Chapter 32: Bianca - Change - Change

Bianca
Change

* * *

The restaurant was all warm colors, crystal chandeliers, and candlelight, with skylights scattered across the ceiling. There were a number of patrons inside—families and couples—but we were lead through a back hallway, and I was only able to glimpse them through breaks in the curtains.

“This isn’t only a restaurant for fae,” Titus whispered low in my ear as he guided me after the hostess. “Shifters normally come in from the west—those are where the biggest packs are—and onmyoji from the south. Witches don’t generally come here; they are usually afraid to eat fae food. And necromancers keep to themselves.”

We were shown to a private room. There was a garnet-colored love seat, tastefully arranged gold-framed photos of landscaped sceneries, and sconces on the wall. The small round table was in front of two French doors leading to a private balcony.

Titus moved in front of me, pulling out my seat as the hostess left menus at the table and delivered her short greeting. Then, she was gone.

I sat in my seat, nervously twisting my fingers in my lap, while Titus moved to his. The table had already been set with goblets filled with ice and water, and he picked up the glass, downing the contents with two long swallows.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was nervous.

“I am,” Titus replied. “I’m worried about the future.”

The… future?

My fingers went numb. Could this be what Maria meant when she said he’d be angry at me for not escaping? But if I had, then Titus would be dead.

Or just really, really hurt.

“There’s always the possibility that I’m going to get hurt,” Titus interrupted my thoughts. He was watching me, stone-faced as he lowered the empty glass back to the table. “It’s my job to protect you four—and especially you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that you’re safe. Even if it means that I have to put myself in harm’s way.”

My knee bounced, and the world faded as only the two of us remained.

I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that at all.

“You are not to do something like that ever again,” he said, voice steadily commanding.

But…

I stared at him in silence, my blood turning to ice. I didn’t want to argue, but I couldn’t promise that. What about the others? I couldn’t just let something happen if I had the means to prevent it.

His face fell, and he leaned forward, elbows to the table. He ran his fingers through his hair. The motion pulled some of the tightly tied curls loose, and his hair fell across his eyes, his expression defeated.

“At least promise me this then.” His voice was almost a plea. “Try to be careful, and don’t ever sacrifice yourself for me.” He reached across the table and held his hand out, waiting for me to return the gesture. His larger, strong fingers closed around my knuckles, and he pulled them toward his mouth. I could only watch, butterflies fluttering in my stomach, as he kissed the tops of my fingers and held on to them. “I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

Something about his admission pulled at my heart, and I leaned forward, trying to catch his eye. “Titus…”

But then our tuxedo-clad waiter appeared, and Titus reluctantly dropped my hands and leaned back. It wasn’t until he asked for our order that I realized I hadn’t even perused the menu at all, and my throat closed in a panic.

“Um…” I hurriedly read through the elegant script. “C-chicken?”

The dark-haired man lowered his notepad slightly, before replying, “Ma’am, we don’t have chicken.”

I gaped at him. No chicken? What kind of establishment did not have chicken?

And ‘ma’am’? I was not that old.

“Our specials are Pear and Pomegranate Lamb Tagine, Filet Mignon, Herring…” he continued, but I already knew that herring was off the table.

They were too much like sardines for my liking, and everyone knew sardines were of the devil.

“L-lamb is fine,” I stuttered, and another wave of embarrassment washed over me. Since returning, I might have been fine with speaking to the others in my direct circle, but there was still a lingering fear of anyone else. It seemed like, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, it wouldn’t just go away.

“You don’t need to ignore it.” Titus waited until the waiter left before he pushed his foot against mine, much like he had during our last date. “And it’s not something that is just going to go away. You’ll talk to Du Yun about it, right?”

My face grew hot. “Maybe.”

“You’ll get there,” Titus said, nodding in understanding. “Du Yun is eccentric, but very good at what he does. Just trust him.”

I agreed, though I wasn’t entirely certain of this process at all.

But our conversation was cut short as the fancy breads arrived, as did the appetizer, and soon our focus was entirely on the meal.

That was, until dessert was finally finished and we were left to linger, sipping at our coffee. Titus had grown silent again during the meal, and the nervous line of tension was back on his shoulders.

“Can we go out there?” I asked, glancing toward the balcony. Maybe he only needed some fresh air.

He didn’t respond with words but got up and pulled out my chair for me. Then, as I stood, he moved ahead to open the doors.

Oh.

Well then, I guess that answered that question.

I left my jacket behind—we shouldn’t be out here very long. He’d shoved his hands in his pockets, uncharacteristically brooding as he watched me move to the railing, but still leaving me with enough space to be alone with my thoughts.

Well, in a manner of speaking.

“We can work on it,” Titus said, finally coming to me. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me against him as he shielded me from the cool breeze. Not that it was excessively cold here—there was something different in the way the air felt and tasted from the world I was used to—but it was still rather nice, regardless.

But what were we supposed to work on?

“Protecting your thoughts,” Titus replied. “I’m not sure if there’s anything we can do, but there’s probably something. However, I’ve asked around to other shifters who had mind-reading abilities with their mates, and they’ve brought up ways for you to keep certain things private.”

“It’s not that.” I sighed, even though it was one of the things that bothered me.

“Then what is it?” he asked. “You’ve been upset about this ever since we’ve gotten back. You think about it all the time. You knew I could read your thoughts as a dragon—what makes this so different?”

Because he wasn’t always a dragon.

“Okay.” He sounded put out. “I get that. So—”

I was ashamed.

His arms tightened and his breath quickened as he asked, “Why?”

“B-because…” I hated myself for stuttering at a moment like this, but things were too close to the surface to ignore. I’d been trying to avoid thinking about it for this reason—I didn’t want him to find out. But now that it was only the two of us and there were no distractions, it seemed impossible to control my thoughts anymore.

I’d decided that I was going to try, but that didn’t mean I’d be any good at it. But even more than that were the other implications that being a mate entailed. Even though I’d been trying to be brave—trying to pretend it was no big deal and to ignore everything that had happened—just the very thought of sex still terrified me. Even more now than ever before.

I might be able to be brave about other things, but not this.

And here we were, on this very fancy date, and in the romance novels, fancy dates usually led to things.

No one deserved my mess.

“Princess.” He ran his arms down my shoulders, then guided me to face him. “Remember when I said we’d talk later about what being with me meant?”

I nodded, my mouth suddenly going dry in apprehension over the recollection. It was there, after he’d found me in the woods when I’d run away from Julian and Damen, that he told me that, one day, we’d have to discuss the whole ‘virgin’ thing.

But I wasn’t sure I was ready for it to be today.

“It’ll be today, and you’re ready.” He grabbed my waist, setting me into a seat on the balcony. He caged me in between his arms as he leaned in, and my breath quickened in apprehension. “We’re not going to have sex.”

It took a long moment for his words to register, but when they did, I could only stare at him dumbly.

I didn’t understand. The dragon babies.

“There’s nothing to not understand.” He grabbed my arm and rubbed his stubble against the inside of my wrist. Titus’s eyes were dark and his voice husky as he said, “When we finally get together as true mates, we’re not going to have sex.”

Still, though.

“What we’ll have is more than that.” His eyes didn’t leave mine as he moved his mouth to the inside of my wrist. “I’ve only ever been with you for one reason and one reason only. You’re the only one I’ve ever felt this way for. And it’ll be the same for you—nothing you’ve done in the past will be like what the two of us share.”

But there’s the nudity factor, and the mechanics. I was no stranger to that.

“What has been done to you were acts of violence. Technically, yes, you’ve had sex. But that is nothing like what’s in our future.” Titus stepped closer as he grabbed the back of my head. “Now do you understand?”

I looked up at him, really, really trying to get what he was saying. But, no.

All I knew was that I felt safe with him now, especially after what we’d gone through together. I trusted him with my life. But, still, sex was something entirely different.

His gaze darkened, focusing on my mouth, and before I could even think about it, he lowered his face toward mine. However, he didn’t kiss me, like I expected. Rather he’d begun to nuzzle at the skin under my jaw.

I gasped, bringing my hands up to pull at the front of his shirt as his teeth grazed lightly over my neck. He was barely touching me, and my blood was already boiling, and my pulse raced as the wetness of his mouth closed over my skin, but it wasn’t from fear.

“I’m in control right now.” Titus’s words sounded so distant to my ears. The focus of my attention was pinpointed on that one location, and, gradually, to where his hands were trailing down my back. It was maddingly slow, and my breath hitched in apprehension of what he might do next. “But you’re not scared.”

Hearing Titus observe and discuss my own thoughts was a little bit unnerving, but somewhat interesting in a way I didn’t expect.

“You feel protected and cared for right now,” he continued, trailing his kisses along the line of my jaw until, finally, he pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “And that’s the way it always will be, even when we do, eventually, make love.”

Make love? My heart fluttered.

But that still meant—

He pressed his mouth against mine, not allowing my thoughts to finish—as he stepped between my knees and wrapped his arms around my waist. “You’re not going to think about it,” he was saying in between breaths, “because I won’t let you focus on the things that scare you. And then you’ll see the difference.” His words ended with a light growl as his kiss became more aggressive. There was nothing soft in the way his fingers curled in my hair, pressing firmly against my skull. And nothing gentle in how his lips pushed against mine, teeth nipping on my lower lip as he sought to dominate the situation.

The difference? The difference between what?

I wasn’t even sure what he was talking about anymore. The only thing that mattered was this feeling. It was strange—and it was only me. With Titus, I wasn’t being affected by anyone else’s emotions.

And I wasn’t freaking out. I couldn’t blame the others for this.

Did that mean it was still possible for me?

“You’re still thinking about them.” Titus pulled his mouth back slightly. “I don’t like it.”

I stared dizzily at him as my stumbling thoughts fought to stabilize.

But before I could even try to make sense of it, he’d renewed his attack. His hand moved to the small of my back, pressing me forward until the bulge in his pants was nestled against my crotch. There was no denying what the pressure against me was, but, right now, worrying about it was the furthest thing from my mind.

“I’m going to make you forget everything else,” Titus breathed against my ear. “Because when you’re with me, you’re only mine.”

“What…” I sucked in a breath as he nipped at the hollow of my throat. It felt like he was everywhere, and my skin tingled in the wake of his movements. His fingers firmed in my hair, pulling at me until my neck was completely exposed. I studied the stars, my vision dizzy, as he began to nip his way down my throat.

“I thought you were a virgin?”

His movements halted at my question.

I’d been wanting to ask this for a while—since he’d so expertly played footsie with me during our lunch date and even more so, now. “How did you learn how to—”

“Julian insinuated that I had no idea how to please a woman,” Titus replied, his breath drifting over my neck. “So I did some light reading.”

“Light reading?” I wanted to laugh. This was some heavy, expert-level stuff. Maybe he really was as brilliant as Julian had said.

“Why, thank you,” Titus replied, not sounding at all embarrassed. “I tried really hard to understand. Do you think I’ve got it?”

“Yes…” My reply was pathetically girlish and breathy. He definitely got it.

“Good.” He pulled away, his forceful grip loosened, but only slightly, as he pulled my face back down until our eyes locked once more. “Then we’ll continue this another day.”

I was still dizzy from his assault, and his words barely registered. “What?”

Titus smirked and stepped back as he brushed his hands over my arms and shoulders, setting me straight. “We’re done.”

But…

“What?” I could only dumbly ask again.

This wasn’t fair! For the first time ever, I was totally into it and had no mental breakdowns or anything. Why would he stop?

“You’ll appreciate it a lot more later.” Titus set me back to my feet, then he was no longer touching me either. My skin was still tingling in the places where he’d held me.

“But…” My words failed me for a completely different reason.

That was stupid! I wanted to make out now. This wasn’t the deal at all. We were supposed to be following my lead.

That’s what everyone had been telling me all along.

His smirk widened. “You’re going to have a shock with Julian then.”

“What?” I narrowed my eyes at the dragon, no longer feeling generous toward him. “Why?” Julian would absolutely be down to do whatever I wanted. I could go home to him right now and he’d kiss me and stuff. “Besides, I thought you didn’t want me thinking of anyone else.”

“I’m just warning you.” Titus brushed his sleeve. In the span of a few seconds, he’d completely put himself back together—not that he’d been frazzled much to begin with—and it was as if we totally hadn’t been doing what we were doing out here. “I find it charming when you challenge me. Damen thinks it’s amusing—”

Amusing? Damen was the one who needed to be challenged the most. That was quite possibly the most insulting thing I’d ever heard. He should be terrified.

“—and Miles…” He paused, his nose wrinkling in mild disgust. “Well, Miles is turned on by it. But Julian,” he said, and the serious look he gave me shot a shiver down my spine. “Well, actually, I’m not sure how he’d react. He’s not entirely himself right now, especially with you. But normally, he’d see a challenge from you as something to address.”

That reminded me of Anthony’s conversation, and I frowned and touched my finger to my chin. “I know.”

Titus sighed before moving past me to lean on the bannister with his arms crossed over the railing. He was silent a moment, eyes dark as he gazed out over the mountainous view. It was dark, only the light from the moon and stars filling the sky, but I knew he was probably able to see much further than me.

What was he looking at?

“The veil that separates the two courts,” he replied, still focusing on that place out in the distance. “Right now, we’re in-between realms. It’s neutral here, but there’s going to be a time when you’ll have to go there.”

There, to the left. Then probably the Unseelie court first. That’s what everyone seemed so worried about.

“They’re right to be worried,” Titus said. “But we have something else to complete first. Julian and Damen are both struggling, especially with everything that’s happened recently.”

I leaned back against the bannister. My stomach twisted nervously at the idea that either one of them needed help. Especially because I had no idea what to do about it.

“You need to bond with Damen.”

Why would he bring it up this way? I mean, that much was obvious. I’d been told from the beginning that I’d have to connect with them all, and Damen had always been last on the list.

So now it was his turn.

“No, you don’t understand.” Titus stood back up and began to pull his hair back into a ponytail. “Damen is last for a reason. Despite him being codependent and needing you, he’ll be the one who resists the most. And to be honest with you, I don’t think he’s going to do it, especially after what happened. Seeing you die—twice—has changed something in him.”

“He’s seen me die before. It’s not like it’s a big deal.” At Titus’s questioning—and almost affronted—look, I explained, “In past lives. This can’t be the only time something like this has happened.”

Titus’s jaw tensed. “No,” he answered. “But it’s different this time. You’ve been gone, and he was finally starting to feel comfortable allowing you back in. Then the bond vanished again. He’s furious and is terrified of turning you into even more of a target.”

That was stupid. “I’m a target just being who I am, right?”

Titus’s reply was thick with guilt. “Yes, but that’s my problem. I’m meant to defend you. So it’s not his fault. That reasoning makes it easier for him to plan around. But this time, or any time, you’d ever get hurt because of him, he’ll take it personally. Honestly, I get it. And right now, he’s not thinking clearly.”

That wasn’t anything new. “So, I’ll just talk to him. He’ll understand eventually.”

Titus chuckled. “Good luck with that.”

I wouldn’t need luck; this was my job. “What about Julian?” I didn’t understand how this would help him.

“Julian carries around a lot of hate and anger,” Titus answered. “Because of things that had happened in his past and feelings he’s brought into this life. Right now, he’s redirecting his issues onto onmyojis in general, but mostly Damen and Finn.”

“Yes.” I had noticed this, especially toward Finn.

“When I think he’s moved on, one of them will do something to set him off again.” Titus leaned back against the railing.

Moved on from what though? What kind of grudge was he carrying?

“Don’t get me wrong. Julian has reason to be angry,” Titus said, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes. “But he’s taking it out on the wrong people. That’s why, right now, it’s dangerous for him to use his abilities to control Damen. Because, honestly, I don’t trust him to stop himself.”

I studied the dragon, wondering if it was even worth pressing my luck to ask why Julian was angry at onmyoji.

“That’s something he’ll have to talk to you about when he’s ready,” Titus said. “But even outside of that, he’s naturally cautious. Onmyoji are the quickest group to misuse their abilities, followed by the fae. I watch over both courts to make sure that they keep their shit in their world and out of ours, even if”—Titus interrupted me before I could protest—“you were fully in your role. That isn’t going to change.”

“Isn’t that my responsibility though?”

Titus shook his head. “Your job is to rule them, and yes, you’re meant to keep them in line. But no one can know everything. Part of our role is to check in on any misuse of abilities from the group and the person they are responsible for overseeing. You guide your people while making sure that Miles and his lot aren’t plotting to take over the world.”

Miles? I pressed my hand against my chest, suddenly breathless. But he would never…

“Yeah, that’s why your job is easy.” Titus grinned. “Most witches are solitary and only want to make their own worlds better but have no interest in the larger scheme of things. You’ll notice that people like the Cole family are rare, and you’ll only find the occasional misguided witch and their messed-up love spells.”

“Yeah…” I leaned against the bannister once more. The Cole family had messed up things pretty badly though, and every time I thought we were done with them, something else seemed to pop up. “So easy.”

“You’ll get it.” He gently tugged the bottom of my braid. “But for now, what do you want to do?”

I glanced up at the moon. It was growing harder to ignore the two courts where—eventually—I’d have to visit.

“Can we just sit here a while?” I asked, turning my face up to the sky. With Titus around, it seemed easier to keep my chaotic thoughts at bay, and before I finally went to meet my biological father, I just needed some time to regroup.

“Sure.” Titus wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. “We’ll stay as long as you want.”