Chapter 6 - Eleanor - Purge With My Demons

I was ripped from the darkness of sleep by hot dog breath on my face and a cat kneading her paws on my pillow. I really wish these animals understood weekends. Begrudgingly, I rolled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. It was a miracle I didn’t trip over Lili as she weaved her way between my legs, the bell around her neck ringing while I moped toward the cupboard. Filling her food bowl, I scratched the top of her head and made sure her water bowl was full. Luci was already at the door, ready to go for a walk.

The streets around my place tended to be pretty empty this early in the morning, so I didn’t bother with my headphones. Surrounding myself with the near silence in a city that’s typically very busy provided a sensory juxtaposition that was incredibly relaxing. My chest felt warmer and lighter, the cobwebs cleared from my mind, and I was just Eleanor again. I wasn’t Eleanor, the graphic designer for Gelert & Co. Not Eleanor, the poor, sad girl riddled with anxiety who lost everything when she moved away for college. Just Eleanor Loch.

Luci halted on the sidewalk, catching me off guard, before we turned the corner onto our street. She was staring off into the park across the block. She was hyper focused, in a predatory stance with the fur along her back raised.

I squat down next to her and look in the direction she’s fixed toward. “What do you see, sweet girl?” Luci grumbled. Nothing looked out of place in the direction she was staring. It was a small park with a few benches, a swingset for kids, and a few trees scattered around. The fog was hanging low, but nothing looked or felt out of the ordinary to me. But after last night and the whole interaction with Brad, I couldn’t help but feel extra cautious. Luci had proven time and time again that she could sense things that I couldn’t. Maybe her reaction to whatever she was seeing is just residual protectiveness, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

I tried my best to distract her by loving on her and scratching behind her ears. Finally, I coaxed her to start heading back home. But as we started walking, I could tell she still wasn’t quite back to normal, and I had a weird feeling too. My stomach felt as though it may drop out of my ass. I’d always known Luci was special, but last night she proved it. So, I put a bit more pep in my step to get us home.

Once inside, I triple checked that the door was locked. I fed Luci and decided to go back to sleep. I was still exhausted from last night, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

* * *

I sat around a campfire with a group of people. They all know each other well, their conversation natural. A young woman, maybe in her early 20s, tried to stand from where she was sitting with the group. Her pregnant belly made it difficult for her to get around, but a man, presumably her husband with how comfortably he reached for her, got up to help her.

She swatted his offered hand away. “Hugo, stop it. I’m not helpless! I’m going to bed.”

I looked at the man, who was staring down at his feet as the woman waddled away. He looks defeated—this clearly wasn't the first time something similar had happened. A black snake slithered out from behind the fire, looking directly at me then to the woman, beckoning me to follow. My legs forced me to stand, and I followed the snake and the woman who was making her way into a small hut on the outskirts of this tiny village.

I pulled the heavy, make-shift fabric door to the side. I could only assume it was some type of animal hide, and saw the woman sitting on what looked to be a bed. She was braiding her hair back and humming a soothing tune.

Once she finished braiding her hair, she began smoothing a salve on her round belly. The hut began to smell of cardamom and lavender. It was both refreshing and relaxing. As the woman continued rubbing her stomach, she recited, “To be healthy, to be safe, to be free.” She did this until the salve was completely soaked into her skin.

She looked down at her stomach and whispered, “My dear Eleonora Beatrice, you will have a wonderful life.”

Then, the woman looked up at me, her dark brown eyes a perfect copy of my own.

* * *

My phone began ringing. Peeking my eyes open, I looked at the screen and saw it was Giordana.

I answered the phone with grogginess lingering in my voice. “Morning, G.”

“Hey, are you okay? It’s not like you to sleep this late on a Saturday.”

I pulled the phone away from my face and looked at the time. It was just after 7:00am. “It’s not that late. Last night was rough, and I didn’t sleep well. I took Luci out this morning and fell back asleep.”

Giordana chuckled, and I could hear Ty in the background say something. “I just wanted to call and check in on you, see if you need anything.”

“I’m just going to lie low today. I have shit I need to do around here, and I want to relax for a day, ya know?”

“For sure, babe, no worries! If you change your mind, just text me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thanks, G.”

“Love you, mean it.”

“Love you, mean it.”

Lying back down, I stared at the ceiling trying to recall my dream. Some of the details were starting to slip from my memory. I considered grabbing my phone and typing out the details that I remembered, but that sounded like a lot of work. So, I continued staring at the ceiling. My mind was stuck on the baby’s name in my dream, Eleonora Beatrice. The irony wasn’t lost on me that the name was so close to my own. And Beatrice was both mine and Giordana’s middle names. It was one of the things we bonded over right away. It also wasn't a common name these days. Her eyes were the exact color brown as mine too. Which wasn’t that strange, a ton of people had brown eyes, but it just felt so unsettling. My mind was definitely playing tricks on me.

I heard a door open and close going to the backyard. Ms. Nichols must have been going outside to have her coffee. Luci heard her as well, jumping off the bed and scurrying to the back door. She loved Ms. Nichols, and I couldn’t blame her.

Ms. Nichols wasn’t just my landlord, she was like the eccentric grandmother who was always there when you needed her. When I was looking for places to live in Brooklyn, I was terrified because Giordana got the job at Purge, and it came with the perk of living in an apartment above the bar. The space was way too small for the both of us, and I wasn’t going to let her give up that prime living space or her dream job. When I found this place, it was perfect, and Ms. Nichols was the cherry on top.

I slid out of bed, and Lili followed me into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Slipping on a hoodie and some boots, the enticing aroma of coffee drew me back to the kitchen, and my typically racing morning mind began to settle. Grabbing the pen and notepad by the coffee pot, I wrote my list of things to get done for the day.

Laundry

Vacuum

Grocery shop

Dog park

I found myself drifting back to thinking about the brown-eyed woman in my dream. Long, dark brown hair, braided over her shoulder. Round, pregnant belly. Staring directly at me. My stomach began to feel hollow and unsettled.

BEEP! BEEP! I startled, dropping the pen as the coffee pot finished and brought me back to the present. Luci whimpered at the back door. “Okay, girl. Just a second.” I grab the salted caramel syrup and squirt a few pumps into my mug, then top it with the delicious dark liquid and open the back door to join Ms. Nichols.

“Good morning, Luci.” I heard Ms. Nichols greet Luci cheerfully as my pup most definitely ran out into our minuscule backyard. I’m not even sure you can call it a backyard. It was a concrete pad with a table, two chairs, and about 15 square feet of grass. We used it though, because we knew how lucky we were to have the space.

“Morning, Ms. Nichols,” I said with very little effort. There was no hiding my sour and tired demeanor from this woman. She could read me like a book. It was a little scary, truthfully.

“What’s the matter, Eleanor? You aren’t looking quite yourself this morning.” The sweet old woman pointed out. Normally, I’d be offended when someone said this to me, but I was pleased to talk to her about all of this. Luci was lying in the sun, ears perked up on high alert, listening carefully to our surroundings. Her head makes tiny jerking turns at the slightest sound. My coffee mug made a loud clang as I set it on the iron table. I plopped down in the matching iron chair and sighed deeply.

“I had a rough night, and—.”

She huffed a laugh, cutting me off. “Yeah, I heard,” she said into her coffee mug.

I dropped my face in my hands. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry you heard that. That’s so fucking embarrassing.”

“Who was that man, Eleanor?”

“I met him on a dating app.” I cringed as those few words slipped past my lips. “It was the first and last time I will ever go on a dating app. Giordana was just trying to me get out there. Her intentions were in the right place. But I just don’t think Brad was it. We had a good time at Purge, which is why I invited him back here. Luci was not a fan. She wouldn’t even let him in the house.”

Ms. Nichols turned to look at Luci, and one side of her lip curved into a half smile.

“I got Brad away from her, and well, you heard all of that.” I let my face fall into my hands again.

Her soft, warm hand was on my forearm, rubbing soothing circles. “Eleanor, you’ll meet someone. Just give it time. If you don’t meet someone, oh well, you can be an old, single broad like me.”

When I finally lifted my head from my hands, she was looking at me with a wide smile. But her light blue eyes were twinkling. They had nothing but deep sincerity and care etched in them. I grabbed her delicate hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She playfully pulled her hand from mine and gestured for me to drink my coffee as she had a sip from her own mug. “Now tell me girl, besides this Brad joker not doing it for you, you had a good night, right?”

I rubbed my temples and stifled a laugh as Ms. Nichols chuckled her heart out. We sat outside for a while and finished our coffees while I recounted the events of the night before. I did, however, leave out most of the details of the goings-on in Giordana’s office. I also didn’t share any details of my panic attack. Sharing that vulnerability with anyone other than Giordana wasn’t something I’ve ever been comfortable doing.

The last sip of my coffee was pleasantly sweeter than the rest. It had just a little bit extra of the salted caramel syrup. I savored that last drop for just a bit longer with my face toward the sun, my eyes closed. I looked over to Ms. Nichols, who was watching birds flit about the small trees. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Girl, if you don’t stop staring at me like I’m going to die tomorrow, I might just evict you.”

I gasped with mock dramatics. “Ms. Nichols! You would never.”

“You’re right.” She looked at me, the corners of her mouth lifting into a small smile.

I grabbed my mug and stood. Luci made her way over to the table. “We are going to head back in and get some things done. I’ll be going to the market later if you need anything, just give me a call.”

“Thanks, honey, I’ll let you know.”

I leaned down to kiss Ms. Nichols on the cheek. She squeezed my arm in response. “You’ll find your match. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Luci led the way back inside.

* * *

My place was enveloped with a delicious sandalwood scent. I had successfully managed to clean and light candles throughout to help reset my space. The sweet and spicy fragrance was calming and helped me relax.

My stomach rumbled. I walked to the kitchen and remembered one of the last things on my to-do list for the day was to go to the grocery store.

“Dammit,” I muttered to myself.

I did the bare minimum to get ready. Yoga pants, an oversized band t-shirt, vans, and a baseball cap. Simple and comfortable.

I triple checked that I blew the candles out. Lili and Luci lie peacefully on the couch. “Bye, babies, I’ll be back soon.” I grabbed my essentials and headed out the door.

As I made my way onto the street, it was abundantly clear that people were taking advantage of the beautiful weather. The streets were busy. The early October weather lured people outside when the sun was shining and it was a crisp 63 degrees. Headphones over my ears, a playlist began playing as I walked to the grocery store.

Maneuvering through hectic New York streets was a science, always knowing where you were going and being sure not to bump into too many people as you made your way to your final destination. The grocery store I preferred wasn’t the closest, but they have the best deals, and they sold the coffee I like. It was a 30 minute walk, but when it felt as though the sun was wrapping me up in a warm blanket, it was nothing.

About halfway there, I got a strange, hollow, sinking feeling in my stomach. I immediately equate it to the fact that I haven’t eaten today. I scanned my surroundings and didn't see anything out of place.

Continuing my walk, I paused my playlist but kept my headphones on. This way, I could be more aware of my surroundings.

I finally made it to the grocery store. As I started to gather my items, my phone vibrated with an incoming text message.

Giordana:

Hey just checking in on you.

Eleanor:

I’m good. Grocery shopping now then going to lie low the rest of the night.

Giordana:

Good!

Continuing my shopping, my phone vibrated a few more times as I got in the checkout line. Ignoring it, I finished my shopping and stepped up to the cash register.

“Have a great week!” the cashier said cheerfully as I gathered my bag.

“Thanks so much, you too,” I responded.

I stepped out onto the busy sidewalk and immediately heard tires squeal. There was a huge commotion at the intersection right near the grocery store. Everyone stopped in their tracks. A woman started screaming. I had no clue what happened, but everyone was running.

My phone vibrated again. Four text notifications were on my home screen—one from Giordana and three from an unknown number.

My anxiety spiked, and my hands started shaking as my eyes scanned the texts.

Unknown:

The streets sure are crowded today.

I’d like a chance to redeem myself, Eleanor.

Make sure to stock up on the coffee you like.

I broke out into a cold sweat and sank down the brick wall to the sidewalk because I knew exactly who this was, and I never gave him my number.