Chapter 11: Bianca - Wall - Change

Bianca
Wall

Titus was sitting at his desk when we returned. Maria shut the door behind me, leaving the two of us alone without prompting. I didn’t have to say anything—I had no time—before he looked up in surprise and abandoned his work without hesitation.

“Bianca?” He was across the room in an instant, brushing his hand over my forehead. “Are you okay? Didn’t you have a good time with Maria?”

Sure. That wasn’t the problem.

“I like hanging out with Maria,” I told him. “We’re friends.”

His features tightened in confusion. “You’re upset.”

“Not with Maria,” I answered honestly. “Or about anything that we did.” Which was also true. After all, I had no reason to be upset—nor feel guilty—about going to illegal fighting rings, or even Ernesto. Although I wasn’t sure why I’d thought to feel guilty about the Unseelie fae anyway.

Titus frowned and his gaze turned suspicious. “What did you two do?”

My breath swallowed in panic. And this was why we should have talked about our cover story, darn it. I should have wallowed later.

There was only one response that would deter a man. “Girl stuff.”

He wasn’t convinced at my response—it was obvious in the way his eyes narrowed—but he didn’t press the subject or ask again. And somehow that was enough to cause the tension in my shoulders to let up, at least a little.

It was rather nice to not be treated like an infant.

I didn’t even have to bring up the second thing right now. Why should I ruin the moment?

But then, the thing I’d been trying to ignore stabbed at me, like the reopening of a barely healed wound.

I was going to go back.

“Bianca?” Titus was still frowning at me, and before I could pull away, he wrapped his hands around my waist, picked me up as he stepped across the room and sat me on his desk. “Tell me why you’re upset.”

I internally groaned—this was so frustrating. When it was just Finn and I, the mere mention of something remotely girlish saved me. But Titus—or any of the other men—had not been swayed at all.

Was Finn just really weird?

Titus leaned over the desk, hands pressing against the desk on either side of my knees as he lowered his face level with mine. “Something’s bothering you.”

Well, better now than never, I guess.

I touched my fingers together in my lap, trying to stop my hands from shaking, unable to look at him any longer. “I’ll go to the house.” I felt so small. “Will that help?”

His arms tensed and when he spoke, his voice was unreadable. “What house?”

My stomach knotted as frustration coursed through me. Why did I have to explain?

“Mr. R-R-Richards…” A shiver shot down my spine; even his name felt evil to say. “M-Maria said you might need h-help…”

Titus didn’t reply, and I remained unable to look at anything other than his torso, so I had no idea what sort of expression he might be sporting. The top two buttons of his white dress shirt were unbuttoned, and a thick gold chain hung around his neck. And it was the strangest thing. Despite having basically seen him naked, I must not have been paying attention. How could I not have noticed the light covering of fuzz over his chest. Dark brown stood stark against sun kissed skin. It was quite nice to look at: not too much hair, not entirely bare.

“You’re so confusing,” he said finally.

I did look up then. “Why?”

Wait, I’d forgotten—it could happen at any time. “Can you read my mind now?” My skin grew uncomfortably warm at the thought.

“No.” I couldn’t quite make out what he was thinking from his features, but there was a hint of red shadowing the green of his eyes. “I don’t need to. But I do think Miles and Damen are right.”

Why in the world were we talking about Miles and Damen?

Not that I minded. I liked them both a lot. But the boys had that weird rivalry about not wanting to talk about each other when alone with me.

“You try to find a distraction when you’re upset,” Titus answered.

Oh.

I remembered that theory. Miles had really thought he was onto something, but he was wrong. And Damen had been so very cocky about it too.

How dare they tell the others this very incorrect thing.

They could be so assuming sometimes.

And why wouldn’t Titus need to read my mind?

Titus touched my chin, holding my face firmly. The red seemed to grow deeper as he said, “You’re not going anywhere near that house.”

Excuse me? Indignation began to stir in my stomach. “Yes, I am.”

His features tightened. “No, you’re not.”

How dare he try to manage my recovery. That’s what they’d all been going on about, right? That I should deal with this. He should be happy. “You can’t stop me.”

“You’re not ready!” He dropped his hand from my face, slamming his palm against the top of the table. “You can’t even say his name.”

My blood was hot, racing through me. “Eric Richards, Eric Richards, Eric Richards.”

“He’s not ‘Bloody Mary’,” he muttered. “That would be too easy.”

I had no idea what he was talking about, so I ignored him. “I want to help!”

“The only reason you’re not scared right now is because you’re angry at me.”

“I’m not angry.” I huffed, crossing my arms. That was preposterous. I was completely in charge of my emotions.

His mouth thinned and his eyes flashed. “Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.” This was stupid. I was going to go there and not speak a word. That way I wasn’t technically breaking any rules and they could do whatever it was they needed for their case.

Easy peasy.

Titus groaned, stepping back as he covered his eyes with his hand. “You’re so stubborn.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Stop it!” He dropped his arm and glared at me.

Glared. Like, how dare he.

“You’re extremely stubborn,” he said, almost accusingly. “But you’re not considering something.”

“What’s that?” I asked, my blood still burning.

“I’m more stubborn than you.” He crossed his arms, glowering. “I have to be, and I’ve had lifetimes of practice. Just like you’ve had lifetimes of sacrificing yourself for other people. You’re still thinking of everyone else first. So, no, you’re not going unless you can convince me that you want to. Not that you’re doing it to impress Maria or any of us, or that you’re feeling pressured to help. I can figure this out without you.”

“But I want to go.” My voice wavered as my anger shook.

He cocked his head, studying me in a way that made my skin crawl. “I don’t believe you.”

My breath caught in my throat and I moved back an inch on the table. “W-what are you doing?”

“Showing you why you’re not ready,” was his only reply. His features were surprisingly blank. “You’re not going to challenge me now?”

What the heck? What was this nonsense?

My ire began to swell once more. I searched through the items on Titus’s desk. Where was it? I’d left it here earlier, when Maria dragged me downstairs.

“What are you looking for?”

“My purse!” There it was—he’d set it behind his laptop. Right next to his drink too, which was just a terrible place for a purse. It wasn’t like you could throw these things in the washing machine.

Zero consideration.

I grabbed the bag and blindly shoved my hand around inside until I found what I was looking for.

“Here!” I jumped off the desk and faced him, holding up the can of pepper spray in front of me. “Just try me. I’ve done it once before and I’ll do it again!”

He was frowning at the pink can, cautious in a way that most animals were when confronted with something they feared. “It’ll hurt,” he pointed out.

My resolve wavered, but only slightly. I didn’t like the idea of hurting him, but sometimes annoyingly overbearing men needed to understand that life wasn’t about them. Like when we first met, I wasn’t about to let him tell me what to do, even if he did think it was for my own good.

“Yes, it will,” I agreed. “And your face doesn’t look very pretty all swollen either, but I’ll still do it!” I shook the can. “I’ll do it again and again and again until you realize that you’re not in charge of me.”

Titus laughed—the nerve—and closed the distance between us, pulling me closer. My face squished against him with the pepper spray harmlessly pointing out to the side, rendering my weapon useless in terms of defense.

I should have been scared, especially considering how he’d acted only a moment before, but I wasn’t. The can slipped from my fingers, falling to the floor with an echoing ping.

“Fine,” he said against my hair. “We’ll go together.”

Well, of course. I nodded.

“Damen and Gregory too.” He rubbed his hands in circles over my upper back. “They’ve been helping me. Damen will follow your lead on what you want to do.”

Uncle Gregory could linger in the background, like a fly on the wall, I didn’t care. But why did Damen have to come? He was very pushy and had an issue with boundaries. He’d probably ask a million questions—rendering my plan to not talk useless. And I might throw up on him again.

Actually, maybe that was a good idea.

He’d proven useful during moments of physical sickness. And it hadn’t been all that bad when I was talking to him in that tent in the woods. He’d been supportive since my period—less moody than before.

“Fine,” I agreed.

Titus’s commands just kept on coming. “Don’t tell Julian right now.”

“Um…” I’d grabbed his shirt, not missing the way his breath slightly hitched at the order. “Why?”

“Let’s just say that you’re not going to convince Julian it’s a good idea.” Titus’s reply was almost hesitant. “Damen and I will tell him when it’s time.”

“But…” I wasn’t sure about this, but I really didn’t want to have a similar fight with Julian. I didn’t think I had it in me to yell at the man, but I hated the thought of disappointing him. “Will it be okay?”

“We’ll have Miles nearby to help if we need,” Titus replied. “But Julian still has some issues of his own to work through—it has nothing to do with you. I want to keep this small, so other than Damen and Gregory, Bryce should come too.”

Oh, come on! I pushed against Titus’s chest, stepping away from the dragon. After Bryce’s recent actions, I didn’t want to be around him at all right now. “Why does he have to come?”

“Two reasons—” Titus began, squaring his shoulders. “Believe it or not, besides Julian and me, he’s been the most outspoken about why you shouldn’t go. When he finds out…” Titus frowned at his finger. “We cannot talk to him like Julian. He’s not one of us. The only way he’ll shut up is either by me killing him, or if you include him. Besides, he might as well come. He’s there every day anyway, trying to find something.”

I swallowed. Bryce had been there already?

“Secondly, you need to get used to doing things together. He’s your Er Bashou, which means he’s supposed to support you. Both of you have to work on this because he’s trying to act like a brother instead. If you exclude him, it will damage your relationship.”

I growled under my breath, and Titus’s eyebrows raised almost comically.

“He forced me to go to the hospital!” My chest was tight with betrayal. “He promised!”

Titus let out a long breath, and looked past me, out the window behind his desk. “Do you want me to kill him?”

“What?” I took a step back as horror washed over me. Why would he’d think I’d go to such extremes? “No!”

“Are you angry at him?”

“Ye…” I opened my mouth to answer, but my reply trailed off. I clenched my fist and stared at the beige floor. “No.”

Now that I thought about it, I wasn’t really angry, although I couldn’t explain why. I had every right to feel that way.

But my stomach hurt, and my chest felt tight. Tears began to prickle behind my eyelids.

I wasn’t angry. I’d been betrayed.

“He was wrong.” How could I ever trust him again?

“Not in that situation. I was angry at first too, until I heard the details. You’d fainted on multiple occasions in a short period of time. He did what he thought was best,” Titus argued. “And also keep in mind that he’s still learning, just like you are, and sometimes you have to try to understand the other person’s point of view.”

“That’s not fair!” The words exploded from me in a rush. Why should I have to be the bigger person? “He should pay!”

“Pay, how?” Titus looked back to me, and my protests died on my tongue at the look on his face. His features were taut and tight, and there was something unsettling wavering in the depths of his darkened eyes. “If you’re not going to kill him, then you need to either learn to work with him or strip him from his position. Because you can’t have an Er Bashou you refuse to collaborate with.”

“But—” My voice broke, but he didn’t let me finish.

“Damen is furious with Finn for keeping you away, but as you can see, he’s still around,” Titus continued. “Miles and Julian are dealing with their own officers too. But do you want to know why not a single one of them has been replaced? Because, in the end, they trust in the bigger picture.”

My hand was still raised in protest, but now I couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

Then he said the words that caused a dagger to stab through my heart, “If you want to prove that you’re ready for this, you can start by acting like a leader.”

“He was wrong…” Even though I knew he wasn’t.

“He did what he thought was best, even though it might not have been the wisest approach.” Titus waved his hand in the air dismissively. “No one is arguing that. But you still need to make a decision: are you going to work through this with him, or are you going to let him go? Because it’s your responsibility to solve conflicts, not let them fester.”

I glared at the floor as my eyes flooded with tears.

Darn it.

“What do you want to do?” Titus asked. “If you want to project your anger onto him instead of dealing with it, fine. I’ll grab him right now and do whatever you want. We could find a replacement for him in a heartbeat.”

“No.” Bryce, after all, was growing on me.

“Then what do you want?”

“I’ll talk to him,” I grumbled. I did understand he was trying to help, but we were going to have a serious discussion about boundaries.

Titus placed his hand over the top of my head, and his voice was warm when he spoke. “Good.” He paused, then, “I have something for you.”

“What?” I blinked at my feet. Was this going to be a recurring thing? I’d already lost the first gift he’d given me.

Though, for some reason, it didn’t feel wrong to accept stuff from him. Sometimes. But only when the moment struck.

He grabbed my right hand, holding my wrist lightly as he reached into his pocket. My breath caught as he pulled out a ring. I’d seen this pattern once before: twisted leaves and inlaid diamonds. He’d managed to save his mother’s hairpin.

“How?”

His brows furrowed and he seemed confused by my question. “I grabbed it,” he said, sliding it onto my ring finger.

I sniffled, not bothering to respond. Obviously, he’d grabbed it, but when? Everything from that time when I’d been kidnapped by the Cole family was hazy and confusing—I didn’t remember him even going near the hearth.

But…

“Why are you giving this to me now?” I asked, not wanting to offend, but unsure how to phrase it any other way. We’d been back for weeks, and there wasn’t anything really significant about today.

He let go of my hand, moving to my face instead and brushed his thumb across my cheek. “Because,” he said, “you’ve just levelled up. Just like in that game you play when you’re feeling violent.”

I wrinkled my forehead. “I’m not violent.”

Titus ignored me. “And it’s something to remind you.”

“Remind me of what?”

Instead of replying, he gave me a quick wink then released my hand to walk around his desk. He grabbed his jacket and my purse and without another word, closed his hand around mine, and led me from the room.