Chapter 14: From Ashes to Ashes - It Started With a Friend Request

January 13

It was almost a fortnight since they had returned from Goa but still Tamanna kept ignoring Deep. Their conversations were restricted only to office work. Her silence made Deep more anxious and left him baffled. He knew there was something cooking in her mind but he couldn’t figure out what.

Tamanna was sitting at her desk with her pen stuck in her mouth, thinking about Deep. Though she wanted to show she couldn’t have cared less, the truth was she cared for him deeply. Although she had lost out one opportunity, she was waiting for another right time to tell him. She started typing on her phone:

Every morning, I think I need you, your fragrance, and your smile around me. If you look at me only once, I’d be your slave for life. I don’t just want to hold your hand—a part of me wants to set you on fire and hold you closer while the flame consumes us both. I want to kiss your heart so I know that only I possess it entirely. I sense your presence even while laughing and talking with others as if an invisible chord runs straight from my heart to yours. You are tied down deep inside my head and I play my crazy love games on you without even letting you know. If I let you know everything I feel, can you handle my love and madness? Will you satisfy my thirst the same way you do inside my mind when I satisfy myself?

She went near Deep’s desk and ordered him to stay back in office after work hours for a client meeting. Deep nodded in agreement as he took it as an opportunity to reveal what was going on in his mind. He couldn’t take it anymore.

Finally, the time is here. Today, I will tell her all about my life and will apologize for having hurt her. I know I might lose my job because of this, but I don’t have any other choice, he thought.

The clock ticked away slowly. Tamanna counted each minute and mentally went over all that she had planned for the evening. She went to Mr Verma who was busy in scheduling meetings and asked for a few minutes of his time.

‘Mr Verma, I am supposed to go to for a client meeting and office cabs are not available. So can you…’

‘You need not worry. You can take my car. Provided you have a license,’ Mr Verma joked while handing his car keys to Tamanna.

He obliged expecting Tamanna would return the favour with interest sometime in the future. After all, Tamanna was a beautiful girl with a great body which was good enough to tempt Mr Verma.

‘Mr Verma, should we drop you home? We are going via Andheri.’

‘I think you carry on. I will be late. Just take care of the car. By the way, who you are going with?’ he enquired.

When Tamanna told him that she was going with Deep, Mr Verma gave her a naughty smile. She didn’t react but just nodded and left. Each step towards Deep was an indication of how desperately she wanted him in her life. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that she was somewhat addicted to his manly voice and personality.

Tamanna briefed him about the meeting without telling him about the venue, saying that it was not only important on a professional level but also on a personal level, since it never hurts to know your co-employees a little better. She even told him that this meeting could open new doors for him. Deep couldn’t understand what she was referring to. Only she knew that she actually meant it could open the door of romance in their lives. Tamanna’s each step was forcing Deep to let the cat out of the bag.

Tamanna kept driving silently, navigating through the traffic of Navi Mumbai. Deep was getting anxious to know where they were heading. They had passed Nerul and she still hadn’t halted yet. He tried his best to remain calm and not question her unnecessarily. However, once they passed Khargar, Deep grew impatient and inquired, ‘Where exactly is the meet? It will be too late for you to travel back home so late I suppose.’

‘It’s okay, Deep. I don’t mind it as long as I am with you,’ Tamanna said and winked at him.

Before he could react, Tamanna’s phone rang. He could clearly hear her telling someone that she had reached Andheri and had parked the car safely. Deep found it strange that she was lying to someone about the location. By now he was completely confused about what was happening. He sensed something was wrong. One thing he was very sure of was that there was no client meeting at all.

‘So there is no meeting, right?’ he asked anxiously.

‘There is. A meeting is scheduled. The only difference is that it’s not an official one. It’s our personal meeting. Just you and me,’ she said slowing down the car.

‘So where are we going? Why did you lie to me?’ Deep screamed. He was losing his temper but controlled himself because he thought that he couldn’t get a better opportunity to talk to Tamanna about certain things that had been on his mind. He quickly changed his tone and said, ‘Even if you had told the truth, I would have come. After all, you are not only my manager but a good friend too. Am I wrong, Tammy?’

She nodded and reached out for his hand. Deep felt a bit uncomfortable when she came close to him, but he knew he had to bear it a little longer for his own sake. If he would have shown even slight resistance, she could have lost control of the car. He knew very well that Tamanna hated rejection. He remained silent, all the while wishing they reach the destination soon. He was still clueless about where exactly they were heading to and Tammy’s constant touches irritated him. She even massaged his thighs and rolled her fingers over his jeans which made him restless. He was about to scream in anger when they reached the destination.

He read the board next to a grocery shop which said ‘Shiravli Village’. It was a place near Panvel.

Tammy got down from the car and went to the shop. Deep feared something unexpected might happen and he thought of informing his friend about it, but things were happening so quickly that he couldn’t think straight. Tamanna returned with a plastic bag that she kept on the back seat. Deep tried to figure out what was in it but quickly couldn’t. As Tamanna started driving again, Deep looked outside the window trying to find out where they were going. The car stopped in front of a big gate which had a nameplate beside it.

‘Khanna cottage’. It looked like a farmhouse. Deep’s heartbeats increased and he crossed his fingers trying to guess what would happen next. He somehow kept calm as he wanted to make his point clear today anyhow. A caretaker opened the door and Tamanna parked the car inside. They got down from the car and she told him to follow her.

The sun had set and it was getting dark. The bizzare silence of the small village of Shiravli frightened both Deep and Tamanna. It made them more anxious and impatient, though for different reasons. After being ditched in Goa, Tamanna’s infatuation had increased even more. For Deep, it was like a nightmare from which he wanted to wake up at the earliest. They both went inside the farmhouse after parking the car in the lawn.

Once inside, Tammy took out bottles of whiskey and vodka from the plastic bag and placed them on the table.

‘Tammy, please explain what’s all this? It’s getting on my nerves now,’ Deep said asking for a clarification.

‘I wanted to tell you something from a long time but never got the chance to do so. I am sorry that I had to lie to you, but I don’t have any wrong intentions. Please relax and settle down. Just give me some time to change, as I am feeling uncomfortable in these formal clothes. I’ll join you in 15 minutes,’ said Tamanna and went to change in the room.

Deep tried to act as normally as possible since he not only wanted to save his job but his dignity as well. He removed his handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He was extremely nervous and had anticipated what was coming his way. He kept thinking of various ways to defend himself and save his job.

His family flashed in front of him and he kept thinking about being jobless. It was not that his financial condition was weak, he kept thinking about what his dad had to go through when his company shut down suddenly and he went into depression when the income flow stopped. That depression had become the very cause of his death, as he could never find employment again. However, those days were different and there were many new opportunities nowadays. This was one of the reasons why Deep was very professional in his work and never liked taking shortcuts to achieve professional success. He was extremely sincere in his work and never ever thought that one day he would have to face such a situation in his life where he would have to fight with his phobia to be loyal to his personal commitments. He couldn’t resist the temptation and served himself a drink, gulping it in one go. He had gathered courage to speak his heart out today and waited for Tamanna to join him.

He was making another glass for himself when Tamanna opened the door and came and stood next to the sofa. She had changed into a pair of slacks and a loose green top. She walked towards the table and poured herself a drink. Deep was stunned to look at her behaviour. He was not only shocked but also surprised at her posture while she sat in front of him sipping the drink. She had a spark in her eyes which he had never seen before. She kept the glass on the table and gazed at him. Deep tried to take his eyes off her but couldn’t resist looking at her since she looked so alluring. Tamanna knew exactly what she had to do. She went closer to Deep and sat beside him. Deep moved away slightly but she covered the space by shifting slightly to his side.

‘Are you okay? I don’t think we should do this. We shouldn’t cross our limits of friendship,’ Deep muttered. She was inching closer to him and soon her lips almost met his. There was hardly any space between them.

‘Deep, why do you always think about imposing limits? Do I ever stop you from doing anything? I have been wanting to tell you something for a long time now,’ she said and relaxed on the sofa.

‘There is some string attached between us that brings me closer to you every time you smile at me. As we slowly got to know each other, I started daydreaming, thinking about us taking long walks, holding hands, kissing each other, and doing everything that lovers do—from gentle kisses to passionate moans. I have waited so long to express what I feel, but failed every time due to some or the other reason. I had planned to tell you everything in Goa too but you fell ill and I had to drop my plan. I’ll do whatever you want but accept me in your life. I never thought that I could love someone so much. Believe me when I say this, I can cross any limits to make you mine. But Deep, no matter what happens, I’ll always love you until the end of time. Just touch me once and make me yours. Touch every part of my body and set it on fire. I need you. I need you for all the little things we do in life. Now that I’ve found you, will you be mine forever? Trust me Deep, I never knew love like this before,’ she said.

She came closer to him, so close that she almost fell on him, and said, ‘Please Deep, say something. I want to know what you feel about me. For God’s sake, don’t be quiet. I want to hear you say ‘I love you Tammy’. Deep, I beg of you. Don’t you love me? Don’t you feel that I am beautiful? Look at me. Look at every inch of my body. Isn’t it curvy and sexy enough to turn you on? If yes, then let me hear you say that. Every day I dream of you saying those words but today I want to hear it for real…’ She went on and on until Deep sealed her lips. Not with his lips but with his fingers. She moaned slightly as his fingers touched her wet lips.

‘Listen carefully. I need to tell you something extremely important which can shatter both our lives, but I have to,’ Deep muttered and got up from the sofa and walked towards the window with the glass of drink in his hand. It scared Tammy to such an extent that she sat emotionless observing each of his movements.

‘Tammy, it’s not possible. I mean are you getting what I am saying?’ He moved towards her and continued, ‘I lost my dad at early age. I am the only son in my family and I can’t mix my professional and personal life. I know you feel it’s weird for me to think in such a way but yes, I can’t go beyond our friendship and be your life partner. I don’t want people talking about us in office or pointing out fingers at me, the way they do with Kajal. People are too narrow-minded when it comes to such relationships. They don’t understand the depth of any relationship. They just need some hot topic to discuss and I don’t want to be the topic of such discussion. Therefore, I think we should stop here. Moreover, I knew what you were upto. You had already expressed your feelings towards me in the taxi when you were drunk. I don’t think you remember because you were not in your senses. Thus, I tried to keep some distance whenever you tried to open up your heart to me. But it’s high time now and I don’t want to raise your hopes. I never combine my personal and professional life. I have always maintained a gap between the two and never shared anything with you about my personal commitments. I don’t know if you will believe me or not but I am already committed. It’s been more than six months now and I can’t betray her and break her trust by doing such things with you. I love her a lot, so much so that whenever I am not engrossed in official work, I am either with her or thinking about her. No one else can be on my mind apart from her. I am madly in love with her. I should have told you this long before when I came to know about your intentions, but I never got the chance. The couple of times I did get an opportunity, I chickened out for unknown reasons. I hope you understand my position. We are friends and will continue to be so. However, please don’t act like this. It will force me to break friendship with you.’ He sat on the sofa and gulped another glass of drink. He closed his eyes and relaxed for a bit as he had finally managed to clear things with Tammy without the fear of losing his job.

Tamanna couldn’t believe what she had heard. She stood there completely numb as a wave of terror swept over her. All her dreams had shattered in a few minutes. She felt fear creeping over her.

‘Deep you can’t do this. Do you even know how much I love you,’ she said moving closer to Deep. Alcohol had completely taken over her. She was becoming a bit aggressive now in trying to force him to change his mind.

‘From day one, it has just been you. Do I look like a slut to you? I have never ever allowed anyone to touch me because I have always dreamt to be with you. I want you to touch me first and no one after that can even dare to do it again. You just can’t walk away shattering all my dreams and wishes! I can’t let you go. Not so easily. I know even you lust for my body and desire my love. You just don’t want to accept the reality. You want to run away from it to your dream world where you sleep with that bitch. Move on Deep, come close to me…feel me…feel my body… Please don’t break my heart today. I have waited for so long… not now,’ she said and hugged him tightly.

‘Tammy, stop it! Are you out of your mind? I’ve already told you I don’t love you. I am committed,’ Deep said raising his voice, but Tamanna barely moved an inch. She rested her head on his chest.

‘Deep, don’t stop yourself. I’ll give you whatever you want. But don’t leave me like this. I need you. I love you and I can’t even imagine my life without you. Please Deep… I want…’

‘Fuck off… you have lost it,’ he shouted and pushed Tamanna so hard that she fell on the sofa. He continued, ‘How many times should I tell you that I don’t feel anything for you? I love my girlfriend too much. I think you won’t understand like this. Let me show you our pictures.’

He went closer to Tamanna and took out his cell phone from his shirt pocket. He opened his mobile’s gallery and showed her various pictures of of him with his girlfriend. The pictures left Tamanna speechless. They were of no one else but ALEESHA! She was the girl Deep was dating! She looked at the pictures carefully and then at Deep. Before she could speak, Deep screamed at her, ‘You know her, right? Now do you believe what I said or should I bring her in front of you? We are completely in love with each other and no third person can come between us. Neither you nor my profession. I never let your hopes go up, but the way you are behaving is disgusting. There is a limit to everything and you have crossed all limits. Do whatever you want, but I am going. I can’t stay here even for a minute.’

He took his bag and started walking towards the main door. Tamanna got up and tried to stop him but he was too strong for her. He didn’t even look at her and left the place, leaving her heartbroken, disillusioned, and dejected. She had lost the battle of love. She couldn’t control her temper and threw the glass in anger. She even broke some of the showpieces kept in the living room and screamed loudly, sobbing in pain.

She was in complete shock, and kept on gulping glasses of alcohol and inhaling drugs. She couldn’t take this loss. Deep had turned her fears into reality and ripped her heart into pieces. Her smile vanished and deep melancholy took over her. She lost herself when she lost him. She realized that their paths were different and they could never meet again.

‘You just played with my emotions and now it’s all over. You left without even looking at me and without even thinking of my pain once. You swept me out of your life like dust on the floor. I gave you all that you wanted but you didn’t even care once. You walked away and didn’t even turn back. Should I think that you just used me? Or was I a fool to support you when you didn’t even speak a word to me? If such is the case, then one day you will be sorry for what you have done to me. I’ll not let you go away so easily. If you can’t be mine, then I’ll make sure you can’t be with anyone else. I’ll make you beg for my love. I’ll make sure you lose everything you have and come back to me so that I can give you everything you want…’

She took out her cell phone from her purse. She looked at the screen and saw an unread message. She ignored it and called Deep but he didn’t answer. After several calls, his phone became unreachable. This irritated her and she screamed out loudly.

‘If you can’t be mine then I’ll make sure you can’t be with anyone else either. I’ll make you beg for my love. I’ll make sure you lose everything you have and come back to me so that I can give you everything you want…’

She kept on repeating those words. She was unaware of what she was doing, and every second, the intake of drinks was killing her from within. She scrolled her contacts list and saw Aleesha’s name on top. She thought for a moment and then called her. It was too late but she kept on calling her until she picked up.

‘Hi Tammy di, how are you? Why are you calling me so late at night?’ Aleesha asked.

‘So I shouldn’t call you at this hour? Or you are making out with your boyfriend?’ Tamanna shouted.

‘What? Are you drunk? How dare you…’

‘Shut up! How dare you… You didn’t even think once how I would feel? Not even once? I helped you so much when Mumbai was an alien city for you. You forgot everything and played dirty games on me?’ she screamed.

‘What are you saying Tammy di? I am…’

‘Don’t dare to open your mouth, you bitch. If I had known that you were a slut, I would have… And you think your boyfriend will keep you happy? You think he won’t ever ditch you? Your boyfriend has left me alone… You might not know that he worked with me in my office. But today, he tried to force me to be physical with him. When I didn’t agree, he tried to force himself upon me. Somehow, I managed to protect myself… these guys won’t ever understand us and will continue to play with our emotions. I am warning you to stay away… the rest is up to you. You decide whether to trust me who supported you every time, or trust a guy who has just come in your life and is pretending to be loyal to you. He is a big time cheat who loves playing with the emotions of girls and misuses them as mere toys.’

Tamanna disconnected the call before Aleesha could say anything. Aleesha on the other hand was completely taken aback after all that Tamanna had said. She called Akash but his cell phone was unreachable and she dropped him a message. Aleesha tried calling Tamanna several times but she didn’t answer because not only was her cell on silent mode, but the effect of drugs had taken a toll on her. Aleesha was left helpless, with no choice but to wait for the morning to know what was happening.

Tamanna walked outside and opened the door of the car. She sat in the driver’s seat but could hardly open her eyes. She had put the car on first gear and pressed on the accelerator when she saw a light flashing on her cell phone. It was Aleesha again. She disconnected the call and saw an unread message symbol blinking on the screen. She thought of reading it while driving but her phone stopped working. She threw the phone on the side seat and raced the car through the darkness of Shiravli village with the thoughts of revenge running in her mind and tears rolling down her eyes. She was breathing heavily as she felt the pain in her heart.

She recollected the moments she had spent with Deep. Her head spun like a merry-go-round and she could not understand how Deep had given up on the opportunity to be with her. She cursed herself even more for not asking Aleesha about her personal life. She always remained aloof, lost in her own thoughts and beliefs. At least she could have once asked Deep if he was committed. At least she could have enquired from someone in office whether he was dating someone or not. At least she could have asked Aleesha when she called to say she was going out with her friends. All these thoughts kept running in her mind and tears kept rolling down her cheeks. Slowly her eyesight became weak and everything seemed blurred. She kept her foot the accelerator and raced on through the flyover at Khargar near ‘Three Star’ hotel. The streetlights were off, but still she continued to drive rashly, taking out all her frustration and anger on the accelerator. The car was running at a speed of more than 100 kmph even in the darkness. The darkness that Deep had filled in her life made her shiver. She was trying to fix all the pieces of her life to get a clear picture of all the incidents that had occurred in the past few months. The more she stressed her mind, the more she sobbed and her vision became more and more blurred.

Her cell phone had started working again, so she picked it up to read the unread message. There were no vehicles on the road and Tamanna was driving at a breakneck speed. It was Deep. Her heart pumped faster and her shivering turned intense. Even though she could hardly read what was written on the screen she tried doing that while the car was racing at the speed of 110 kmph. She looked down read and:

Tammy please don’t take me wrong… She brought the screen closer to her eyes, and pressed her foot on the accelerator, which made the car gain maximum speed. She started reading again:

Tammy please don’t take me wrong. My intention was not to hurt…

The car skidded towards the left and then towards the right. She had lost control of the car completely.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeetchhhhhh!!! The car crashed onto the divider with a loud bang. The car bumped into the divider at full speed and rolled over twice on the road.

Disappointment, disbelief, and fear filled her mind as she lay on the side of the road struck inside the car. The weight of the car pressed down on the lower half of her body with monstrous force. She couldn’t move. Everything had happened so quickly. She lay there trying her best to comprehend what had happened. She saw some cars driving by and tried to yell but found it difficult to scream. She could feel the bitter taste of blood in her mouth. She struggled to move but the car was thrashed so badly that she couldn’t lift a finger. Every minute seemed like a lifetime. She was counting her last breaths and had closed her eyes gasping like a fish out of water. She waited for someone to help her out.

Everything had come to a standstill in the last few hours of Tamanna’s life. The dark side of her was probably hidden due to her introvert nature.

It’s rightly said that when you are in love, you should throw caution to the winds. Tamanna had taken the saying too seriously and it had landed her here, in the midst of a debris with no one to help her out.

It’s not falling that hurts, it’s that sudden halt at the end that does.

Love isn’t addiction, it’s the attachment and obsession that causes destruction.

The saddest truth in all this chaos was that Tamanna had closed her eyes forever, leaving behind many unanswered questions.