Chapter 29: Damen - Hell - Change

Damen
Hell

I almost lost my balance as a chill shot down my spine at the gaping emptiness that suddenly twisted through my chest. As it were, I was barely able to catch myself, leaning heavily on Bryce—who stood beside me as we stood on the roof of Titus’s building, waiting for Maria’s arrival.

“Damen?” Bryce touched my arm, normally monotone voice heavy with concern. “What’s—”

“She’s dead.” Miles was clutching his shirt—having fallen to the ground the same time I stumbled—and was now sitting crossed legged on the floor. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering.

Julian, who’d been standing near the window, had also fallen back, leaning against the roof entryway as he covered his eyes with his hands.

So, him too.

“Can you feel it?” Miles asked me. His lost eyes sought out mine, and the rising panic in my throat threatened to consume my thoughts.

I could feel it.

My skin itched and burned, and there was the pressure of an overwhelming loneliness and fear that nothing would ever be okay again. I’d been wrong with Bailey, that horrible feeling held nothing in comparison. This was what it was like to have our bond break.

It felt like the world was ending—like nothing would ever make it right again.

“Dead?” Brayden stopped pacing as he kept an eye open for another message from Maria—as the lioness had only reconnected not long ago, saying that she would meet us here. He looked to the witch, an expression of utmost horror etched into his features. “Can she… but…” He didn’t seem to know what to say.

Bryce let go of my arm, grabbing my shoulder instead. He spun me to look at him. I was still too shocked to resist, and his olive eyes flashed as he searched my face.

I couldn’t tear my eyes from his as the bile in my throat rose at the sight.

I never even realized how much they resembled each other.

“Damen.” His words were rushed and filled with fear and worry. “Is it true?”

“It’s fine,” I lied, finally regaining my footing and pushing past the fae. “It’ll be fine…”

I felt sick as adrenaline coursed through me. What was I supposed to do at this point? I’d only just gotten used to having her around, had begun to depend on her, and now she was gone.

How could I pick up from this and help the others? They were looking to me for guidance—especially right now—but how could I go on?

“It’s fine,” I repeated, mostly to reassure myself. I couldn’t focus on much else. The others were watching me. I had to keep it together.

I had to take control.

I whistled, and Kasai swooped down from the sky, landing on the ledge of the roof. “My lord.” He bowed.

And it was nice of him to be so prompt and helpful, but—

“I didn’t summon you.” I felt my frown deepen and my stomach turned uneasily. Why wasn’t this working? Again. “Where’s Kiania?”

“She is indisposed,” Kasai said without pause. “She’s been injured in battle.”

“Battle?” What in the world was going on out there? And more importantly, why would she have been fighting? The only onmyoji able to summon her were Finn and myself. “How—”

“Mu needed her,” was Kasai’s cryptic reply. “I don’t know the details.”

My pulse roared and my necklace burned against my skin.

I was done with being kept in the dark. Complacency had cost me everything.

“Finn.” I’d barely spared my brother a second glance before this. He was sitting, back against the stairwell wall, with his face buried against his bent knee. “You’re coming with me.”

Asking him was something of an impulse at first—after all, it was best to have backup for this sort of thing—but as his blank expression met mine, my resolve steadied.

I hadn’t paid much attention to my brother these last few years. He’d been a loner, and I tried to respect that so long as he performed his duties.

Norman and I’d fought about it more than once, with my Jiangjun arguing that Finn’s continued absence was a reason to strip him of his position. After all, there were many things that were technically Er Bashou duties that the red-headed man performed in Finn’s absence.

But it never felt right. Any time I’d come close to considering it, Finn would return home with a new idea or some other matter that I’d been struggling with was suddenly resolved.

Not only that, but Finn was the only officer who put their own life on the line in order to try to help me.

Now, as I took in his lost expression, I was more certain than ever that I wasn’t mistaken in keeping him around. Finn was more loyal than I’d ever could have imagined, even to the point of risking his trust with me, and his deepest emotions, in order to do his job.

He loved Bianca. I could see it in his crestfallen expression. He’d loved her enough to sacrifice his relationship with me. And he loved her knowing that she’d never be with him.

Yet, he still did his duties. He’d taken on the role of multiple officers—alone—to take care of her when everyone else remained in the dark. Every time he saw her, there was no way he wasn’t reminded of what he’d never have.

Because he had to have known, from the very beginning, that she belonged to me.

How did he feel now? Within the span of a few months, we’d failed in protecting her where he’d succeeded for ten years.

And now he had no purpose.

Guilt and grief made my stomach churn, only disturbed by the steady course of low-burning fury. But not toward Finn.

Someone was going to pay.

“What did he say?” Miles’s question broke into my thoughts. He was still sitting on the concrete, only dazed, and mildly curious for my response. “Where are you going?”

But his question caused another pang to shoot through my heart.

They couldn’t hear Kasai anymore. I hadn’t even thought about that.

But with Bianca gone, I was already weaker.

I ran my shaking fingers through my hair, fighting to keep the composure. “We’re going to the Underworld.” I lowered my hand, grabbing my charm necklace. It burned with the need to be used, and the steady hum of it pulled at me. “I want answers.”

And I would get them. I didn’t care what happened anymore.

Finn stared at me, eyes widening before he moved to his feet without argument. And I had to give him credit—I’d never before invited an Er Bashou to accompany me. I had the Overseers to deal with things in the Underworld, while my officers maintained order in this realm.

The prospect of it must be terrifying.

But there was no hesitation in his voice as he looked at me, glasses catching the light and gray eyes flashing. “Okay.”

“No!” Julian was pulled out of his stupor and he stepped toward me. “You still can’t open that gate. She wouldn’t want that. Let’s just wait for Maria, try to find out what happened.”

“That’s right.” Miles jumped up; his shock momentarily forgotten. “You can’t—”

“Don’t you dare try to speak for her.” Bryce stepped between us, turning for the necromancer and witch. “Why wouldn’t she want it? She has a lot of anger, and it’s humans who did this—humans and shifters. They deserve it.”

“Don’t encourage it. You’ll be fine.” Miles frowned at the fae. “You can hide in your realm, but my people can’t. Besides, I’m telling you right now—just from conversations we’d had—that she hasn’t given up hope for this world yet.”

I opened my mouth—retort ready—when an ear-splitting cry cut through the brisk midday air, causing a chill to shoot down my spine. The heat cooled from the tips of my fingers, and the small promise of that something to come was planted in the back of my mind amongst the ashes of righteous anger.

Titus.

I didn’t dare to hope that we’d been mistaken. The sound was both blood curdling and chilling. There was only one thing in the world that could cause the dragon to sound like this.

Brayden raced to the ledge, trying to spot him first, maybe even to check if we should flee before he destroyed another building. Hopefully we’d have time.

I needed time.

I clenched my fist, still trying to calm my racing heart. Torn between the urge to—eventually—stop the dragon’s rampage, or to let him indulge in mindless destruction.

The wounded sound rang through the air again—this time from above us—and the sky darkened ominously as, a second later, the white dragon dove from the sky and crash-landed onto the roof. However, I had no doubt that his lack of finesse was not from having to relearn a forgotten skill, but rather from extreme frenzy.

He’d shifted back into a human within a second, and I’d barely glimpsed Bianca’s small form before he folded over her, shielding her from view as his shoulders heaved in soundless cries.

It felt as though the breath was knocked from me. He had her.

Julian was the first to react.

“Bianca!” He rushed forward, arms outreached, but he didn’t even touch her before Titus struck out, blindly swinging his arm as he let out a low, terrifying growl.

“Stay back!” he snarled, and my arms broke out in goose bumps at the tone of his voice.

But Julian wasn’t perturbed, panic was overriding all else. “Titus, move. Maybe I can do something!” He tried to pull on the dragon’s shoulders, but he wouldn’t move, and the necromancer’s pleading fell on deaf ears.

I studied Julian—his reaction was different than I expected. This urgency to get to Bianca wasn’t from a need to grieve.

My thoughts flashed through our earlier discussions. We clearly didn’t know everything about each other, but maybe, just maybe, there was something he could do.

Maybe it wasn’t too late.

Then revenge would wait until later, because no matter what the outcome, there was no doubt that whoever had done this would still pay.

Miles had joined Julian, trying to urge the dragon to release Bianca’s body, but he was having as much luck as the necromancer. And Bryce and Brayden were staying wisely out of it—a fae, even two of their stature, were no match for the dragon, especially when in this state.

There were only two of us here who were.

I caught Finn’s eye and inclined my head toward Titus. He didn’t hesitate, though his shoulders tensed readily, and he gave a short nod.

But there wasn’t time to waste, if Julian’s hurried pleas were anything to believe.

I pushed past the necromancer and witch, grabbing Titus’s shoulder and pretending that his snarls didn’t affect me at all. I couldn’t even dare sneak a peek at Bianca right now. It was taking every ounce of my concentration to wrangle the dragon away from our girl and back far enough to where he wasn’t trying to claw at Julian. Bianca, in the meantime, had been taken by the necromancer the second Titus’s grip slipped.

He roared in my ears, fingers reaching and arms swinging as he raged in his grief. Sweat dampened my forehead as it took every ounce of my strength—and my brother’s beside me—to keep Titus pinned down against the ground.

Soon it wouldn’t be enough.

“I can’t hold him anymore.” Finn grunted as the dragon clawed at his arms, but despite the painful-looking scratches, he didn’t let him go.

I was beginning to agree. The back of my shirt stuck to me as I leaned forward, pressed my forearm against the dragon’s neck. Despite the exertion of trying to keep him down—even with Finn’s help—there was the added factor that every one of the dragon’s whimpering cries broke through my defenses just a little bit more.

Bianca. He was her mate; he’d be able to sense it.

She really was dead, because if there was any hope, shouldn’t he sense her?

Suddenly Miles was there, slapping at my hands as he tried to push me away. But it was Titus he was addressing with his hurried words, “She’s alive.” He pressed his palm against the dragon’s heaving chest. “Titus, it’s okay, she’s still alive.”

Everything stilled—my breath, Titus’s movements, and seemingly, the world, as I dropped my arm and moved to my knees, staring at the necromancer.

She was alive. Miles had just said so.

Then why didn’t it look like that at all?

Julian was sitting with his feet folded under his thighs, and held Bianca curled into his lap in what appeared to be a deep sleep.

I wasn’t prepared—however—to see that she looked like hell.

Her clothing was completely destroyed, and her hair was damp with blood. Deeper bruising was beginning to blossom across the side of her face, and, everywhere I could see, her skin was riddled with bite marks and handprints.

It didn’t take a genius to guess what she might have gone through.

Violence rose in me with such a force that my skin grew hot from it. My focus was so taken by this, that it took a moment to even register the delicate gold and green peeking out from behind her hair.

It was enough—but barely—to distract me.

“Wings.” Somehow, I’d made my way to them, and fell to the ground beside the necromancer. Why did that short journey leave me so winded? “How—”

I didn’t have to finish my question; the others knew my confusion.

Mu had only ever had wings in our first life.

But then again, so, technically had Titus—at least functioning ones.

“No need to worry about it now.” Julian was bent over Bianca, lowering his forehead to hers. He wore a pained expression of intense concentration and his brows lowered and jaw tightened.

I didn’t want to ruin the fragile atmosphere with another word for fear it would ruin his efforts.

Then he sighed, opening his eyes as he peered into her face. She remained unmoved, but as I watched her wings retreated back into oblivion.

“It’s taking too much energy to keep those out,” Julian answered my unspoken question. “And she doesn’t have any to spare.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Miles rejoined us, sitting with his hands nervously twisting in his lap. “Should we take her to the hospital?”

Julian paused, glancing to Bryce for a moment, but both fae brothers wisely stood back, remaining silent. Right now, even though they were her brothers, and I was certain that keeping their distance took an immense amount of self-restraint, they were playing the protector role, leaving her to us. Finn, too, had joined them.

As things were supposed to be.

“No.” Julian’s forehead was wrinkled in discomfort, and it was then I’d finally noticed the sweat pooling near his hairline and across his upper lip. “They won’t be able to do anything.”

“Why not?” Miles asked.

Julian’s hands tightened over her hands, and he pulled her more firmly against him. “I don’t know how things got to this state, but she barely has any energy left to sustain life. We would instinctively stop using our abilities before that point. She was dead.”

“She was?” Miles tapped his fingers over his knees. “What happened—”

“Onmyoji,” Titus’s voice was hoarse with strain. He had rolled unto his hands and knees, but his deadened stare remained trained on the ground. “Jameson Duff and Albert Yates used her to get to me. They’re working with a few others—shifters and witches—and the Gens Humana guild.”

Onmyoji.

My vision burned red and a deep-seated hatred began to stir. This—combined with the increasingly disturbing news of the Underworld—was no coincidence. Where there was smoke, there was always fire.

I could forgive many things, but fucking with her was crossing a line. Especially when the perpetrators were my own subjects. I expected better.

I expected obedience.

And you don’t hurt what’s mine.

“Kasai.” The shikigami had remained silently alert throughout all this and bristled at the sound of his name. “Go home and tell the others to get ready.”

We were high past time for another purge.

Even though this was his first time in this situation, Kasai knew better than to protest. He only nodded once before vanishing into the air in a wisp of smoke.

The next time I’d see him, he’d be armed.

“How…” Titus was slowly becoming more coherent, but his eyes were still stone bright as he looked at Bianca. “How did you…” He was speaking to Julian, his words stifled and slow, as if it was painful for him to speak.

But Julian seemed to understand.

“I caught it before her spirit left. I’ve tied her life force to mine,” he explained, brushing her matted hair back away from her dirty face. “Her heart, and breathing, is following mine right now. She’ll automatically start on her own again once she’s regained some energy.”

“You’re literally keeping her alive.” My lips felt numb. I’d never felt so useless.

He really did clean up after my mistakes.

“In a manner of speaking,” Julian replied, still gazing down at her. “But this ability can’t be replicated by machines. I can’t put her down until she’s able to survive on her own.”

“Hey, Julian—” He’d done so much already, and I was forever grateful. But there was still one more thing he might want to help with. “—want to go kill something with me later?”

He did look up at that, Miles and Titus too. For once, the priest kept his protests quiet, allowing his judgement to be fueled by the less-benevolent aspects of his craft. And Titus was already two seconds from ripping anyone’s head off, so there was no protest from him.

Maybe it was finally time to do things Julian’s way.

His eyes glittered and there was something almost feral in his sudden smile. A sense of peace fell over me, a tingling sensation that ran from the top of my head down to the tips of my fingers. The rage was still there, as was the need for revenge.

But there was no apprehension or fear.

The four of us hadn’t been on the same page about something this big in a long, long time. And when we joined forces, the world knew about it.