pull Nori into my lap and bury my face in her neck, breathing her in deeply.

Tears roll freely down my face, my back shaking with silent sobs, as I try to process everything while Nori whispers over and over again, “I love you, Shinsu. I love you.”

Slowly I come back to myself, my dragon returning too, though weaker than before. “I’ve always loved you, Nori, and always will.”

Nori presses her forehead to mine. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”

“I love you,” I whisper again, also never tiring of saying it.

She pulls back and gives me a faux stern look. “Now, go jump in the shower quickly and then let’s get you fed while I explain everything that’s happened. After, we can take your dragon for a swim.”

I do as Nori says, and by the time I get out of the shower, I feel a little more like myself. When I enter the kitchen, there’s a bouquet of bread waiting on the table, one from each of her visits over the last couple of months surrounded by an array of spreads. My stomach grumbles at the sight of my favorite food group and my heart flutters at the thoughtfulness of the gesture.

“You prepared all of this for me?” I ask, already reaching for the cranberry orange sourdough from Nori’s first visit. The aroma of the freshly baked bread fills my nostrils, my body relaxing into a seat at how familiar this feels with Nori here.

“I did,” Nori says brightly from her spot against the counter. “I brought all of your favorites, but there’s a new one I thought we could try. If you want?”

“Please.”

Nori moves to the side and reveals a round container that reminds me of one my grandmother used to have. I sniff the air, my brain slowly placing the sweet scent. Nori bites her bottom lip as she brings it over, waiting for my reaction.

Not even looking down to check, I ask excitedly, “Is this jjinppang?”

“Yes. I’ve been craving them for years and finally found a bakery who has the perfect ratio of sweet red bean filling to steamed dough, just like your grandmother used to make.”

Unable to resist a second longer, I lift the lid and bring the container to my nose, the aroma bringing so many memories from my childhood with it. I bite into the still-warm bread, savoring the sweet taste in my mouth before swallowing it down.

“You remember eating them with me?” I ask around my next mouthful.

Nori’s mouth curls up into soft smile. “I remember everything about you. All our dances, all the snacks under that big old tree in the backyard, the chess games, waiting every year for you to arrive, and dreading the end of summer when you had to say goodbye.”

Guilt rips through me at still not having told her everything. “I remember everything about us too. Can I explain why I didn’t say goodbye that last time?”

Nori shakes her head, but her smile doesn’t move. “Soon. First, I’m going to explain what happened this weekend while you finish eating. When you have your strength back, then you can have a turn to tell me whatever you want.”

I wolf down three of the big steamed buns while Nori talks. She explains why she couldn’t come, apologizes multiple times, tells me about how Lucille gifted her The Dancing Daisy, and finally how Maisie, Tilly, Lucille, and Audrey helped her pack up her belongings to move to Starry Hill to start her new life here.

Though still weak, my dragon hangs onto every word and flits scales down my skin whenever Nori needs encouragement to continue.

My heart beats faster as I realize this is really it, that there are no more goodbyes needed between us, and that fate has truly smiled down on me, letting me keep my Nori for the rest of my life.

“I have one more thing for you, my lovely Shinsu,” Nori says as she reaches into her big tote bag.

Body stilling, breathing shallow, I gape at the handmade bracelet in Nori’s hand. “It’s just like the ones you used to make me. When did you make this one?”

Nori fastens the bracelet around my wrist, and I admire the intricate patterns as she explains, “I’ve been holding onto this bracelet for twenty-two years. I remember working on it for hours every night, weaving together the orange, blue, and white threads over and over again until I got it perfect. Just like I did every year for your birthday. I’ve always loved you, Shinsu. And a part of me never gave up hope that I would see you again.”

“Wait here.” With speed summoned out of pure desperation to show Nori how long I’ve loved her too, I rush up the stairs and dig into my nightstand drawer for the old box I’ve not opened in years. I race down the stairs again and place it in Nori’s hands.

Slowly, Nori lifts the lid. “Shinsu,” she breathes, her eyes wide as she traces the remnants of bracelets, her fingers gliding over the frayed threads of each one she made me since we were seven years old. “You kept them all?”

I pull my chair closer to Nori’s and let her read the truth in my eyes. “I wore them every day until they were frayed. When they couldn’t stay safely on my wrist any longer, I saved them in here, waiting for the next year you’ll give me a new one again.” I brush my thumb across her quivering lip. “I’ve always loved you too, Nori. Have you noticed the color of my front door? When I moved to Starry Hill, I was told to pick a color. Any color. I had to pick my favorite—the shade of your hair when it catches the brightest rays of the sun. Even the chairs in The Dancing Daisy I picked out for Lucille are inspired by your hair. You’ve always been a part of me, Nori.”

Nori laces our fingers. “That last day I saw you when we were kids, do you remember it was the day before your thirteenth birthday? I was planning on giving you the bracelet the next day, and asking you to be my first kiss.”

My breath is knocked out of me at the realization, and my dragon retreats guiltily into my chest. Please don’t leave, I tell him. That’s all in the past. We’re looking to the future now.

I hold Nori’s face between my palms. “Nori, I may not have been your first kiss, but I want to be your last first kiss.”

“You already are,” she whispers as she leans forward and presses her mouth to mine.

The world outside of us dissipates into inconsequential atoms as we breathe each other in. Our tongues caress languidly like we have all the time in the world. Because we do. Today is the start of our life together and the end of our goodbyes.

* * *

Later that afternoon, when my stomach is full and my heart light, Nori asks, “Do you want to go for a swim?”

“Yes, but let’s go sit on the dock and watch the sunset together first. I want to tell you everything that happened to me the day I left.”

“Okay.”

Once outside, I eye the stack of luggage resting on the dock. Viggo did well with how quietly he was unloading, or maybe I was so disconnected with the world that I couldn’t hear him.

I lead Nori to the edge of the dock, to the same spot we had our first kiss not so long ago, and I relish in the calm beat of her heart. She’s not scared anymore and that means a lot to me.

My dragon hesitantly comes forward again and lifts his head toward the ocean, closing his eyes as he breathes in the salty air. Soon, I promise him. Nori first. He agrees wholeheartedly and gives me the space to explain our history to the woman we love.

In front of us, long, rolling ribbons of water stretch out toward the horizon and golden droplets of sunlight dance in the valleys of their swells.

I take Nori’s hand in mine, keeping my gaze straight ahead as I start talking. “That day before my thirteenth birthday remains one of the happiest days of my life, because of you. But throughout that day, there was an odd sensation in my chest, almost like a scratching from the inside, and when I went back to my grandmother’s that evening, everything intensified. It became an aching, roiling mess inside me, sending goose bumps all over my body which sharpened into pinpricks. My grandmother sent me to bed early with some painkillers, promising to call a doctor in the morning if I still felt unwell.”

Nervous scales flicker down my arms and Nori pulls my hand into her lap, calmly tracing them as she lends me her silent support.

I clear my throat. “That night, everything got worse. The pinpricks ruptured into scales covering my entire body, and from my head… two horns sprouted. I screamed when I saw myself, effectively summoning my grandmother who screamed even more. She called my father, who surprisingly, welcomed the news. At first. There hadn’t been a dragon in our line in a couple of generations, so they were unsure of what to do with me. This also meant I wasn’t safe in their human neighborhood because I couldn’t control my dragon. What if I shifted into his pure form right there? What if I gave away my kin’s secrets? They couldn’t risk it.”

Memories of that night, of the fear, the uncertainty, race through my mind. I needed to be comforted, needed a friend or a parent to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. But I got none of that.

I wasn’t raised in a hugging family and physical contact was sparse, yet I still craved to be held that day, to be told I was going to be okay.

“The next day,” I continue, wanting to tell Nori every single detail, no matter how hard it is to relive it all, “I was forced to stay inside while I waited for my parents to collect me. All day, I watched you from my window. The way you sat on that swing in the backyard, waiting for me to show up, it pained me more than seeing my body covered in scales. Watching you gather the courage to come knock on my grandmother’s door, only to hear her tell you I went home without giving you a believable reason why, broke something in me. The image of you crying as you walked away, and not being able to do anything about it, made me vow that one day when I could control my dragon, I’d come back to you and explain everything.”

“It’s okay now. You found me,” Nori whispers.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” I whisper back. “I went to your house right after I graduated, but you were already gone.” A different family had moved into Nori’s at that time and didn’t have any forwarding address for her. I tried to contact her mother through a number the new owners gave me, but she pretended not to know who I was. There’s no need to tell Nori this right now, not when her emotions are still raw after she decided to break all contact with her mother when she moved here.

Nori shakes her head and brushes one of my tears away. “You have nothing to apologize for. My heart hurt losing my friend, but I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you to go through all of that alone.”

I take in a shaky breath, knowing this story is far from done. My dragon sends scales across my chest, reinforcing me in his own way. “When my parents arrived, they were proud to announce that they enrolled me at an exclusive boarding school for magical creatures tucked away in the middle of a forest, surrounded by all kinds of wards to keep humans out. I wasn’t allowed to leave there until I could shift at will and control the appearance of my scales and my horns. Some students received glamour rings to help them control their shifts, but my father refused to get me one. He said I needed to train myself and my dragon, that using a glamour ring is a sign of weakness.”

Nori looks appalled at that. “Were there other dragons to help you?”

I give her a sad smile. “No. I was the only dragon enrolled at the time. I had to take many classes by myself too. It was quite isolating at times. Besides, dragons are very rare. Different families have different types of dragons connected to different elements. My family line, the Beck line, is descended from white water dragons, and our relationship is with the ocean mainly, though we can control other types of water too. In our language, Beck means white. Hence my coloring. All the males of my line have white hair and light features as a sign of our lineage, but not all get chosen by a dragon.”

Nori bumps me lightly with her shoulder. “You’re special.”

At Nori’s words, my dragon spins in a circle, optimism flowing through him and spilling into scales along my torso and legs.

“I don’t always feel special,” I sigh out, causing some of the scales to disappear again.

“To me, you’ll always be.”

“And you to me.” I rest my head against Nori’s while I gather my strength to finish the story, knowing she needs the whole truth if she truly wants to understand why I am this way.

“So does your father go by Beck too?” Nori gently prods.

I lift my head and stare off at the glittering golden water, letting Nori and the ocean calm me with their combined presence. “It’s also his family name, but not his first name. I started going by Beck when I moved to the boarding school. I didn’t want to be Shinsu there. It was too hard to remember my old life.”

Tilting her head to the side, Nori asks, “So, if Beck means ‘white,’ does Shinsu also have a special meaning?”

I nod. “It does. ‘Shin’ means god. And ‘Su’ means water.”

“So your name literally means ‘god of water’? That’s so fitting. I’ve seen the way you love the ocean, and your connection with it. To me, Shinsu seems much more suitable for you than a name related to your coloring.”

My dragon agrees and gives me an “I told you so” look, undulating pearlescent scales along my limbs, much to Nori’s liking as her eyes eagerly track their movement.

I give her a quick kiss then square my shoulders, bracing myself for telling Nori about the ugliest stage of my life. “After I graduated, I tried to go back home, but my parents told me they couldn’t risk having me around in their human neighborhood. They bought me a boat and said it would be best to find a job where I could be useful considering my water magic and my dragon form.”

Nori brings a hand up to cover her mouth. “Shinsu. That’s horrible.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. “I thought I was alone before, but then I truly knew what it felt like to be completely abandoned.”

“I can’t fathom how hard that must’ve been. Did you move to Starry Hill then?”

Closing my eyes, I explain, “I spent two years working for an awful man as his personal protector. Sometimes he would ask me to shift for his delight. It made me resent my dragon for the longest time. It also didn’t help that my dragon was the reason I was taken away from you and life as I knew it.”

When I open my eyes again, I see Nori’s are filled with angry tears, and I realize they’re on my behalf. “How did you get away?”

“Arran.”

“Vampire Arran?” Nori asks. “The shy recluse who’s also founder of Starry Hill?”

“Yeah. He doesn’t talk much about it, but he finds creatures in need around the world and offers them a safe place to live and work here in Starry Hill. He sent someone to find me too, and I packed my bags right then and there.”

“That’s incredible,” Nori says. “I never knew that about him.”

Finally, my mouth quirks into a smile as I get to a happier part again. “I’ve been living in Starry Hill for the last fourteen years, and my dragon and I have slowly started understanding each other and healing our relationship.”

Nori reaches up and brushes some strands off my forehead. “It means so much to me that you’ve shared all of this with me. Thank you, Shinsu. It’s a gift to know your whole past and I promise to do everything I can to keep your heart safe and make you feel as loved as you are. I’ll never abandon you.”

I lean into her touch. “You’ve helped me be proud of who I am. The way you’ve accepted my scales and my other dragon… attributes. Thank you. Thank you that I can be just as I am with you.”

Nori climbs into my lap and straddles me, lightly tracing the scales on my chest as she looks up at me with her pure honey eyes. “You’re so easy to love, Shinsu. I’m glad you’ve embraced who you are.”

Feeling encouraged and bold, I ask, “Do you want to meet my dragon?”

Nori’s head bobs up and down. “Yes, please. I’ve been wanting to meet him for months.”

I lift her carefully off me and stand up to start undressing. Nori watches me with rapt attention, her heart racing excitedly as I unbuckle my pants. She takes over undoing my buttons, her cheeks glowing red when I stand naked in front of her.

In my chest, my dragon struts up and down, very conscious of Nori’s gaze on us. He sends scales rippling over me as he gets ready to take over my body.

I press a quick kiss to Nori’s lips, then I jump, shifting midair as I dive into the welcoming water.