Chapter 17: Damen - Connection - Change

Damen
Connection

You hit a girl.

The accusation rang in my ears as shame filled me.

I’d already sent Kasai away for a time—the shikigami started berating me the instant she fell to the floor. He’d been, of course, trying to get my attention before that, a voice of reason in my head sent to warn me that maybe fighting Miles wasn’t the most brilliant idea.

But the lingering effects of her magic had been hard to ignore, and the thought of the priest being the one to bask in her attention filled me with a jealousy that I’d thought I’d long since moved past.

You hit a girl.

And not just any girl, but Bianca.

What the hell was wrong with me?

“You’re an idiot.”

For a second, I thought Kasai had returned. But the burgundy, velvet curtain separating me from the rest of the world was thrown back. I threw my hands over my eyes reflexively, squinting as Bryce lazily slid into my refuge.

“I see you still hide in theaters.” Bryce crossed his arms as he examined the small space. “Though backstage is a progression from when you used to weep in the janitor’s closet.”

“I am not crying.”

“You should be.” Bryce cracked his neck. “Do you require assistance to get to that point? I could break your face. I do owe you.”

“You fucking deserved that beating.” I lowered my knee, bracing my feet on the bottom stair of my seat. “And you can’t lecture me after what you put Bianca through.”

I regretted the words the instant I spoke them.

When Bryce arrived, his expression had been void of his usual brand of pompous loathing. In fact, there was something almost reminiscent of the old days in the way he’d off-guardedly carried himself. However, at my statement he withdrew, the guard falling back into his expression once more.

“Fine.” The chip was back on his shoulder, and his voice curt. “I didn’t want to be your friend anyway.”

The absurdity of his statement hit me like a ton of bricks, shattering past my darkening mood.

It felt like ages since I’d laughed so hard. “What the fuck?” I finally was able to wheeze out the question. “I hit Bianca, not you. What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, waving my hand in the fae’s general direction. I couldn’t see him though; my eyes were blurred from tears.

“We’re going to be friends again.” He sounded serious, glaring at me with a pointedness that caught my hackles to rise. “Or we’re supposed to be.”

He was serious.

The ridiculousness of the situation faded, and wariness set in. I eyed him as a chill ran down my spine. He was so prim and stoic—standing there in silent expectation. This didn’t bode well.

“Why?” I asked. It was him, after all, who ended our friendship.

The asshole. After I risked my life for him and everything.

“Because Bianca said so,” he said, inspecting his perfect manicure.

I gave him an even look, unable to put my thoughts into words.

She asked for us to be friends again?

I highly doubted that. If there was only one thing about Bianca that was consistent, out of many things that were not, it was that she held her wariness of Bryce in high regard. It was almost comical to watch—like a kitten poking at a much larger, and more patient, cat.

Bryce was the cat.

She wouldn’t want to risk losing me in this fight.

There was no way that’s what she wanted. They were exactly alike—Bryce and Bianca—and always reading into things, and statements, that sometimes didn’t exist.

Fae were literal by nature—at least, on some level—but some were more extreme than others: less able to assimilate even though they were fascinated by humans. Luckily, I’d had years of experience in dealing with them, as well as Finn, to know how to approach this.

“What did Bianca actually say?” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. It’d been a long time since I’ve had to break down one of Bryce’s statements.

“That you have other emotions outside of being a self-righteous prat,” Bryce answered, his guard lowering a tiny bit once more. There was an echo of my best friend somewhere in his underlying desperation. “It’s admirable how easily she sees through you while the rest of your quintet does not.”

His statement had been delivered in a factual manner, but there was an accusation in his tone that caused my heart to seize.

I stared at him in horror.

She sees through me…

True terror clawed at me, and it became harder to breathe. Sure, that was what she was supposed to do, but damn.

I wasn’t ready for this.

I could never talk to her again.

“Don’t worry, she still thinks you’re an idiot,” Bryce offered, leaning against the wall. “It doesn’t help that you’re trying to push your fetish onto her. You know she’s not going to be into it the way you’re imagining.”

That didn’t make it any better!

“I don’t want her to think I’m an idiot either!” I snapped at him, clenching my fists into my lap. And what did he know—he wasn’t there that day; she’d liked being taken care of.

Bryce shrugged. “I’m not sure why you think she wouldn’t.” His tone was almost accusing. “You’re trying so hard that you’re completely inconsistent. Like the first time I saw the two of you together—when you came slamming into my office, raving like a lunatic. What the hell did you think I was going to do to her? You know me, and you’re smarter than that.”

The stirrings of anger licked at my senses once more, and I glared at him. “I don’t trust you.”

You’ve surprised me before. The unspoken accusation hung in the air, and his glower moved from me as he pulled at his collar.

Good, he should feel guilty.

I never thought he’d abandon our bond.

And she was afraid he might spank her too. She’d said it, not me.

Obviously, he wouldn’t do such a thing, Bryce was nothing if not proper. But she was afraid, and I had to react.

“It’s not my place,” he said suddenly. “We can be friends, but I can’t be what you want.”

“What?” But then the meaning behind his statement registered. “Are you talking about why you left me?”

“What are you, my ex?” Bryce rolled his eyes. “You make it sound as though we broke up.”

“We did break up, you asshole.” I pointed at him, reignited fury as the memories came rushing over my thoughts. “I risked everything to help you when the Seelie King went after your family, and you left me high and dry. I almost died.”

“Yes.” Bryce’s eyes flashed, and he pushed from the wall, pacing. “I know.”

“You betrayed my trust,” I reminded him.

“I know,” Bryce repeated again, still pacing. “But I had no choice. It was the only thing I could do.”

My laugh sounded loud through the space, and before I’d registered moving, I was in front of him, finger pressed to his chest. “I’d love to hear what convoluted reasoning you’ve thought up to justify that.”

“You have no business dying for an officer.” Bryce was scowling at me now. “That’s when I realized you saw me as a replacement for Mu, and I couldn’t take on that role or that responsibility. What would Bianca have done if something happened to you?”

I stared at him in stunned silent, the wheels in my head coming to a temporary halt, before I finally was able to manage, “Are you stupid?”

I had to ask, but I already knew he was.

I pulled back from him and his blank expression, stalking across the room. “Fucking fae.” I punched the brick—the same hand I’d hit Bianca with—and the wall shuddered under the force of it. I’d been using most of my strength against Miles, only pulling back slightly at the last minute when I realized it was Bianca in my path.

But it still hurt her. She’d been tossed through the air, for God’s sake.

Idiot fae and their idiot sense of nobility and self-sacrificing natures.

It was no wonder she was scared of me now.

I didn’t realize I’d continued hitting the wall until Bryce’s hand closed down over my shoulder.

“Enough,” he said, grip tightening as he tried to pull me back. “You’re bleeding.”

So I was. I stared at the broken skin across my knuckles. My chest ached, and a prickling started low in my throat.

This was about so much more than broken promises and my anger being unleashed on Bianca—although both of those things needed to be addressed.

I still hated him. We still had unfinished business.

We’d been best friends. We knew everything about each other. And he lied.

He might not have known where she was, or what was happening, but he’d been proactive enough to realize I’d been becoming too dependent on him.

When I was finally able to speak past the lump in my throat, I asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

Bryce’s sharp inhale sounded loud in my ears, and his touch vanished. I turned before he could run, twisting the front of his shirt in my fist.

“Were you making fun of me the whole time?” I shook him, but he hardly moved. Instead, his glower deepened as his eyes flashed.

It’d been a long time since I’d seen him lose his temper.

“I thought you were better than this.” He grabbed my wrist, squeezing it. “Or are you really as selfish as everyone thinks you are?”

I opened my mouth to respond, temper flaring, when he interrupted. “It’s never been about you and your feelings. It’s about hers.”

“What?” That was the most asinine thing I’d ever heard. “How can you—”

Bryce continued, “If you’d known she was alive, out there somewhere, what would you have done?”

“Gone after her.” There’d been no hesitation.

“The monarchy and their lines are dying and they’re more than happy to bring the rest of us down with them. That ‘incident’ with the King is only a sample of what the fae world has to offer her.” Bryce’s frown deepened. “Not to mention the individuals of all our races who want to see her dead, just because of a prophecy. Our enemies outnumber our friends right now. She wouldn’t have stood a chance if she’d stayed, and you know it.”

“She didn’t have a chance out there either!” I released him, waving my hand in the air. “Just look at what happened!”

Even more than Eric Richards was now Jason mother-fucking Patterson.

Their ring was the largest, longest-standing organization that we’d never seemed to be able to bring down. It was during the first undercover operation, when it was run by Elijah Richards, that my Uncle Michael had died. The trail went cold for a while before Eric Richards popped up, and Abigail Geier left retirement just to try to help.

We’d thought they’d just died off—because of a new threat: the Patterson ring. Titus and I had been after him, in particular, for years. We’d spoken to some of his victims and seen the remains of the others.

I didn’t even want to think of Bianca being anywhere near him.

But it was thanks to her that we now knew they were related. It was a serious break that we needed, and now evidence from all three cases might be able to be used together.

Bryce’s eyes narrowed and he growled. “I know. Do you think I would have agreed if we’d known what might happen? She was with Kieran. There was no way he’d ever let her get hurt. That wasn’t the plan.”

“Then, genius, what was the plan?” He was hurt, and, of course, I knew what happened to Bianca wasn’t his fault. But it was still difficult to not blame him.

“She was supposed to come back,” Bryce snarled. “We’re not stupid, we know you need her. We need her too. She was always supposed to come back.”

“Yeah?” That’s what they’d kept saying.

“We didn’t have a lot of time to think it over.” Bryce inched back and rubbed his shoulder. “They brought her into the nursery and gave her to me to watch when father left the room, and Brayden was crying.”

So… “When did you switch them?”

Bryce shot me a sardonic look.

I shrugged my shoulders, a thrill passing through me at his unspoken confirmation. “It’s not hard to figure out.”

He sighed, posture relaxing. “Uncle Gregory and Kieran did it.” His words were almost rushed, as if he was happy to finally relieve himself of this burden. “They passed through the veil with her, dropping her off at a hospital as an abandoned newborn. Kieran took over from there.”

“That’s awfully convenient that there was another baby somewhere.” I was beginning to grow suspicious of my mentor. “Where did Bailey come from? Because I saw him with my own two eyes. Did they find and kill some newborn somewhere?”

“Ah…” Bryce’s moment of sharing was coming to an end, and his eyes flickered to the side as guilt rode heavy on his posture. “I can’t really—”

I gripped his shoulder, slamming him into the wall as I pressed my forearm into his neck. “Tell me,” I commanded. My other hand sneezed tightly around the charm at my neck—giving me the strength that I needed, yet it was a reminder not to go too far.

“Fine.” He sighed, giving in way too easily for someone who really wanted to keep his secrets. “Joe was there too.”

“Joseph Kohler?” I felt my brows furrow in confusion, missing the connection. “But Julian wasn’t there. So why would his grandfather be—”

“I don’t know why.” Bryce shrugged. “But you might want to ask your necromancer about some of the more deeply held secrets regarding his abilities.”

Yeah, that would never happen. Julian might not try to murder me anymore, but he definitely would not take it well if I pried into his business.

I could envision it now: we’d go out for a chat, man-to-man. Maybe kill something. We liked killing things—mostly non-human things, like the Snallygaster, but on some occasions, not in this life yet, it was especially enjoyable to go after a criminal.

To be honest, I think that he just didn’t like having to do the dirty work alone all the time.

But in any case. “Are you saying that necromancy was involved in this whole Bailey and Bianca switch?”

Bryce’s expression closed. “Necromancy, and a bit of changeling magic. That’s about as much as I can honestly say.” I could tell from the determined glint in his eyes that, this time, he wouldn’t give in further.

“Fine.” I stepped back, releasing him. “I’ll ask Julian about it when the time is right.” Which meant that I’d have to catch him in a particularly good mood, something that wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

He’d been more than unhappy with me, in particular, and almost every experience alone with him had ended with a lecture.

‘Damen, you can’t put so much pressure on her,’ he’d say. ‘Stop flirting, you look like an idiot.’ Along with variations of, ‘As much as it pains me to say this, you should just be yourself.’

Bryce was looking at me, expectant, and I realized that the last thing had been spoken by him.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, even though I was certain I knew.

“You’re brilliant,” Bryce said with a shrug. “I wouldn’t have wanted to be around you otherwise. I despise idiots. But Bianca’s right, and you know it. You shield your true self behind theatrics and drama so that no one can get close.”

“I do not,” I protested, my blood roaring.

Bryce shot me a disbelieving look.

My skin flushed. “Just because I’m hiding behind a stage doesn’t mean I have an affinity for theatrics!”

Bryce tilted his head and smirked, and I wondered why it felt like he’d won.

“So you’re hiding?” Bryce asked. “You admit it?”

“Fine.” Lord, he was a stickler for semantics. “Yes, I am hiding, big deal. But the point remains, I can’t show Bianca anything; because once she knows, everyone will know. She’s in enough danger just being her, as you’ve already stated.” I pointed at him. “Are you even considering what will happen once people know that I care about her more than myself?”

Bryce’s expression had shifted into something strangely sympathetic. “Do you?”

“Do I what?” I snapped.

“Care about her more than you care about yourself?”

I froze, breath caught in my lungs, as the enormity of what I’d just done weighed heavy against my chest. I couldn’t answer, couldn’t even think of a response, but it didn’t matter. Bryce wasn’t finished.

“It’s always been conjecture, of course…” He studied me in a particular way that caused my spine to stiffen. “That you, Huo, had feelings for Mu. It’s always been obvious on the other end. But I’ve only ever read theories that you’ve—in any life—ever been romantically involved with Mu. The others though, were obvious.”

“Because we haven’t been romantically involved.”

Bryce shot me a disbelieving look. “Well, it certainly looks like you’re trying now.”

Yes.

I couldn’t deny it. Things were different now in a way they’d never been before. There’d always been an attraction between us—one that could have very easily led to a sexual relationship. One that he’d tried to facilitate many times. But…

I couldn’t give into it.

Just being around me was dangerous, and his position—in the past—had always been risky and violent. Every time, in every life, he’d been hurt on my behalf was something that stayed with me.

Imagine how much worse it would have been if people knew how weak I really was. Once it was confirmed that, if they had the right leverage, I’d do whatever they wanted.

The hardest and most regretful decisions in all my lives were regarding Mu.

“It’s different now.” The stifling air was becoming almost unbearable.

“Yes,” Bryce said solemnly. “You’re jealous.”

Jealous?

A surge of indignation rose in me.

I was jealous, but I’d always been. That was something I’d grown used to feeling.

But jealousy was not what motivated me. It was an emotion I had to learn to keep in check—and I would even admit I was not doing the greatest job at it lately.

“She needs me.” For the first time in all our lives, she needed me. It’d always been the opposite between us—he’d been the source of my strength, and his advice gave me clarity in times when I had none.

But now I couldn’t rely on her in that way. In order for this to work, I had to be the one to change.

And for once, it didn’t sound like such a terrible idea.