Chapter 2 - Eleanor - Purge With My Demons

Giordana:

Are you still coming to Purge tonight?

Eleanor:

Yeah, I’ll be there at like 7:30. He’s meeting me at 8.

Giordana:

K, cool. I close so I’ll be here.

Eleanor:

You’re the best, G.

Giordana:

🖤

Papers were scattered across my desk—completed to-do lists, graphic requests, random notes from Roxanna about lunch or coffee orders—leaving it like this on a Friday afternoon would drive me nuts. Finally, I had my desk clean, and I was just about to close down all the computer programs for the day when I heard the all too familiar and godforsaken ding of an incoming email. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Deep down, I knew that if I didn’t at least see who the message was from, I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it all weekend.

Slowly opening my eyes, I peeked at the email application. Seeing that the new email was an advertisement for some editing software that we didn't need, I quickly hit “DELETE” and shut down the computer. Gathering all of my things, I shut off the light on my desk and made my way to the elevator. As usual on a Friday, I was the last person here besides the security team and the maintenance crew. Waving my goodbyes to them, I put on my headphones and made my way onto the busy street.

The twenty-minute walk through Brooklyn was relaxing, especially this time of year. The weather in New York in early fall was perfect. Having grown up in the south, I felt like I never got to experience seasons like I got to experience them here. My mood swiftly changed and my anxiety was high when I started to think about the date I had that evening. I put on a Lana Del Rey playlist, knowing it would help calm my nerves as I took my time walking home.

Approaching my front door, I noticed a few small items on the edge of the window. My hand brushed over the rough brick before grabbing the button and safety pin. Ms. Nichols and I started feeding some crows a few weeks ago, and one has started leaving me trinkets. I was thrilled, because ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to have a crow friend, and I finally had one. One day, I hoped I would finally see the crow leave the trinkets.

Once inside, I dropped the button and safety pin in a little ceramic ramen bowl by the front door. This unreasonably obnoxious and useless bowl called to me from a thrift store window a few weeks ago. I needed it, simply could not go on without it, and now it had a purpose. Turning to scan my cozy living room, Luci sat patiently for me by the couch.

My black cat Lili gave me a look that was pure sass as she sat on the kitchen counter. So, I topped off her food dish and dramatically bowed away so that she could indulge while I took Luci on a walk. The small bell on the bright red collar around her neck jingled as she jumped down from the counter and pranced over to the bowl.

Luci and I began our walk around the block, and she was eager to be outside. I felt guilty about cutting the walk short, but I didn’t want to reschedule the date again. Brad and I had started talking on SPARK a little over a month ago, and I already had to reschedule twice. I didn’t know if I was ready to start dating again, but Giordana encouraged me to at least try a dating app. She knew how much my breakup with Rhiannon hurt me, and she wants to help me heal. I appreciate it more than she will ever realize, but I was shitting bricks.

My phone buzzed with an incoming notification as I began getting ready for the evening.

SPARK ⚡️

BRadGamer: Really looking forward to tonight!

Glancing at the clock, I saw it was 6:13pm. It would take me about 15 minutes to walk to Purge, so I needed to leave by 7:15pm. That gave me about an hour to get ready and relax. My phone buzzed again to remind me of the notification. Oh, shit. This is why I didn’t do this crap. I constantly forgot to respond, my awkwardness always got the best of me, and I would much rather be home on the couch doing nothing. Fuck, I needed to reply to him.

SPARK ⚡️

NorLuvsGore: Me too

Giordana would hear about that damn username until the end of time.

Staring at the clothes in my closet, I decided that instead of spiraling and trying on everything I own, wearing something I knew was comfortable and looked good was my best bet. My hands immediately gravitated toward a simple black dress, platform boots, and a harness. Simple accessories would accentuate the outfit perfectly, so I added those next. Once I was dressed, I decided to retouch my eye makeup, adding winged eyeliner and a dark brown lipstick. I used some texturizing spray in my shaggy dark brown hair to freshen it up and fixed my bangs with the straightener.

Stepping back in front of the full-length mirror, I gave myself a once over. Luci had made her way into the bedroom and was lying on the bed behind me. “Well Luci girl, what do you think?” My sweet Doberman was my confidant in the house. Lili did her own thing and only wanted attention when she demanded it or needed something. Luci was my rock. Her ears perked up at my voice, but she relaxed back down less than a second later.

“Agreed, this is as good as it’s going to get.”

I plopped down on the chair in my room and began to mindlessly scroll through social media, liking various pictures on my feed did wonders to distract me and pass the time. When 7:10pm hit, I slipped on my trusty leather jacket, gathered my wallet and phone, tossing them into a studded wristlet with my keys, and headed out the door.

* * *

My favorite bouncer, Ty, was at the door when I made it to Purge. “Hey, Eleanor. Damn girl, you look great!” He complimented me with a huge smile.

I playfully smacked the big guy on the chest. “Thanks, Ty, you’re not so bad yourself.”

Pulling me into a side hug, he asked, “You just here to hang with G tonight?”

“No, I actually have a date,” I replied, crinkling my nose.

“Hell yeah, fucking happy for you, El!” He squeezed me a little tighter to his side.

“Thanks, I appreciate that.” I shrugged as he let go of me. “We’ll see how it goes. My expectations are low.”

“You know we are here all night, so you can hang out as long as you want. We’ve always got your back.” He tossed a wink my way.

I smiled and gave Ty another hug and made my way inside.

Purge was my favorite bar in Brooklyn. Not because my best friend was a manager there, but because it was like home. Purge was one of those places you could come to any time of day and you were just comfortable. During the day, it was a cafe with delicious pastries they got from the Italian bakery. Soft jazz music would play in the background, and everything in the space was eclectic and mismatched. The large space was full of knick knacks and taxidermy, dark vintage artwork, creepy pictures, old books, dark, oversized velvet furniture, high-top tables and chairs, a few large tables scattered along the walls and an L-shaped counter toward the back. Out back was a stage and outdoor bar where they would host local concerts and shows, even markets, every now and then. I knew Giordana had been working her ass off to book more local bands.

As I made my way inside, Giordana was talking with some of the staff behind the bar. She sees me and points to a small table with two large red velvet chairs. There was a tiny handwritten sign on the table that read “Reserved” in Giordana’s nearly illegible handwriting. Snatching the sign, I stashed it in my clutch. The last thing I needed was Brad thinking I was some weirdo who reserved a table at a bar for our date. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. 7:37pm. Deep breaths, El.

The next thing I knew, there was a curtain of dirty blonde hair and a glass tumbler between my face and phone. “Thought you’d like this,” Giordana whispered as she handed me my favorite drink, an apple whiskey on ice.

“Ugh, thank you,” I responded with appreciation. I take a sip of the smooth beverage and savor the warmth down my throat.

When I opened my eyes, which I hadn’t realized were closed, Giordana asked, “Nervous?”

“Yeah, just a bit.” 7:42pm.

“Finish up this drink, it’ll take the edge off.” She quickly took a good look at me and with a light squeeze on my shoulder, she added, “You look gorgeous! Just be yourself. If he doesn’t like you for you, fuck him. If he does, also fuck him.”

“G!” I shouted and smacked her arm.

She chuckled a little. “What? I’m just saying, you never know.”

I scoffed. “I’m not anticipating that, my expectations are low. But sure, who knows?” Rolling my eyes, I attempted to wave her off.

“Well, this table is yours all night.” She pointed to where the Reserved sign was. “Hey! Where did my sign go? I worked hard on that.” Her hands were on her hips.

“I moved it. G, come on. He will think I’m nuts if it looks like I reserved a table here for us tonight. Purge doesn’t even take reservations.”

Rolling her eyes and feigning annoyance, she mumbled, “Ugh, whatever.” We both chuckled as I took another sip of my drink. “Just flag me down if you need anything. Some guys from a band are coming in at like 8:30. I’m going to chat with them, but I’ll be around.”

With a huge smile, I playfully shove her shoulder. “Did they book a show? Are they local? Who are they? I have so many questions. You’ll have to fill me in on Sunday.”

“Yes and yes! I’ll fill you in, obviously. I’m so excited. I think you will be too.” Giordana smiled and winked as she walked away. 7:45pm. Just 15 minutes, El.

The ice in my glass clinked when I took the final sip. I realized then that maybe the reserved sign wasn’t such a bad idea. I needed to use the bathroom, and the place was starting to fill up. Pulling the sign out of my bag, I placed it on the table and quickly walked my empty glass over to the counter on my way to the bathroom.

Taking one last glance in the mirror on the way out of the ladies’ room to ensure I didn’t have lipstick on my teeth, I mentally thank Giordana again for that drink. One foot behind the other, I take deep, soothing breaths on my walk back to the table. Tucking the makeshift sign back in my purse, everything around me begins to settle, and I try to calm myself down. I had managed to waste just enough time. Right before 8 o’clock, I saw Brad make his way through the front door.