Chapter 29 - Life

Michelle had been lying on the couch since forever. At least, that was what it felt like. She was almost convinced that if she didn’t get up soon there would be a bedsore to deal with, and even with her depression, she was bored of it. The reality of it though was just a couple of days, but it was long enough. Not that it wasn’t enjoyable. Her head rested on Cam’s lap; her wife’s fingers rhythmically pulled though her hair. She hadn’t felt this relaxed in months. But there had been a thought going through her mind for the last hour, and she couldn’t shake it.

“I want to go home,” she announced before sitting up, turning to face Cam. “Can we go home?”

“Are you sure?” Cam frowned, the sudden turnaround a concern.

Michelle looked away briefly, but her eyes returned to settle upon Cam’s. She always melted into those ice blues staring back at her. “I just…I want my babies,” she admitted, surprising even herself.

Cam smiled. She’d been mulling over a plan all day too, but she wasn’t sure if Michelle was ready or not yet, so she hadn’t mentioned it. But now felt like a good time, so she said, “What if we stayed here, but they came to us? We were going to come up here anyway, wasn’t we?”

Biting her lip, Michelle considered it. “I guess that would work.” She grinned, a smile that felt real for the first time in months.

Cam shifted in her seat before she reached out a hand and gently let her fingertip trace Michelle’s jaw. “I’m just really enjoying the peace and quiet up here. I think it’s the best place for us all to just spend some time together. So, I’ll get hold of Mum and organize bringing them up here.”

“Do you think she will want to stay, and help?”

“Yeah, I think she would love that. I’ll organize everything.” She leaned in and kissed Michelle’s forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Michelle smiled and snuggled back into Cam’s arms. “I like it here.”

“Me too,” Cam agreed, tightening her embrace. For a moment they sat quietly, both thinking their own thoughts. Cam considered the conversation with Lucy the previous evening. Maybe this was the right time to broach that if they were planning to stay a while. “Lucy mentioned something earlier that I said I’d bring up with you. I’m not sure how viable it is, or whether you’d even want to do it, but I said I’d ask.”

Michelle sat up again, twisting to look at Cam. “What is it?”

“Storm.” The mention of the little girl’s name made Michelle smile, and Cam considered that maybe it would be a good thing. “So, she’s got the lead in the school play, as you already know, and is taking it all deadly serious. Apparently, someone remarkably close by inspired her.” She grinned when Michelle smiled once more. “Lucy has been helping her, but she thought maybe it might be something you’d like…”

“I’d love to. I mean, I don’t know…” She frowned. “Darcy and Noah will…”

Cam placed a finger to her lips. “We’ll have Mum here, and I can do my bit with them…You’ll have plenty of time just for you, and if you want to spend some of that with Storm…”

Michelle leaned in and kissed Cam tenderly on the lips. “I would like to help her, and you’re right, it might be something that can take my mind away from worrying about things.”

“I’ll get it sorted then.”

“No,” Michelle said quickly. She glanced over at the clock; it was almost three p.m. Nicole would be back by now with the twins, Storm not too far behind. “It’s okay, I can…I can do it.”

Cam grinned. Were they really at a turning point?

Michelle got up, checking her watch. “Storm should be home soon. I’ll pop over now and have a talk with her.”

Cam watched her as she rose from the sofa and left the room to get changed. She sent up a silent prayer that this would be helpful, and then she found her phone.

“Mum, I need a favor.”

* * *

Timidly, Michelle knocked on the door of their neighbors’ cabin and waited patiently for someone to open the door. When Nicole answered with the biggest smile, it put her nerves at ease, and gradually the smile on her own face appeared again.

“Hey, you.” Nicole reached out and pulled her friend into a hug. “How are you?”

Hugging back, Michelle realized how much she needed this. “Oh, you know. Falling apart.” She chuckled, but the tears that filled her eyes cut off any pretense of being fine.

“Yeah, well we are all entitled to do that once in a while. Come on in, let’s sit down and catch up.” She pointed to the kitchen table, and Michelle pulled out a chair as Nicole called out, “Hey kids, say hi.”

Rain and Summer waved and shouted hellos from their spot on the couch, but neither took their eyes from the TV. Wynter toddled about picking up chunky bricks and dropping them onto the floor again, giggling but pretty much ignoring his mother and their guest.

While the water boiled, Nicole studied Michelle as she watched them all just doing their thing.

“You picked a quiet moment to come over.” She smiled, handing Michelle a mug of tea. “School is over, so they pretty much give me an hour of quiet time while the TV is on.”

Michelle took the cup. “Thank you. How do you do it? I can’t cope with two, and you have four. I just…how do you manage all of that?”

Nicole pulled another chair out from the dining table and sat down next to her. “I guess you just learn along the way. It was easier when it was just Storm, but then I had her father to deal with too, and I think she picked up on that. She was always such a quiet baby. But when the twins came along, it was a lot different. And now, with Wyn, it’s different again.”

Michelle smiled with such sadness that Nicole felt it. “I feel like such a failure already,” she admitted.

“Why?” Nicole asked gently, placing her cup down on the tabletop and reaching out for Michelle’s hand.

Closing her eyes, Michelle tried to hold back the tears. “I don’t know, I just…everything I do is just…Not with Noah, he’s so placid.” She smiled quickly. “But Darcy, I think she hates me.”

“Ya know, babies and mothers, nobody gets a manual. We’re all winging it; she’s testing her little boundaries.”

Michelle nodded. “Yeah, Cam said the same. And I know it hasn’t helped that she has colic, but I just feel so…inadequate?”

“Did you speak to the doctor about how you’re feeling?”

She nodded again. “Yeah, she prescribed something and said I have postpartum depression. I feel so much better already. Honestly, those pills are magic, or maybe it’s just having the time away. I dunno, but I do feel better.”

Nicole squeezed her hands. “Well, that would suggest that you have something going on medically and once that settles, things with Darcy won’t be so bad.”

“I hope so. I really miss them.”

Nicole smiled. “Of course you do. You’re their mother and you love them.”

“I do, I really do.”

The door opened and a clattering of sound occurred when Storm came rushing in, dropping her bag and lunch box, kicking off her shoes, and running through, coming to a skidding halt once she realized that Michelle was there.

“Michelle!” she said excitedly.

“Hey Storm. I heard you were looking for an acting coach?”

The little girl’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Sure, if you want me?”

“Oh my goodness, are you serious?” She turned quickly to her mother, and then Lucy. “Mama, did you hear that?”

Lucy laughed. “I did. I guess I am fired?”

“Yes,” Storm said excitedly. “I mean, no, never, Mama. But you can take a break.” She turned back to Michelle. “So, when do we start?”