Chapter 26 - Life

For the first time in months, Michelle slept through the night, and even through Cam’s alarm. Though it wasn’t set loudly, it was enough to wake Cam up and have her scuttling to the kitchen.

She had the makings of a cooked breakfast on the go, as best she could do to make the full English. Bacon was a sore point for Cam and Lucy; they both agreed that what Americans called bacon wasn’t what they were used to back home. And sausages were another talking point in the Amglish households they both resided in. Back in LA, Cam had them shipped in, but Rita’s store had proved more than adequate with the country sausages she sold.

Making hash browns, she squidged the potato and onion together with a beaten egg and made little patties that she gently fried off on a pan while the eggs cooked and the coffee brewed.

The radio played upbeat pop music in the background, but she still heard the soft shuffle of feet against the wooden floor. Cam turned just in time to see Michelle come into the kitchen. She smiled at the sight: hair all mussed as she pushed her fingers through it and yawned.

“Hey, sleep well?” Cam asked, waltzing across the floor with a carton of juice in one hand and a glass in the other.

“Hmm, yeah,” Michelle answered, sitting slowly into the chair nearest to her. “Feel a bit groggy though.”

Cam poured the juice and then came around behind her wife, kissed the top of Michelle’s head, and then squeezed her shoulders with expert fingertips. “I’m cooking some breakfast. You’ll feel much better with something to eat, and coffee?”

“No, thank you. I’m going to try and avoid caffeine for a while longer. I want to…when I’m home, I want to feed my children still.”

“Alright, all for me then.” Cam grinned, releasing the muscles in her grip just in time to stop the hash browns burning. “So, would you like to go for a walk after we eat? I was thinking a stroll around the lake?”

“Okay,” Michelle answered with no real enthusiasm.

Serving up breakfast, she noted how hungry she was when her stomach rumbled. “Will do us both good to get some fresh air,” Cam continued, trying to keep things balanced. She placed a plate in front of Michelle and her own down on the table. “Can I get you anything else?”

Michelle smiled, thin lips pressed together. “No…thank you.”

Cam smiled back before cutting into her bacon and taking a bite. She chewed slowly and considered her next question. “So, I was thinking, what do you need from me right now?”

Michelle’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t understand.”

Placing her knife and fork down, Cam turned properly to face her. “I don’t want to take over. I remember what it was like when everyone used to try and fix things for me, and that never…” She reached out and took Michelle’s hand, raising it to her lips and kissing it. “What do you need me to do?”

Rubbing her forehead, Michelle crossed her legs and seemed to withdraw into herself instantly. “I don’t know…I just…I feel so guilty, about them. I love them, Cam, I do, I just…they’re not safe with me.”

“Hey, come on, that isn’t true.”

“Isn’t it? I just got up and left…I left them, Cam. I left them,” she insisted more loudly. “Mothers don’t… good mothers, don’t do that. And you’re being all nice about it as though it’s perfectly okay, and it’s not. It’s not okay, Cam.”

“Baby, you’re not well. This isn’t you, it’s an illness, sweetheart.”

Tears formed but didn’t fall. “I know. Still doesn’t make it any easier, Cam.”

Cam nodded. “No, I know that. But the point is that we can work through this.”

Michelle stood suddenly and wandered over to the sink. Pouring a glass of cold water from the tap, she picked up the box of tablets Doctor Talbot had given her. “We will see,” she said sadly as she popped the second pill from the packet and tossed it into her mouth, following with a long swig of water to wash it down. “Gimme a couple of days, okay? Dr. Talbot seemed to think these would help, so…”

Instantly standing too, Cam joined her at the sink. “Alright. Whatever you need, But it’s already been a couple of days, and I think our children are best off here with us, even if my mother is playing episodes of your shows to them so they can hear your voice. I think it might be best for them to be here, but not if you’re not ready.”

The smile on Michelle’s face turned quickly to a frown before she fell against Cam’s chest and sobbed. “I just want to love my babies like a normal woman.”

“You are normal, and you do love them, and things will be better, I promise.”